Page 18

That night I found myself wide awake . The sonorous snoring—mostly Taylor's—that I'd become accustomed to filled every corner of the bus. My eyes were tired, yet my mind refused to turn off. The main reasons for that were:

1) Elise's words.

I couldn't get them out of my head.

What happens when the tour ends?

2) Felix's back.

He was currently facing away from me, so I was the big spoon to his little spoon.

His body seemed too tense for sleep, the muscles in his shoulders taut . There were so many things I wanted to say to him. I just wasn't sure where to start . Plus, maybe he didn't want to talk .

But what if he did?

"Hey, are you awake?" I said quietly, half-hoping he wouldn't respond.

"Yeah," he said.

So much for that.

When he stayed quiet, I took a deep breath and tried again.

"How are you?" I asked. "After today?"

"You mean my dad showing up?"

"Yeah—but you don't have to talk if you don't want to. I'm not trying to be nosy, Felix. I was just…worried. "

A beat passed, then he sighed.

"My dad's an ass," Felix said. "He never hangs around long, but wh en he's here, he messes everything up. I wish he 'd stay gone . It'd be better for Ryker."

"And you," I added.

Felix gave a tight shrug. "I've already given up on him . My brother hasn't."

I stayed quiet, sensing that he needed someone to listen more than anything.

" I get it. I wish he was good." A scoff. "But he left us. Dad's a cheater. He ran around on our mom, spends all his money on drinking and gambling. He only cares about himself and only comes around when he needs something."

Felix's voice turned cold.

"I hate him," he said.

"Then I hate him too," I said.

"Why?"

"For you, because he broke his promise to you and Ryker."

"Wasn't the first time, won't be the last."

I placed my arm around him, rested my cheek against his back , couldn't help it. I just felt like he needed a hug and wanted to take all his pain away. And yeah, maybe I needed that hug too. Thankfully, he let me hold him.

"Princess?" Felix asked.

"Yeah?" I said.

"You want to hear my biggest fear?"

"If you want to tell me."

Felix swallowed then said, "I'm scared I'll end up like him."

"Felix, you could never be like that," I said.

"But he's my dad. It might be in the genes."

"I don't think being an ass is hereditary."

Felix laughed softly, and it made my heart feel lighter.

"You could never be like him," I repeated.

"You're too good for me," he said.

"Yeah, right."

"I mean it."

There was an odd note in his voice. "Felix?"

He shook his head. "Listen, I want to be honest with you. About where my head's at and my heart."

"Okay," I said.

"I meant what I told you . I do like you, Aurora. I've never liked anyone more—which makes the word 'like' feel inadequate."

I held my breath.

It felt like he was going to say he loved me.

I thought he might…

…but I was so very, very wrong.

"I wanted to give this a real shot, to go all in with you," he said.

My throat felt suddenly tight. I definitely caught the past tense there, didn't want to ask yet forced the word past my lips.

"But?" I said.

"But I'm not sure we should do this anymore."

"And by this, you mean…?"

"Us," he said softly . "I think we should give each other some space."

It felt like someone drove a bulldozer through my chest. That was how unexpectedly devastating the moment was.

"Like I said, I don't trust myself. There's a reason I don't do girlfriends. What if I am like my dad? "

"You're not," I said.

"What if I hurt you without even meaning to?"

"You wouldn't."

"You deserve better."

He shook his head, but I felt more than saw it in the darkness.

"I'd never forgive myself if I broke your heart," he finished.

A moment passed.

Then another.

And another.

I got the feeling he was waiting for me to say something, but I had nothing.

"You understand, right?" he asked.

It was difficult to speak; I prayed my voice didn't betray me.

"Yeah," I said finally, "yeah, of course. If you need space, I can give you that. I wanted to try, but…i t's not like this could last anyway. The tour's almost over."

Felix was quiet.

"Your mom's the one who pointed it out. I'll be going back to school, and you'll get even more famous. This is probably for the best."

Slowly, I pulled away, and he didn't try to stop me.

Felix stood. "I think I'll sleep in my bed tonight."

"Okay," I said and watched him go.

After I was sure he was far enough away, I let the tears fall silently in a continuous stream, soaking the material beneath my cheek . I knew it wasn't true. Felix was nothing like his father. But he needed to know it too. I couldn't fault him for trying to save both of us.

What he said followed me into a dreamless sleep.

I'd never forgive myself if I broke your heart.

But he did.

The pieces lay around me in this bed and on the pillow that still smelled like him.

The worst part?

I would still give him my heart again.

Even knowing he would break it.

Even knowing how it would end.

Who knew love could hurt this much?

#

"What's with you two?"

Izzy stared first at Felix and then me with narrowed eyes, tapping her foot.

"Something's different," she added.

"Don't know what you mean," Felix said.

"Me neither," I said.

It was lie. We both knew what she meant.

