Page 28 of House of Darkness (The Fallen Star #1)

I whirled on Catina, rage bubbling over. “How dare you?”

“What, you’re going to tell me I’m wrong?” Catina hissed.

“You can have a problem with me, but she didn’t deserve that!”

Razvan stood, a mix of frustration and disappointment on his face. “Arguing isn’t going to solve anything. Roman, you should be checking on Estrella. But I guess I will instead.”

I bit back a sharp retort and watched Razvan leave. His rare display of disapproval cut deeply. I flexed my fingers on the table, cursing silently when a chunk of wood broke off in my grasp. Now I’d have to fucking repair it.

Catina’s gaze flicked to the broken wood, then back to me, her smirk widening. “Good boy, Roman. Let’s see that temper.”

“Stop, Catina!” Isabella snapped.

“No! Not until he admits it. She will never be safe here, Roman, and you know it! She’ll be forced to live at your every whim to protect herself from your temper.

One wrong move, and she’s in the same boat as your mother.

Like all acolytes, she’ll be at your mercy. Is that fair to her, Your Highness?”

Each word was a knife to my heart. She was right, monster was my default. Estrella would never be safe with me.

“You’re right.”

I gritted my teeth, the self-loathing threatening to consume me. There it was—the truth I’d avoided. I didn’t deserve her because of what I was, what I had done. “Is that what you wanted, Catina? For me to admit I want her but shouldn’t because I’m a monster? Are you happy now?”

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat almost choking me.

My father had always said I was too emotional, more prone to outbursts than he was.

Maybe I was worse—at least he never pretended to be anything but a monster.

“I know, but you don’t get to take this out on her.

None of this is her fault, and she didn’t deserve what you just said. ”

I shouldered past Catina. Behind me, the sound of bickering continued, but I ignored it. I’d deal with the fallout of my actions later—the mess I always left in my wake.

My feet led me to my sanctuary: my shop.

I barely felt the cold bite of the lock as I unlatched it and stepped inside.

I managed to close the door before unleashing my power.

Blackness erupted like a bomb, slamming into the walls and sending hanging pieces crashing down.

The room held, after all, I had built it to withstand me.

I took a deep breath, trying to regain some control.

I found the pile of logs in the corner and set one on my chopping block, grabbed my splitting maul from where it had fallen, and focused on the heave of the tool and the jarring impact as the blade struck its target, rather than the throbbing in my head.

The wood shattered. I threw the biggest pieces into the pile and grabbed another.

“What are you doing?”

I hadn’t noticed Enso’s arrival past the rage dulling my senses. “Chopping firewood.”

“Ah. Very useful.”

I growled and slammed the maul into the wood. “Someone must do it. We go through a lot.”

“Yes, and I’m sure you don’t employ anyone to do it,” Enso teased gently. I shot him a glare.

“What do you want, Enso?”

He stepped calmly into the blackness, unaffected by my shadows. His arms were tucked behind him. “Just thought I’d check on you.”

I twisted the half-split log and brought the maul down, quartering it. “I’m not in the mood for meditation.”

“Clearly.”

I dropped the maul and grabbed the wood, tossing it into the pile. “I know I’m overreacting. I should have more control. You don’t need to lecture me.”

Enso stepped beside me and picked up the maul, spinning it casually in his hand. “I didn’t say anything.”

He tossed me a grin that made me bare my teeth, then hopped onto the edge of my workbench, crossing his feet and continuing to spin the maul. “Maybe you’re telling yourself those things? Why do you think that is?”

I crossed my arms and huffed. “A little anger, and I turn back into him—into what he thought I was.”

Enso caught the maul mid-spin, holding it horizontally between us. His eyes blazed with that inner fire that was so utterly him. “You aren’t your father, Roman. A bit of a hothead, sure, but we all have our issues. It’s how we choose to deal with them that defines us.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that Catina was right. I do have feelings for her. I’m taking advantage of her and putting her in danger every time I flirt or make her think there’s something between us. Because damn it, I want there to be.”

Enso set the maul beside him, pressing his fingers together and exhaling.

Flames sparked from his fingertips, cutting through my shadows and casting a reddish glow over us.

“I’ve been alive a long time, Roman. I can tell you that true love is not something to shy away from.

You deserve happiness, and I think she’d be a good match for you. ”

“It’s too dangerous. Catina’s right—I could hurt her.”

“The hardest part will be to die thinking that the pain which rends my body will also slay the buried word before it blooms on my lips like a flame,” Enso recited, eyes half-closed.

I scowled. “A bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

“You’ve always had a penchant for the dramatic, Roman. It’s about regret. Do you want to meet death without ever having told her how you feel?” Enso grinned, his pupils narrowing to slits. “Be charming for once. And start coming to morning yoga again—you need it.”

I laughed despite myself. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”