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I can’t read him at all. Was that just as painful for him too?

‘I was thinking the same,’ I say, trying to cover my feelings. ‘We can still get along as colleagues though, right?’ I ask him. ‘Try and salvage a working relationship out of this?’

‘I think that’s important. With your lamination skills, you’re the sort of person I need to keep onside,’ he says, with a sad smile, and my heart breaks a little at him trying to lighten the mood again.

‘I love laminating,’ I say, sounding a bit like a loon. ‘Aren’t you off to Seville on Friday?’ I ask, because as a colleague I guess I should try and make polite small talk.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, if I don’t see you before then, have fun.’

‘I’ll try,’ he says, his eyes still exploring the room, this situation. ‘Promise me you won’t stay here too late, yeah? It’s dark outside, be safe, take care of yourself.’

‘I’ll try,’ I say, with a grin. And with that, he does a strange salute in my direction and walks away.

I don’t move. I just try to take it all in, a painful feeling swelling in my chest. I’d like to think it’s indigestion from classroom dancing while eating a ready meal, but it feels more like deep-set disappointment wrapped around my heart, squeezing it so very tightly.

Charlie

‘So I’ve created this booklet that allows you to magpie some phrases for your speaking assessment and build your own answers.

Try and keep it fresh, interesting. I don’t want…

me gusta la escuela, es muy interesante…

’ I say it in a deadpan London accent and I’m glad it gets a laugh out of the class.

I don’t mind these Year 10s, they’re curious and all seem to be engaged.

There’s Viraj at the back of the room who needs to remember his book and sometimes I think Tyler is asleep but I’ve had worse classes.

I had one lad who once jumped out of a window to escape my lesson. Ground floor, in case you were worried.

‘Sir, what time is the coach leaving tomorrow?’ someone asks me from the back of the room.

‘There’s a letter that should have gone out with all the timetabling, Viraj, but I believe it’s a seven thirty meet outside school.

’ They all reply with groans of disbelief to have to roll out of their beds that early.

It’s been a long six weeks to start off the autumn term.

A new job was always going to take its toll but you see it in the kids too.

After a long break in the summer, their brains struggle to keep up, they’re tired and moody.

I see it here but also with Brooke and Sam who presently have all the charm of very angry squirrels.

‘Sir, did you say you lived there before?’ a girl at the back, Lola, asks.

‘I did my year out there at university so I’ll take you to all the bars I used to go to…

’ There’s a sharp intake of breath. ‘You really are very gullible, eh?’ I say, laughing.

Yes, let’s have a tour of Mr Shaw’s Spanish escapades.

In this building, I went to a rooftop party, smoked a lot of weed and then had sex with an Italian tourist who never called me back.

‘Will it be hot? Will I need a coat?’ someone else pipes up.

‘It will be a balmy twenty degrees. Tell your folks to pack you a hoodie and a light waterproof.’ I look out the window.

The weather here has turned to grey and overcast, the clocks will go back soon and the days will be dark and depressing.

Another reason to get a dose of sun before that happens.

I hear the classroom down the hall explode into noise and pop my head out to see what the commotion is.

Suzie’s French lot are like this, they always seem to be having fun.

If ever I glance in there, she’s got them playing games, writing stuff on the white board and engaging in a lot of partner work.

Colleagues. That’s what we are at the moment after our conversation a few days ago, back when I caught her camping out in her classroom.

Suzie senses me snooping and waves at me.

I put a thumbs up to ask if she’s OK and she replies with the same gesture.

We’re colleagues. This is what we do now.

I think she thinks I’m one of those nosy neighbours complaining about the noise. I return to my classroom, frowning .

‘All OK, Sir? Don’t worry about them. It’s the French lot, Sir. They’re just idiots,’ Lola says.

‘Bad classroom management from the new teacher,’ Tyler says. Oh, he is awake.

‘She seems OK though?’ I tell them. ‘What’s the tea? What have you heard about her?’

I don’t know why I ask this question. I don’t care.

I really don’t. A line has been drawn. The universe has brought us back together again but it was obviously so we could add some zest to this department.

She could bless the kids with her organisational prowess and I could bestow upon them my conversational charm.

‘The tea?’ Lola asks, giggling.

‘Yes, Lola… ?Qué es el té? ’ I say, trying to keep things Spanish based.

‘Do I have to answer in Spanish?’ she asks.

‘No.’

‘Well, then Josh said she’s sound. She knows Kendrick Lamar,’ she tells me.

‘Like actually knows him? That’s impressive?’ I say, a little shocked.