"Oh, so you didn't avoid eye contact at the concert last night, sparking gossip about a possible rift ?" Izzy lifted a brow and tilted her head . "What about standing at opposite ends of the room during the fan chat this morning?"

I shrugged while Felix said, "It wasn't planned, just happened."

True. But…there was the small matter of our relationship. Izzy had no idea we'd gone from faking to real (almost) to breaking all that down to nothing again in the span of one heart-to-heart conversation.

Oh yeah, and she had no idea I was in love with Felix.

That was probably why she was confused.

"I don't know what exactly this is," she said, "but if it affects the tour, I demand to be in on it."

Felix frowned. "We're giving each other space. That's all."

"You and Aurora?"

She looked to me, and I sent her a small nod.

"With two weeks left of the tour?"

"I'm sorry if that impacts your work," I said. "With Ferora and everything."

Izzy's eyes narrowed, glancing between the two of us . " You're sorry?"

I nodded.

I waited for her to yell, get upset, be angry, something to show her disapproval. But instead, Izzy smiled so big it had to have hurt her cheeks.

" This ," she said, "is amazing!"

Felix and I exchanged a surprised look.

"So, you're basically shunning each other."

"That's a little strong," I replied.

Felix frowned. "What kind of word is shun?"

Elliot lifted his eyes from the book he was reading long enough to say, "It's mostly a religious term. Everyone from the Catholics to the Amish shun certain people they deem as undesirable."

Santino grinned. "Sounds like you swallowed the dictionary," he said.

"He's the human form of Google," Hayden added. "We're lucky to have him."

Elliot rolled his eyes and went back to reading.

"Be honest," Izzy said. " Have you been snooping in my phone?"

"Um no," I said.

"Felix, what about you?"

He scoffed. "Izzy, that's ridiculous. Why are you accusing us?"

She waved her hands in front her and laughed. "Oh, I'm not. I'm just so freaking happy we're on the same page."

"About what?" I said slowly.

"This ." She pointed to us. " Ferora is couple goals. Your fake romance is so swoony and perfect, so I thought people might appreciate a little drama."

Felix scoffed.

"It'll keep them interested and make things more realistic."

I didn't know about any of that, but she sounded so sure.

"What do you want us to do?" I asked.

"Exactly what you've been doing. Ignore him. Pretend like you can't look at him without feeling pain. "

I could definitely do that.

"Trouble in paradise will make people root for you even harder." Izzy's features turned thoughtful. " Though we may want to show that. How do you feel about a public breakup?"

"You're crazy," Felix said.

"I'm serious. Or maybe just an altercation."

Curious despite myself, I asked, "Like what?"

"I don't know, an argument." Izzy met my eyes and asked, "Aurora, how do you feel about slapping Felix?"

Ryker raised his hand.

"I'll do it if she won't," he said.

Felix shook his head. "You're not funny."

"Wasn't trying to be, brother."

The three guys on the couch raised their hands as well . "Count us in too," Hayden said.

Izzy chuckled. "Well, it looks like we have several volunteers, so I'll let you know."

"Pretty when you smile, Iz," Santino said.

Her lips fell.

"Even hotter when you frown."

With a huff, she turned back to me and said, "Let me know what you two decide."

I nodded, but considering the fact that Felix and I really were avoiding each other, I didn't think we'd get together to discuss anything let alone the slap. Still, it was worth a shot.

"So, what do you think?" I asked him.

Felix met my eyes briefly then looked away. Shrugging, he said, "I think it's dumb, but I'll do whatever."

"Cool, I"—but he was already walking away—"will stand here, staring after you like a kicked puppy," I mumbled softly.

London sidled up to me, and I straightened.

"I heard that," she said.

"Sorry," I said.

"For?"

"Not hiding my suffering better and bringing you down."

"Aurora, please. You have nothing to apologize for. I can't believe Fe's being such an idiot."

"He's not stupid."

"Yeah, he is. All guys are, especially the Cordova brothers."

I slanted her a look. "Sounds like you're projecting. Did something happen with Ryker? "

"Who?" she said.

"London."

"As of this morning after he asked me again why I hadn't left yet, I've removed that name from my vocabulary."

I sighed.

"Yeah," she agreed . "That's how I feel too."

Sensing we could both use a distraction, I filled her in on Izzy's idea.

"Are you going to do it?" London asked.

"I don't think public displays of emotion are my thing," I said.

"Oh come on, Aurora." London pressed her palms together as if in prayer . "Please, please reconsider. Just think, you'd get to slap him."

I scrunched up my nose. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because it's a free shot," she said, counting off on her fingers, "because Fe deserves it, because he's acting like a jerk, because he needs a wake-up call, because he broke your h—"

I placed my hand over her mouth, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. Luckily, Izzy and the guys left at some point, so we were alone on the bus . The only things to show they'd been there at all were a few cups they left behind.

