Page 33 of House of Darkness (The Fallen Star #1)

ESTRELLA

Why hadn’t I said anything?

Roman had poured his heart out to me, and I just sat there.

His pained expression haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

Wrapped in bedsheets still ruffled from his presence, I felt suffocated.

I dressed quickly and escaped to the garden.

I looked for him on my journey, but it was as if he had vanished. I couldn’t blame him.

Why hadn’t I said anything?

The easy answer would be that I didn’t feel the same way, but I knew that was a lie.

I had known even before we made love. Somewhere along the way, I had developed feelings for the tsar.

So why hadn’t I said anything? Why had I let him walk away, that unbearable pain in his eyes after I had allowed him to believe his feelings were unrequited?

I knew the reason. I was scared—terrified, actually. Those words meant I would never be free. It wouldn’t matter if I was willing; I would still be a slave, his doll and nothing more. I couldn’t give up the freedom I was fighting for, not even if I loved Roman.

Before me stood the stone wall where he had pinned me the night before. It seemed so long ago now. Without him around, there was a gaping hole in the pit of my stomach, one I hadn’t realized his presence had filled. I wiped a tear from my eye. I didn’t deserve to cry—not after I had chosen this.

I had chosen this.

I needed to accept it. A life of freedom likely meant a life alone too.

When I had lived at the academy, that prospect hadn’t seemed so daunting, but now it felt like a death sentence to imagine not having my new family around.

That would be the price of freedom, and if I wasn’t willing to pay, did I truly deserve to be free?

Just as I grappled with these thoughts, Isabella entered the garden.

Her soft lilac aura brushed against me like the embrace of an old friend.

I offered her a half-hearted smile. She looked a little worse for wear after what was surely a long night, but she was still lovely in her apron dress.

It was comforting to see her, maybe her presence would make me feel less alone.

“It’s good to see you, dear,” she said kindly. I returned her smile, though it felt fragile.

“You too, Bells.” My voice cracked slightly, and she pursed her lips, concern flickering in her eyes.

She rested a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “There’s someone here for you.”

My heart skipped a beat at the thought that it might be Roman, but I quickly squashed the idea. This was his house; he wouldn’t wait for me like some lovesick suitor from the books Solaris read. I frowned. “Who?”

“A vampiress named Iliya. She said you were expecting her.”

Iliya had mentioned coming after the full moon, but I hadn’t realized it would be so soon. I sprang to my feet, heading for the door in an instant. This was what I had sacrificed for—the chance at freedom. I would make the most of it.

Iliya stood at the front door, a flowered suitcase in hand. She was a vision of brightness and gilded beauty, wrapped in a big pink dress adorned with bows and flowers. As she scurried through the threshold, she enveloped me in a tight hug I hadn’t realized I needed.

“It’s so good to see ya!”

“You too, Iliya,” I breathed, excitement bubbling up as I hugged her back, lingering just a moment longer than necessary. She didn’t seem to mind.

“I am soooo excited to have this dress made! I hope I’m not putting you out by staying?”

It wasn’t exactly something I could answer. I glanced at Isabella, who stood at my shoulder. Her smile was genuine as she responded. “Not at all! I’ll throw a room together next to Estrella’s. We so rarely get guests, so this will be a treat!”

“Awe, thank you! You said your name was Isabella, right? I’ll remember, I promise!” Iliya grinned, her smile so wide her eyes nearly closed. “Is His Majesty here? I’d like to thank him for allowing me to stay.”

My heart plummeted. “He’s… not currently here.”

Iliya picked up on my hesitation as easily as a shark scents blood. Her eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Is everything alright? If this isn’t a good time, I can always come back. It really isn’t a big deal…”

“No, no, everything is fine! I’m excited to have you here.” To prove my point, I grabbed her suitcase, which was heavier than it appeared, and began to lug it inside. Bells chuckled and took it from me before I could tweak my back.

“I’ll ensure her room is sorted. Estrella, why don’t you take Iliya to the garden for tea time? I’ll have tea brought out.”

