Page 53 of Infatuated

He finally starts to speak. I’m too afraid to look at him, so I pick at blades of grass and shred them between my fingers, hoping to give my nervousness an outlet.

“Tristan is like a brother to me. We look out for one another, and I’ve got his back—no matter what. He’s been through enough shit with his ex. He’s still healing from her, and I don’t want to see him torn apart. She’s still playing these mind fuck games with him.”

I glance at him from the corner of my eye and see he’s looking out into the field as he speaks. “Lana, he’s fallen hard for you. I see it in the way he looks at you, and I know you’ve been avoiding him the past few days. I’m not sure what the reason is, and I don’t need to know, but he doesn’t need another girl fucking with his mind. Now, I know you already said you like him, and I believe you’re telling the truth. So, why avoid him?”

I suck in a deep breath, my chin quivering with the urge to cry. I clamp my teeth together to get a hold of the emotions that want to spill out of me. “I’m scared,” I say on a whisper.

“Of what?”

I shake my head and look up to the sky, trying to keep the tears from falling. I swallow, my throat burning with the need to hold everything inside. “Losing him. Keeping him. All of it.”

He scoots over and rubs small circles on my back as I tuck my knees to my chest and place my head down on them. My shoulders shake with my silent sobs. I wish Tristan were here. I wish he would pull me into his chest, circling his arms around me, giving me the time I need to cry it out.

“Lana, you’ve gotta tell him. He’s going crazy not knowing what’s going on and why you’re avoiding him. He doesn’t know I’m here with you, by the way.” He chuckles, and I glance at him, my crying starting to subside. “He’d kill me if he knew I was with his girl—alone. We think of each other like brothers, but that doesn’t mean he trusts me with his girl.”

His girl.How badly do I want to hear that in Tristan’s voice? I focus on the words and try to imagine it coming from him. It’s what I need. I need his silky voice to wash over me, wash away my fears. I need him to tell me he likes me, that I’m not the only one who was crazy enough to fall for him. I need—

“Lana?” I pop my eyes open and look at the man who has been haunting my dreams day and night. The one I’ve been longing for. My pulse quickens, and it’s hard to take in a deep enough breath.

He kneels in front of me and wipes the tears from under my eyes. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He looks over at Holden and practically growls at him. “What did you say to her?”

I watch the exchange between them. Holden is so relaxed in his posture, a small smirk pulling at the corners of his lips. “Just trying to get you two idiots to admit your feelings for one another. No offense, Lana.”

Tristan sits, leaning against the tree and pulling me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me in a protective gesture. He rocks back and forth, his sway slow and gentle. I relax my head on his chest and listen for the sound of his heartbeat. It slows down, and my own heart beats in time with his.

I hear the rustling of clothes and know Holden is leaving the two of us alone, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the one on one time with Tristan. There is so much I want to tell him, but I can’t find the words. So, I let him rock me and kiss the top of my head.

I’m not sure how long we stay like this. It could be minutes, or it could be hours. When I finally feel strong enough to look up at him, his eyes are closed and his head is resting against the tree. I shift my weight, and he opens his eyes to look at me, a smile forming on his lips.

“I’ve missed you, beautiful.”

“I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you.” I climb off his lap and sit next to him, curling my legs under me. It’s now or never to tell him. I’m running out of time, and I know I’ll be kicking myself if I don’t tell him how I feel before I head back to Connecticut. I take a deep breath and continue. “I know we agreed to sex lessons with no strings attached, but I’m falling for you. I’m scared, Tristan. I’m only eighteen, and you’re going off to college.”

He gives me a soft smile. “Lana, I’ve already fallen for you. I’ve wanted you since the moment I walked into you on your first night here. I didn’t want to get involved, but then you made it too damn tempting not to.”

I pull my lip between my teeth and look down as he takes my hand in his. I follow his movement as he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. I whimper, wanting to feel his lips on mine. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him, and my body is begging for more.

I push into him, my lips sealing against his as he pushes his fingers through my loose strands. I climb onto his lap, straddling him, and place my hands on either side of his face as he coaxes me to open for him. His tongue slides across mine, and it’s like I’m home. Sitting here, kissing Tristan is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Holden clears his throat, and we pull apart in a daze. “If you guys are going to continue to suck face, might I suggest going someplace a little more secluded? I heard Billy say something about bringing some folks for a ride when I was saddling Clementine and Duke.”

“Let’s get back.” He stands and helps me to my feet, pulling me flush against his body to give me another searing kiss that I can feel down to my toes. I wish we were already somewhere private. I have such a strong urge to sink to my knees and take him between my lips. As if he can read my thoughts, he says, “Not here, naughty girl.”

The three of us ride back and pass Billy with one of the families riding out to the field. I’m glad Holden had the good sense to stop us when he did. Tristan helps me down, and Holden takes the three horses to put them away as Tristan leads me away from the barn.

He keeps looking around as he tugs me in the direction of the shack that we first fooled around in. My nerves are taking over, and my mind is running wild. We’ve already had sex, but is he going to be gentle this time? Is he going to be like the guys in my books? Domineering and ruthless?

We make it to the shack, both a little out of breath with the speed to get here. I need him. I need to feel him on me, in me, taking my breath away. He opens the door, ushering me inside, then closes it tight behind him.

We attach ourselves to one another. His lips come down on my neck, and I pull him closer, exploring his body with my fingertips. He sucks my nipple through my shirt, and wetness pools between my legs. I want this man so much.

“Do you have a condom?” I ask, breathless.

He pulls one out of his pocket and holds it between his two fingers. I tug on the bottom of his shirt, and he pulls it over his head. Before he can reach for mine, I’m doing the same, tossing it in a corner somewhere. I undo my jeans, sliding them down my legs as I kick my boots off. I have never been so anxious to get out of my clothing before.

I stand back up in just my light pink bra and underwear. He’s still standing there in his jeans, but his eyes are glued to me.

“Hey there, cowboy. How about I help you out of these?” I rub my hand up and down his bulge, and he hisses at the contact.