"You can't say that," I whispered and removed my hand. "I don't want anyone to know."

London's eyes turned soft. " You have nothing to be ashamed of, Aurora."

"I'm not really."

"Aren't you?"

"No, and it's the right thing, us taking a step back. Even if it hurts."

"Yeah, you told me your theory about how it wouldn't last beyond the tour."

I held out my hands, encompassing the current situation. "All evidence points to that outcome."

"Things change," London said. "This is just a blip. No matter what anyone says, I still believe you and Fe are meant to be."

I smiled. " That rhymes."

"I know. I'm awesome without even trying."

With a sigh, I reminded her, "Izzy wants us to break up—though to be fair, she doesn't know there were ever real feelings involved."

London sniffed. "I still think you should reconsider the slap."

I bit back a smile.

"Maybe just a little love tap?"

"Maybe you could slap him for me," I said.

"I could do that," she said.

"I was kidding."

"The offer stands." London lifted her chin toward the door. "I'm going to go get a late dinner . You coming?

"I'll be there soon ," I said, holding up my phone. " Need to call my parents."

After she walked out the door, I dialed my mom.

The phone rang…and rang…and rang.

I almost thought it would go to voicemail, but Mom picked up on the fifth ring.

"Hey, baby," she said.

"Hey, Mom," I said. "I was just calling to—"

"Is everything okay?"

I frowned. "Yeah. "

"Oh good, " she said, exhaling. "I'm so glad to hear that. Not much to report here."

"I was about to go to dinner, so I wanted to call and—"

"I'm glad you did. But I need to go , okay?"

She sounded strange. I couldn't put my finger on it , but for some reason, she was trying to get me off the phone. Mom always prolong ed our talks, peppering me with questions about whatever city we were in , telling me how things were at home. This convo felt totally different . Rushed .

"Mom, are you really okay?" I asked.

"Hmmm. Your father just needs me."

"Oh well, tell Dad I love him."

"I will, Ror . I love you."

"I love you."

The dial tone sounded, and I looked at my phone for a moment.

Again, I couldn't be sure, but something felt wrong . It was possible I was imagin in g things. But to be sure, I called Freya.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said back, frowning . "Where are you?"

"At home."

I shook my head. "No, the walls behind you are hospital white. Oh crap, Frey. Did you get hurt again? Are you back in the ER?"

"No," she said slowly, "not me."

Alarm bells rang in my head.

"What do you mean, not you?" I said.

Freya hesitated, chewing on her lip.

"Frey, I just had the weirdest conversation with my mom. You're in a hospital. Please, just tell me whatever it is. I'm thinking the worst here."

With a tired sigh, she said, "Okay, but I'm not supposed to tell you."

"So? When have you ever done what you're told?"

"It's your dad."

My stomach dropped.

"He's in the ER."

I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Is he okay?"

"He collapsed at practice," Freya said then hurried to add, "but the doctors think he'll be fine . Probably."

"Probably?" I said weakly.

"They're running some tests and keeping him overnight to be sure. They want to rule out a stroke. "

"I'm coming home."

"No, no, no," Freya said, "that's why no one wanted to tell you. You're on tour. It's—"

"Not as important as my family," I cut in. "I'm coming home, Frey. Thank you for telling me. I'll see you soon."

"Be safe, Ror."

I hung up and stood there frozen.

My dad was in the hospital.

I was miles away in a totally different state.

I had no car.

Not a lot of money.

Even if I did rent a car, I needed a fast one. I wanted to be there for my dad. And Mom. Oh goodness, that's why she'd sounded so strange . We had a few days off before the next performance . Technically, I wasn't supposed to leave until the tour was over. It said so in my contract , b ut this was my family.

Nothing else mattered . I had to get back, and I'd hitchhike if I had to.

"Aurora."

I looked up to find London and HERS staring back at me. Felix was conspicuously absent.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Everything," I said then shook myself. "Do any of you have or know someone who has a fast car? I know I'm not supposed to leave, but I need to get to North Carolina, quick as possible . It's a family emergency."

"I know someone who can help."

London looked to Hayden who nodded.

"Ask her for the Bugatti," Santino said.

"The McLaren's faster," Elliot said.

"Motorcycle might be better, depending on traffic," Ryker put in.

"What about a private jet?" Hayden asked.

"That'll work," I said.

"Good thing Gigi stays up late."

I probably should've felt guilty for accepting their help. But honestly, all I knew at that moment was a heavy dose of fear, inspired by the news of my father's ER visit, and gratitude for these people who were my true friends. They hadn't even blinked when I said I needed help. They jumped into action.

I would do the same for them.

A hundred times over.

And it was funny because I realized that I wasn't only in love with Felix.

I loved them too.

And if actions spoke louder than words, the feeling was mutual.