Page 41 of If the Stars Align

I squeeze my eyes shut again before they fully open. It’s bright in here. Brighter than usual. My head hurts. I feel a bit queasy too.

Last night was our final performance ofNo Exit. Afterward, the cast got together to celebrate. I played the role of Joseph Garcin, a man who’s condemned to hell for all eternity. Needless to say, getting into character was pretty fucking easy for me.

Jesus,did I forget to close my blinds last night? I’m rubbing my forehead when I hear someone sigh right next to me.

That’s when I remember. I’m not in my own bed. I’m in Brittney’s.

She was one of my co-stars in the play. We talked for a while at the party last night, and she asked me to walk her home. When I open my eyes, she’s smiling at me.

“Last night was amazing, Dex,” she says. “If you’re not busy this morning, we could do itagain…”

“I wish I could,” I say, smiling back as she runs her fingers over my chest. “But I’ve got an audition, unfortunately.”

It’s a lie, but I have to get out of here. Anxiety’s stirring inside of me. It’s always tough for me when a show I’ve been starring in ends. I’ll have to book something for the summer soon, or I’ll lose my mind not knowing what to do with myself.

“Too bad,” she says coyly. Then I kiss her. I start to sit up when she reaches for my shoulder.

“Look, I remember what you said last night,” Brittney begins. “You’re not ready for a relationship because you’re still getting over someone…”

I’ve said those words so many times this school year, I should probably get them printed on a t-shirt. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier.

“But if you ever wanna hook up again, no strings…” She shrugs. “I’m down for that.”

“I’ll call you,” I say with a wink for effect.

Brittney nods and gives me a peck. I get out of bed, and she watches me dress.

She’s sweet. Pretty. Talented. I’d be lucky to date her, under different circumstances. But it doesn’t feel right, and I don’t want to hurt her. I know she said no strings, but what if she develops feelings? Feelings I’ll never reciprocate. It’s notherfault—it’s just my fate.

Brittney deserves better than a boyfriend whose heart belongs to someone else.

Someone I may never see again.

Never hold again.

Never kiss again.

Never stop loving.

Godmy head is aching.

Vision blurry.

Stomach churning.

I pause and take a deep breath.

Then Brittney asks, “You okay, Dex?”

I laugh. “I had a lot to drink last night. My head is pounding, and the sun’s too bright. But after some coffee, I’ll feel alright.”

She giggles. “I don’t know if you noticed…but everything you said just rhymed.”

Fuck.My nerves are getting the better of me. In a minute or two, I’ll be full-blown Ollie.

But I summon the strength to turn back into Dex.

You can do this. Stay focused. You’re not unraveling—yet.