Page 19 of Inside Out

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

~Albert Einstein

“It’s okay to fall on your ass. It’s why we were born with a cushion.”

~Julius Shepherd

“Dinner at his place, huh?” Mom asked. I could hear the humor in her voice coming through the speakers in my car. “What’s he making?”

I’d called her on the way home from Marcus’s game to let her know how it went since she was unable to watch it on television. Mom was excited to hear my baby brother had a standout game against a big rival, but her attention swiftly turned to my love life. She was very excited to hear I’d accepted Rome’s dinner invitation.

“Chicken parm,” I replied.

“Make sure you wear good underwear.”

I snorted. “Mom, it’s just dinner.”

“That’s how it always starts. I want you to have a great night with your silver fox. Be safe, Julius.”

“Always, Mom. You know, you could always find your own silver fox to lavish all your attention on.”

“Julius…” she chided softly, letting her voice trail off.

“Dad wouldn’t want you to spend all your time working at the hospital followed by lonely nights at home, Mom. He’d want you to have someone special in your life.”

“I can finally admit he would want me to find happiness again, Jules. I promise you I will make an attempt if a silver fox comes along and catches my eye.”

“You have to be looking up for that to happen, Mama. Love only miraculously finds people in those Hallmark Christmas movies. Then again, if you’re watching your feet when you walk, you might run into a handsome fella who also isn’t paying attention to his surroundings. Then you’ll look into each other’s eyes and just know.”

“Listen to you now. You give in to one date after leading that man around by his nuts for months and you’re a dating expert now, huh? Who the hell are you and what have you done with my son Julius? You must’ve been snatched out of your bed by aliens and returned to earth with one of them invading your body.”

“Mom, really? An alien invaded my body and the first thing he does is start watching sappy movies on Hallmark.”

“Better than Lifetime because he might want to start killing people instead of romancing them.”

As was typical with my mother, our conversation had veered way into left field, or outer space if I listened to her. “I haven’t been snatched by aliens, Mom. I just…” I wasn’t sure how to say this without stirring up all kinds of pain. If she taught me anything at all, it was to be direct and speak with honesty. “I want what you and Dad had.”

“Baby, I want that for you too. You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say that. Every person needs to be loved like your father loved me, Jules. Maybe Romeo Bradley is the man to love you until you’re breathless, or maybe he’s not. You won’t know unless you try. If there’s one thing a scientist knows, it’s never give up. Things don’t always work out the first time in science or love, so we keep trying until we find the right formula.”

I loved it when my mom put things in a scientific perspective. Of course, love is sometimes hard for scientists to grasp. Numbers, equations, and formulas we can understand. To many scientists, the heart is nothing more than the organ that pumps blood through our veins. I wasn’t among them. I’ve felt my heart swell with pride, happiness, and love. I’ve also felt it break. Sure, the brain is the mainframe computer of our bodies, but I will not discredit the heart and the way it reacts to the emotions our brains detect. The two work in tandem until they’re conflicted about what they want.

My heart wants Romeo Bradley; my brain thinks it’s a big mistake. Will I take a chance and put myself out there for Rome or will I retreat because it’s safer? Only time will tell which of those two organs would win.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too. Call me soon and give me the details of your night.”

“Details?”

“Notthosekinds of details, J. We have a strong relationship, but let’s not get carried away. Besides, it’s just dinner, right?”

“Right. I’ll make sure to describe the dinner in minute detail.”

“You can be such a wiseass. Your father would be so proud.” The warmth and love in her voice made me smile. She would always love my dad, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t love someone else too.

It also reminded me of the conversation I had with Rome over coffee when he talked about Howie coping with grief. He made it sound like he too had lost someone special, and I didn’t get the feeling he was talking about a parent.

“I hope so,” I replied.