Page 304 of Incisive

#TeamJordanForever

Not that I begrudge that. I get it. It’s yet another aspect the fallout my years of self-imposed terror have revealed, slowly eroding the emotional landscape in its wake as it weathers away the layers of secrets around me.

In the end was it truly worth the pain? The sacrifices I forced from Leo and Jordan, both? I lost Stella and things I never even had with her.

The only bonus to having waited as long as I did to come out is that Leo and I have Jordan.

I really suck.

Mom sighs, reaches for my hand, and looks me in the eye. “I’ll only ask this once, honey. You can tell me it’s none of my business if you want and it won’t hurt my feelings but if you answer, I want the truth. Jordan is more than just a friend to you both, isn’t he?”

With a shaky breath I nod as my tears brim and roll down my cheeks. “He’s…ours,” I whisper. “We love him and he loves us.”

She squeezes my hand hard. “We’ve wondered. No, we won’t say anything to anyone. Does Leo’s family know?”

I nod, my pulse hammering so hard and fast that I wonder if I’m close to fainting.

Mom smiles and stands, rounding the table to hug me, to fold herself over me and hold me while I sit there and press my face against her and quietly sob like a little kid.

“Life is short,” she whispers into my hair. “Life is sooo short, sweetheart. We’ve always loved Jordan. Your father and I aren’t as small-minded as you think. Everything that’s happened has also helped us…see. See things. You know?” She hugs me tighter. “There’s always room for one more at family dinners. And we already think of him like a son anyway.”

She straightens. As I reach for a napkin to blow my nose Mom she smiles down at me. “And your father now owes me a trip to the movies.”

That makes me laugh. “What?”

“I once bet him he’d have to take me to the movies on a date if Jordan was more than just a friend.” She returns to her seat.

“What’d he make you bet?”

“That I’d have to watch football with him for a whole season. Proandcollege.” She grimaces, making me snort and laugh again.

“When’d you figure it out?”

“I used to think Jordan was secretly in love with you.” She looks thoughtful. “I assumed it was unrequited. Then you proposed to Leo and I wondered if there was more to it. I remembered him mentioning Leo a long time ago, saying that they were roommates when Jordan first came to DC. Plus, what Leo said the night of the proposal when he was talking to Stella. About non-monogamy. And then I really started paying attention. To how Jordan has always treated us like we were not only your parents and part of his job, but like we were his parents, too. Like he considered us family. I watched him with Leo and Leo’s family.”

She slyly smiles. “You both have always looked at him like you loved him. The day of the wedding, I spotted his ring and it finally clicked. He’d moved it to his left hand somewhere between breakfast and the ceremony. He used to wear it on his right hand. Funny how on the day of your wedding Jordan switches his ring, too, isn’t it?”

“Sorry, Mom. We didn’t know how to tell you. It’s not exactly…mainstream.”

“I know. That’s why I’m not upset. But are there any other secrets you need to tell us? I mean, personal ones.” She waggles her fingers at me. “Not national secrets.”

“No. If anyone finds out about Jordan I could be in a lot of trouble. I mean, lose my presidency kind of trouble.”

“How much of what you told us about him is true?”

“Everything. Except about our relationship with him. I fell in love with him when he was hired to do the decorating when Shae was first elected. I’d told Leo he should date other people because I was scared to come out. But he didn’t, until Jordan. He and Jordan started dating and Leo fell for him. Jordan knew Leo was dating me, too. In the beginning, I was too scared to admit to Jordan or Leo how I felt about Jordan. He’s kept our secret all these years. He returned to Florida because he was afraid his relationship with Leo was stressing me out. I went after him and asked him to come back and work for me.” I shrug. “He did. That’s when I finally admitted how I felt about him.”

Well, okay, that’s a slight fudging of the timeline but it doesn’t matter.

“He’s very lucky to have both of you.”

“We’re lucky to have him, Mom. Blessed, even.”

“You never told Stella?”

The snort escapes me before I can contain it. “Hell, no. She would have used it against me to tank my presidency.”

“I imagine she would. Her and Ellis both.” A shadow darkens her features as she takes a long sip of coffee. “I always knew that man was bad. I didn’t realize he was…evil.”