Page 42 of If the Stars Align

I opt for my half-smile, and I pull her in close. “Ha. I’m a poet, and I didn’t even know it. I’ve been reading a lot of Keats lately. I guess he’s rubbing off on me.”

Brittney sighs. “That is…incrediblysexy.” When she kisses me, I’m so relieved, my panic attack subsides. She gives me her number, and I leave.

When I get back to my apartment, I chug a glass of water. Then I take my new cell phone out of my pocket and stare at it for a good two minutes.

I call Seth first, and he gives me Evan’s number. I pace around the kitchen while it rings—he doesn’t answer. I try a few more times, but I never leave a message. On my fifth attempt at calling, a familiar voice finally answers.

“Who is this?” she asks.

“Mia! Thank god. Hey. It’s Dex.”

“Dex? Is everything okay? Evan’s in the shower.”

“I was actually hoping to get ahold of you, anyway. Mia…I need to talk to Sunny. All I have is the number to the dorm room she lived in last year, so I don’t know how to reach her.”

I can’t live like this anymore. I mean, if Sunny’s happy, I’ll fuck off and leave her alone, but if she’s as miserable as I am—hell, if she’s half as miserable—then we need to reevaluate our lives. I know her mom wants what’s best for her, but what ifI’mwhat’s best for Sunny? I’ll do anything it takes to become the man she needs me to be.

I have no clue what I’d do for a living besides acting—but I can’t worry about that now. I just need to talk to Sunny. We’ll figure it out together.

Mia’s silent on the other end of the line.

“Look, I know it’s a lot to ask,” I tell her. “And I’m sure you don’t want to get in the middle?—

“I’ll do it,” she says. “I’ll give you her cell and the number to her dorm room.”

“Oh my god, Mia. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I’ll always be rooting for the two of you, Dex. I’m a sucker when it comes to true love.”

Knowing how to reach Sunny makes me happier than I’ve felt in 281 days.

I make myself something to eat. I take a shower. I nap. I need a clear head when I call her. By the time I do, it’s already nighttime in Evanston. I try her dorm room first. I’d rathercatch her there, so we can talk privately. If I call her cell and she’s out with friends, it could be awkward.

Her line’s ringing.

My heart hammers.

A guy answers. “Hello?”

“Oh,” I say, stunned.

“You’re calling for Sunny, right? Just a second, I’ll get her.”

“No,” I say. “Sorry…I must have dialed the wrong number.”

Ispent the entire summer at Asher’s apartment. Sam and Claire didn’t mind. They were happy for me. I’d never lived with a boyfriend before, so it was new, and exciting, and just distracting enough to ease my heartache over Dex.

Yes,ease—not erase.

One letter can make all the difference.

Sometimes I wonder where I’d be right now if I’d given Dex the love letter I wrote him in high school. I could have given it to him after the first time we slept together. Or after the last. If I’d known it would be the last time, maybe I would have. Whenever I think about him, a wave of grief washes over me. But I try my best to anchor myself back to the present. I have no other choice. Maybe soon I’ll stop counting the days since I last heard from him.

Fall quarter’s officially begun, and I just moved out of Asher’s place and into the dorm where I’ll be an RA again this year. But tonight I’m back at his apartment, makinghimdinner fora change. I don’t have the first clue how to cook, but I’m hell-bent on reciprocating for every delicious meal he’s made me. He offers to help, but I refuse.

“It can’t be that hard,” I say, rolling up my sleeves and twisting my long hair into a bun so he can tell I mean business. I hand him a glass of red wine and tell him to relax on the couch because I want the meal to be a surprise.

“Let me know if you need anything!” he says before kissing the top of my head. As he walks into the living room, I’m pretty sure I hear him chuckle.