Page 53 of Hush

Chapter 12

June 20th

Holy shit.

He’d done it. He’d asked Mike to dinner.

So… was that it? He was out now? Partly, to one man. Mike knew, at least. Mike knew he was interested in him. And, that he wasn’t straight.

Elation took him home, and he wore a ridiculous grin for nearly the whole Metro ride.

Mike hadn’t answered his question about being too old for him, though. He’d accepted Tom’s dinner invitation and had agreed to come over, but he’d seemed… Well, of course surprised. Shocked.

Hesitant?

Doubt crept in, slipping from the dark corners of his mind like curling smoke. Old fears followed, skeletons rattling their creaking chains. What was he doing? This was never going to work. Mike would probably cancel. Which would be for the best, really. What was he thinking? He couldn’t do this!

When he got home, he let Etta Mae out to the backyard and sat on his deck, gazing out over his small patch of grass and plot of roses. Etta Mae sniffed every square inch of the yard, just like she did every day, and then did her business and flopped at his side.

He stayed on the deck, stroking her fur as the sun set and the streetlights winked on, and the hum of the city faded away.

No matter what happened tomorrow, he’d at least done something. He’d taken a chance, reached out to Mike. Cracked his closet door a little bit wider. Whatever happened next, it wouldn’t be because he hadn’t been strong enough to try.

He was up early, walking Etta Mae around the block and to the grocery store. The manager knew him by name and loved Etta Mae, so Tom handed her Etta Mae’s leash while he ran around, grabbing what he needed for dinner. He almost forgot the coconut and had to run back for a loaf of bread, but finally, they were on their way back home.

He was only a little frazzled.

Time seemed to crawl. He cleaned his house, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing tiles and washing windows. Cleaned his bathrooms. Changed his sheets, somewhat optimistically. Ran out to the corner store and bought a flurry of paper towels, toilet paper, toothpaste, condoms, and a new bottle of lube. He tried to hide his purchases in the mundane, but the bored checkout clerk didn’t seem to care that he was buying condoms for the first time in twenty-five years, and was so nervous he dropped his credit card four times. He was worse than a high school student.

And then, time sped up, and he raced from the store back home to shower and put himself together. He’d obsessed over what to wear the night before, tossing aside pants and shirts until he found a baby blue polo and some low-slung jeans he’d bought years ago on a whim, when he wanted to feel sexy at least for himself, at least at home, before his soul shriveled up and died.

Now, he was going to try and look sexy for Mike.

God, the thought was ridiculous. And amazing. How had this happened?

His phone buzzed about an hour before Mike was due to arrive.

[What are we having for dinner?]

He grinned and bit his lip. Bounced on the balls of his feet.That’s a secret. I want to surprise you. :)

[That doesn’t help me pick out a wine to bring.]

Oh, his heart shouldn’t flutter over something so simple. Mike was just being polite. But he was bringing a bottle of wine to their dinner date. This was really happening.A nice crisp white will go well with what we’re having.

[K]

Tom exhaled slowly, trying to center himself.

An hour later, his phone buzzed again.[I’m outside.]

Come on in!Tom smoothed his shirt, ran his hands through his hair, and closed his eyes. This was happening. This was really, really happening. His heart raced, pounding, as his stomach fluttered and clenched.

But the door stayed shut.

He padded to his front door, frowning.

Outside, Mike paced at the base of the steps leading up to his front door. He held a bottle of white wine in one hand and had his phone clenched in the other.