Page 69 of Hush

“Come back tonight?” Tom’s stomach clenched as he asked. Mike had left once, and he’d thought that was the end. That wouldn’t happen again. They’d crossed a line together, and now they were, well, together. Right?

Mike smiled, his face lighting up. He had his tie draped around his neck and his button-down was undone, and he looked like an old frat boy after a wild evening. “I’d love to come back tonight.”

“Bring a bag for the weekend?” Tom would push his luck as far as it would go.

Mike’s smile grew even larger. He nodded. “I have a volleyball game Friday. Want to come?”

“Of course. They’ll be surprised now, I’m sure. From not-gay to dating in one week?”

“You want to be open about this? Us?”

“I’m… not ready for the front page of the newspapers. I’m not ready for a public declaration, or to be the eleventh openly gay federal judge. Yet. But, with your friends?” He took a deep breath. “I want to be with you. And you’re out. I want to be out, too, eventually. I will get to where you are. I promise.”

“I’d like that. I haven’t dated someone in the closet in a long, long time.”

“Didn’t like it?”

Mike looked contrite. “It was different than your situation. But it was tough. I’m not going to lie.”

“I’ll get there. I promise. I want to start being open in front of your friends.” He exhaled slowly. “One step at a time.”

“Together.” Mike leaned over and kissed Tom’s cheek. “When you’re ready. We’ll do it together, okay?”

“Okay.” He cupped Mike’s face and kissed him again, slower.

Eventually, Mike pulled back, groaning. “If I don’t leave now, I won’t make it home to shower and change and get back to work on time.”

“That’s a problem? What if you just call in today? We can work on more of those condoms.”

“Mmm. You bring up a tempting offer. But I work for this really ball-busting judge. I can’t let him down. He likes to torture me.”

“Tortureyou?”

“Yes. He issodamn sexy, his smiles make my heart pound, his laugh turns me into a teenage girl, and I’m trying to impress him all the time—”

“Okay! Okay!” Tom shoved at Mike’s shoulders, his face flushed and burning. He couldn’t look at Mike.

“I really mean that, Tom.”

Silence. Tom still couldn’t look at him.

“Tom. I do.” Mike ducked and found Tom’s gaze. “All those times you said you weren’t my type?” He shook his head. “You aredefinitelymy type.”

“I’m nothing like your ex. I’m… two decades older than him, in fact.”

“It’s not about age. Or looks. My ex wasn’t a good person. I want to be with someone who is agreatman. Who is kind and wonderful and has integrity. Someone really special. Someone… like you.” He bit his lip. “I never thought I’d be able to attract you. I didn’t think I was who someone like you wanted. I’m just a bruiser with a badge and a gun. You should be with a lawyer, or a doctor, or some millionaire who will take you to California and Paris for the weekend. Someone way better than me. I can’t do that, so I stopped trying to compete with the guys who could. And then, the younger guys, the vapid, catty ones, they came flocking.” He shrugged and scrunched up his face. “I got used to it. It was easy. They wanted a meathead, and that’s what I am. But that doesn’t mean that’s what I really wanted. Which… I realized every time I wanted more and they flamed out.”

“You’re not a meathead. And you’re not a bruiser with a badge and a gun.”

“Well, I play volleyball, too.”

“You’re a good guy, Mike.You’rewho I want. All of you.” Silence. Then, “Is this what you meant about being reflective?”

Mike nodded. “Kris and I have been talking a lot. Or, Kris has been beating advice into me, and I’ve been taking it. And then thinking things through when he’s not around to gloat. I give myself a lot of headaches.” Mike hesitated. “I really, really,reallylike you, Tom. I’m… not kidding when I say I want this to goallthe way. And I need to be upfront with you now, because if you’re not feeling it, I need you to cut me loose early. Please. It’ll hurt less.”

Slowly, Tom smiled. “Do you have a spare team shirt?”

“Yeah.” Mike frowned.