We settled at one of the wire tea tables in the garden, a tea set between us with a teapot of piping hot ginseng tea and wyne for Iliya. I munched on a pastry as Iliya animatedly recounted her relationship with Codran.

“—but that’s my story! I was living out east while he was on a mission, and we fell in love! Then he scooped me up and brought me back here.”

The sun dipped into the west, deep golden rays casting striking angles throughout the garden as day turned to evening. Still, no sign of Roman. Guilt and worry twisted in my gut.

“Are you sure everything’s alright, darling? You seem down.” Iliya set her wyne glass down. “Trouble in paradise?”

I looked into the eyes of the vampiress across from me, her happy demeanor so similar to my sister’s. “Roman told me he has feelings for me.”

Iliya’s eyes widened in surprise, quickly replaced by a huge grin. “Well, that’s great news! We need to celebrate. Maybe a night on the town? I’m sure we could put that together!”

My fingers twisted in my dress. “I didn’t return the sentiment.”

Silence followed, broken only by the singing of sparrows. “You don’t love him?”

“I’m starting this business to gain my freedom. Whether I love him or not is irrelevant.”

She burst into laughter, a sound that matched the chirping sparrows.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Love isn’t the opposite of freedom. I didn’t experience true freedom until I met Codran.

He showed me the world and gave me the tools to find and be myself. So I ask you again: Do you love him?”

I studied the little filigree detail on my teacup. What she said made it sound so simple, but it didn’t feel that way. “I don’t know.”

She sipped her tea, steam barely visible in the crisp spring air. “I think you do know.”

I did know. I had known for a while, and yet somehow, Roman had come to accept it before I had. His pained face flashed through my mind as vividly as any nightmare. “What if I ruined things?”

“I doubt it. I think that man would turn this world inside out for you,” she said with a wink.

“I bet Codran would do the same for you.”

She grinned mischievously. “He better if he knows what’s good for him!”

I allowed a small, shy smile in return. Her energy was contagious.

I wondered if this was what sisterhood was meant to feel like.

Solaris and I had never shared lighthearted conversations like this.

Perhaps it was my fault; I had always been so miserable.

I wondered where my sister was now and what she would think about the fact that she had turned out to be right.

The dining room buzzed with chatter when we entered. Though Razvan was still up north, the rest of the generals had returned. The empty chair at the head of the table served as a cruel reminder of Roman’s absence.

“Everyone, this is Iliya. She will be staying with us for a while.”

I sat before the only plate as the others raised their wyne glasses. The generals took turns introducing themselves, and Iliya graciously curtsied in return. She quickly found herself caught up in conversation with Sorin.

“How serious is this relationship with the Bursuc guy?” Sorin asked.

“You mean the Count of the Bursuc House?” Enso muttered under his breath.

Iliya didn’t miss a beat. “Well, he hasn’t put a ring on it yet. Are you offering, General? I like to look at all my options.”

I had never seen Sorin caught off guard, but for a fraction of a second, his smooth talking faltered. That arrogant swagger returned in an instant, though. “You’re a serious relationship kind of girl? That’s alright; I’m not afraid of commitment.”

Catina burst into laughter. “That’s literally all you’re afraid of.”

Sorin shot her a faux-hurt look. “Maybe that’s because I haven’t met a real lady yet.”

Catina looked like she was about to rip his throat out. I couldn’t resist the chance to dig in. “Hey, that’s not fair. Isabella is definitely a lady.”

The four generals, including Bells, looked at me as if I had grown a third eye, but Iliya burst into laughter. Sorin grinned. “Good to see you lightening up, sweetheart. Guess it just took Roman leaving for you to come out of your shell.”

“Shut your mouth, Sorin,” Isabella snapped. I hadn’t had the chance to ask, but I suspected she knew why Roman was gone. She seemed to know everything, after all.

“My apologies.” There was a glint in Sorin’s eyes as he stared across the table at me. As quickly as it appeared, it was gone. That cockiness masked something.

After dinner, I bid Iliya goodnight and allowed Isabella to escort her to her room. I could hear their happy chatter as they made their way down the opposite hall. Iliya would fit in well here if she weren’t already committed elsewhere.

