Page 62 of Infatuated

“Like I said, he’s out riding. Wanted some time to clear his head, but he wanted me to give you a message.” He digs the folded, blue-lined sheet of paper out of his back pocket and hand the slightly crumpled page to me, our fingers brushing as I take it from him. “I was rooting for you two.” He walks away and is out of sight within moments.

I sit down at one of the picnic tables and open the letter. His handwriting is like chicken scratch, and I realize this is the first time I’m seeing it.

Lana,

Kasey asked to come by and speak with me, to clear the air. I didn’t want to see her, but I figured it was best for her to say whatever she had to and leave me alone. I forgave her for everything, and she was giving me a kiss goodbye. It was so normal to kiss her back, and I didn’t think twice about it, but I promise you there were no feelings involved.

Seeing your face after you saw our kiss will be burned in my mind for the rest of my life. The hurt… the betrayal. I know exactly how it feels because I felt the same when I thought I saw you kissing Russ.

It’s been made clear to stay away from you, and I promise I will. I wish you the best of luck in your future. You’re amazing, smart, and beautiful. You’re going to do just fine without me. I hope you get everything you want out of life, and over all, I wish you happiness.

I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise to you. You deserve better.

XX

Tristan

I crumple the paper in my hands and run as fast as my legs will take me in Holden’s direction. He walked in the direction of the barn and I figure that’s my best bet. I stop outside the doors, sucking in air, trying to slow my heart beat.

I walk through the entrance, but no one is there. Gage is gone, but so is Duke. Holden must have saddled him before he found me, so he could get out of sight quickly. Well, I’m not going to give up so easily. No one is around, and I don’t dare hop on Clementine after the fiasco last night, so I take to jogging to the open field.

Twenty minutes later, I’m huffing and puffing, but I come to the open clearing and look around. The field is empty. No sign of Tristan, Holden, or the horses. I sit my ass in the dirt and pull the letter out to read again. I try to mask the uncontrollable sobs from bubbling out, but it’s no use. I wail like I’m in physical pain, suffering turmoil at the loss of something that was doomed from the start.

I lay on my side, the water from my eyes hitting the soft earth beneath my face. I pull my legs up to my chest and let everything out—the fear, the hurt, the anger. I’m not sure how long I lay there, but at some point, I must have fallen asleep because the sun is dipping low in the sky.

“Lana!” Someone yells my name. I ignore it. I don’t want to be bothered. I close my eyes again, hoping to return to the sweet dreams I was having of Tristan.

“Lana! Jesus!” It’s Holden. He blocks the sun from my eyes as he dips down and picks me up bridal style. “Are you hurt?”

I rest my head on his chest but don’t say anything. The note from Tristan slips from my dirty fingers, and I let it go. Just like our relationship.

“Lana, talk to me!” he demands.

“He doesn’t want me,” I mumble, and the tears start again. I heave in deep breaths as I bury my face in Holden’s chest.

“That’s not true.” He puts me on my feet to open the truck door and then scoops me up to put me on the seat.If it’s not true, how come he’s not the one here saving me?

I don’t have the energy to fight. I want to shower, pack my shit, and get the hell away from this place. I’m never coming back here—ever.

Tristan Ellis is dead to me. Ineverwant to see him again.

Epilogue

Tristan

Holden drives up in the truck and parks it in front of the house. I look down from my bedroom window, and relief washes over me when I see Lana push open the door and slide out of her seat. Her parents run up to her and envelop her in a tight hug. They’ve been worried sick about her.I’vebeen worried sick about her. Holden glances up at my window, and I back away, not wanting her to see me.

In a few more hours, she’ll be gone, and we’ll never have to see each other again. It’s what’s best for the both of us. It never would have worked out anyway. Chasing after her last night was a mistake. She wouldn’t even give me the time of day to explain. I sat there like an idiot until her parents came by the cabin a few hours later. I held my phone tightly in my hands, praying for her to respond to my messages.

Her mom gave me a sympathetic look and told me to give her some time.

I don’t have time. That’s the problem. I knew that was it. My chance was over.

I watch as Lana walks back to her cabin, out of sight, her parents flanking her sides. The screen door to the house slams shut. Heavy footsteps land on the stairs, and Holden barges into my room. I don’t have the energy to deal with him—with this.

“Found her in the field, clutching your fucking letter,” he seethes. There are very few times in my years of friendship with Holden that he’s ever been mad at me. This is definitely one of those times.

I keep my eyes to the ground, staring at my feet. “I thought she might be there. She likes that spot. That’s where she rode last night. I’m glad she didn’t take a horse, though, because I don’t want her getting hurt. Last night was close enough.” My voice is distant. Almost like I’m talking outside myself.