Page 52 of Infatuated
Chapter 25
Lana
My head swims with so many thoughts I feel as if I could drown. Things between us have gotten too far out of hand. This was supposed to be a learning experience.
No. Feelings. Involved.
But I fucked that one up, too. Or rather, we fucked it up. It seems we’re both deeply invested in this, and it can’t continue.Why not? Aren’t you the one who said there are ways to stay in touch now?Ugh, I really need to stop being smart sometimes.
Do I want to go through senior year not dating because I’m holding out hope for a guy two thousand miles away? Who’s to say, as soon as I leave, he doesn’t forget about me? He’s going to college. There are so many girls; he doesn’t need me. I’m not worth the trouble.
I need to avoid him for the last few days. When I’m close to him, I lose my mind and forget about everything else. There are so many hopes and dreams I have, and a boy who wants to take over his family’s ranch in Wyoming doesn’t fit in my plans. I want to fight to get into Cornell. To get the degree I want.
It’s such a hard area of study with so few people getting to actually do exactly what they want. I’m going to study business as well, so hopefully I can open my own business and be able to sell my designs to people who will actually find joy in them—not some overpaid corporate jerk who doesn’t care.
I can do this. I can avoid Tristan, even if it kills me to do so.
* * *
It’s Wednesday morning, and I have successfully avoided Tristan for a day and a half. The real challenge has been meal times because he’s around for those. I’ve made notes as to which family he’s helping and what the activity is. Then, I make sure to stay far away from him. He sent me a few messages on messenger that came through my phone, but I logged off, choosing to ignore him.
At lunch and dinner, my family sits with the Carringtons, and Russ insists I sit next to him. I know how much he annoys Tristan, so I’ve taken the seat at each meal, hoping to avoid him coming over. It seems to be working, but every time I glance his way, he tenses his jaw and stares a hole through me. I’m pretty sure Russ thinks I want to kiss him now or something, but I’ll deal with him later.
Mom and Dad brought me out in a small boat yesterday, so that ate up a few hours as well. Dad seemed happy to get some quality time with me, but Mom seemed confused by my avoidance of Tristan. She asked me about it when we had a few moments away from Dad, and I told her it’s no big deal. The vacation is almost over, and I want to spend some time with them. She seemed to buy it.
I’m sitting in a shady spot close to the barn, reading yet another book I brought. It’s a good thing I brought five books with me. I’m almost through all of them, and that is more so in the past two days!
“Don’t you get headaches from reading so much?” Holden asks, exiting the barn.
I smile up at him and shake my head. “No, never. Do you?”
He shrugs and takes a seat next to me. “Sometimes. I’m not much of a reader outside of school. Never found the fun in it. Sports and outdoor activities are more my thing.” He smells like the horses, and I scoot away a little. Smelling like a barn is never a good thing. He chuckles and shakes his head. “Come on. Go change and let’s go for a ride. I want to talk to you anyway.”
He wants to talk to me? Did Tristan ask him to do it since I’ve been avoiding him? “About what?”
“Our boy. Go get changed. I’ll saddle Clementine for you. Meet me back here in ten minutes.” He stands and walks away, leaving no room for discussion.
I change and make it back with two minutes to spare. He pulls Clementine out and helps me mount her before doing the same for Duke. We meander down the familiar path that leads to the huge open field—the same field where I sixty-nined with Tristan a few days ago. My face warms at the thought, and I try to suppress the smile tugging at my lips.
Holden doesn’t say much, and when I glance over at him, I can see the wheels turning in his head. His eyes are trained on the trail ahead of him, but I can tell he’s not focusing. I really don’t want to have a conversation about Tristan, so I’m happy to ride in silence. There is a slight breeze, so I close my eyes for a moment and feel the wind on my face.
I only have two more days here before we leave early Saturday morning, and I’m not ready for this time to end. I’m not ready to leave Tristan or this place. It’s been so nice to get away from my normal life and relax on the ranch. It’s so quiet out here, and I love how I can see the stars at night. I’ve never realized how much I hate not being able to stare at them like I can here.
“I really like him, Holden,” I blurt out as my eyes glaze over with unshed tears. I’ve spent too much time trying to deny it from myself. I’ve known I’ve liked him since the first moment he tossed me in the pond. There was something so different about him. I mean, I was pissed, but thinking back on it, I could tell there was something special.
“I know you do. If you like him, why have you been avoiding him? He’s hurt by that, you know.”
“He is?” I wipe my eyes on my sleeve.
“Yup. Plus, you’ve been spending time with Russ. Man, that guy’s a tool.” He says the last part to himself, but it’s loud enough for me to hear and makes me chuckle. He looks at me and smiles. “You know I’m right.”
I nod. Yeah, he’s right, but Russ is growing on me. “He’s not that bad once you get to know him.”
“Well, he treats me like I’m the hired help and Tristan even worse. I think he has a thing for you, but he sees that Tristan does, too, so he’s trying to stake his claim.”
I blush but don’t respond. We come into the clearing, and there is a blanket laid out under a tree. My heart soars—Tristan did this. I look around for Gage or an ATV or anything and come up short. Holden notices my confusion and chuckles.
“He’s not here. You and I need to finish having a conversation first.” He ties Clementine to a tree and helps me slide off her, then walks with me to the shady tree. I sit down and cross my legs as he sits next to me, stretching out. He pushes the brim of his hat further up to get a good look at me, and I look anywhere but at him.