Though part of me wanted to walk with them, I had bigger concerns. I tiptoed down the opposing hall. If Sorin knew where Roman was, I needed to know. Every hour he was gone threatened to send me spiraling. The only light came from the soft glow of torches in the darkened hall.

Sorin melted out of the darkness with the ease of someone accustomed to sticking to the shadows. My mouth opened to scream, but his hand covered it. The sweet scent of cigarettes and something spicy seeped into my nostrils. “I’m guessing you’re looking for me?”

I smacked his hand away. “Where’s Roman?”

He cast a long look down the hall before beckoning to the door closest to us. “Let’s talk in my room.”

I followed him, my skin prickling as the door clicked shut behind us. I was alone with him, and the memory of the last time I had been alone with a male vampire surged to the forefront of my mind. Sorin cast me a sideways glance. “No need to worry, sweetheart. I wouldn’t do that to Roman.”

I flushed. “You can read minds too?”

“No, your face is just easy to read.”

He gestured to the tea table, a twin to my own, and I sat across from him. “Does my brother’s scent all over you have anything to do with his sudden absence?”

My face heated. “I’m guessing by that comment you have no idea where he is?”

Sorin’s fingers twitched. “No, I don’t.”

Then this conversation was a waste of my time. I stood up and made to leave, but Sorin cut me off with a sharp snarl. “Sit down.”

My eyes went wide, and my heart skipped a beat. I plopped back down, fear pinning me in place.

“I don’t know where he is, but I’m going to find out. I need to know what happened to do so, so you’re going to sing, little bird,” he demanded, tapping his finger against the table.

“I… don’t know what Roman would be okay with me telling you,” I admitted.

His eyes, glowing like torches in the darkness, narrowed.

“Don’t insult me. I’ve known Roman my entire god damn life.

I’ve pulled him out of the dirt more times than I can count, and he’s done the same for me.

I know things about him you couldn’t even imagine, and he knows every horror of my life.

Your little escapades with him are nothing to me. ”

“Fine.” I gave him a brief rundown of everything that had transpired. My cheeks burned and my eyes remained glued to the table. Sharing even small bits of my most intimate moments with Sorin had not been how I had envisioned spending my evening.

“He showed me how he felt, and I froze. He left before I could find the words to tell him anything,” I finished, tears welling in my eyes.

Sorin whistled, pulling out a cigarette. He lit it, and the flames illuminated his face like a demon of the night. He and Roman shared that intensity. “You really did a number on him, huh? Broke the poor boy’s heart.”

His tone wasn’t accusatory, but it felt like a knife to my gut. A tear fell, and his eyes tracked its path with a predatory focus. He puffed out a halo of smoke, the ring encircling my face before dissipating.

“So, what’s your plan here?”

“I—I don’t know.” My fingers twisted into the fabric of my skirts.

“No judgment here. It’s just going to change how I get him home,” Sorin added.

I gulped. If I was to be truly free, that meant taking what I wanted—and I wanted him. I didn’t want to deny it anymore. “He and I will figure it out.”

Sorin studied me thoughtfully, puffing on his cigarette until he reached the filter. He extinguished it on the tabletop with a soft chuckle. “Roman hates it when I do this. Can’t do anything to hurt his precious wood. So, of course, I do it every time.”

“Good to know the asshole thing is consistent at least.” I rubbed my hand across the table’s surface, feeling something carved into it but unable to make it out in the darkness. “He made this?”

“Roman carved pretty much everything in this castle. Guy fucking loves woodworking; he used to do it all the time before he took the throne.” A smile crept onto my face as I recalled him covered in sawdust while I watched him work. No wonder he had looked so happy.

Sorin stood and guided me to the door. “I’ll find him. A word of advice, though. It seems like you love the guy, and we both know he loves you. Love isn’t something you should hold out on. It might be something you want to figure out before I drag him back.”

I stepped across the threshold and turned back. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

His glistening white fangs flashed in a grin. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, sweetheart. Goodnight.”