‘Of course not. But she rapped in class and they thought it was funny.’ I stand there pondering whether I need to do the same. I only know that bit from the song where I can shout out about A-Minor, but I don’t think that’s a good line to repeat to children.

‘And how would you know what Josh thinks?’ Viraj asks her, teasing.

‘Shut your hole, Viraj,’ she snaps back.

‘Hey, we don’t swear in my classroom. Only in Spanish,’ I say, trying to de-escalate the situation. They both smile. ‘So, Josh, eh?’

‘We’ve been snapping each other, Sir. It’s all it is,’ she says innocently. ‘What’s the deal with the French lady then, you interested in her?’

I hope my panic doesn’t show in my face when Lola asks me that. I was. I was very much interested in her. But it’s done.

‘She seems nice but I don’t think I want a relationship at present. I’m focused on my career, my wellbeing,’ I tell the class, hating myself as I say the words aloud and hear how shit they sound.

‘Boring,’ Viraj says.

I look over at him, peeved, though I agree with him.

‘Sorry, Sir…Aburrido…’ he replies, and I grin at the audacity. ‘Maybe we can find you a Spanish girl in Seville?’ he suggests.

‘Really? Like that fit Spanish girl in Outer Banks ,’ another kid pipes in.

I stop and smile to myself, shaking my head.

‘Or maybe I can tempt you all with some authentic chorizo.’ I shouldn’t have said that out loud, eh?

And with that the bell sounds and they all gather their belongings.

‘Senores y senoritas, I will see you tomorrow, bright and early, please do not lose these booklets! I spent a lot of time making them!’

They all exit the room to a chorus of adiós and hasta manana as I stand there, taking a big deep breath.

There’s much to do before tomorrow. Bit of lesson planning here, going back via the shops to buy some travel deodorant, packing and making sure Brooke and Sam are safely deposited at Max and Amy’s while I’m gone.

It will all be good. I know it’s a school trip and a lot of the time will involve herding children and ensuring they’re not drinking, having sex or indulging in recreational drugs, but to me, it will also be a second homecoming of sorts.

A return to a place where I was allowed to be young, carefree before the worst of life events interrupted all of that.

‘Sorry, were we noisy?’ a voice says, appearing at the door. I turn to see Suzie standing there. She seems to wear a range of maxi dresses these days with colourful trainers. Not that I’ve been noticing, of course I haven’t. She tucks her hair behind her ear.

‘As long as they weren’t taking the piss, you know? We colleagues have to look out for each other,’ I tell her, offering her some strange salute. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m making this weird.

‘Half term, eh?’ she says, continuing the conversation from a distance.

‘Yeah, do you have plans?’ I ask her, hoping it doesn’t sound too intrusive.

‘Sleep and binge-watching all the TV I’ve missed in the last six weeks? I might even do something crazy like laundry.’

‘Super divertido,’ I tell her.

‘Bien s?r.’

I can’t help smiling when I hear her speak French.

Bonjour again, Aurelie. That was fun while it lasted, eh?

Maybe that’s the remit of our jobs, we role-play and read out scripts all the time as the kids try and work out what we’re saying.

Maybe it all became real life for a while.

If anything, it just shows how good we are at our jobs.

The moment is suddenly overtaken by thundering footsteps on the stairs and Lee appears, a little frazzled, like he’s being chased, hopefully not by the students.

‘Thank monkeys for that. I thought I may have missed you. You’re still here…’ he says.

‘Me?’ I tell him. ‘Yeah, the bell has only just gone.’

‘No, Suzie,’ he says. He clings to a desk to steady himself. ‘Fraser…downstairs…’

‘Wasn’t in today. Is he OK?’ Suzie asks. ‘Is it something serious?’

‘Oh god, no…daft prick dislocated his shoulder playing pickleball. How on earth does a person do that? It’s basically badminton with children’s rackets,’ he says, almost a little angrily.

‘But he was due to go on the trip tomorrow and now we’re stuck.

We have to take another adult to balance the ratios otherwise we’re screwed.

The trips team are pulling their hair out and the parents will lose their shit with us if we cancel. ’

We both stand there, taking in all that information. I don’t even know what pickleball is, has he made that up? ‘Could we ask a parent?’ I ask.

‘The safeguarding is the problem. So, I am literally just here, begging you to come on this trip, Suzie. I don’t know if you have plans or a holiday booked…’

‘She was just planning on doing laundry,’ I say, out loud.

Suzie looks at me and smiles. ‘Doesn’t it leave tomorrow though?’

‘Yes, seven thirty,’ Lee says. ‘We’d just have to switch the names on the flight bookings. I’m asking too much, aren’t I? You’re new, I don’t want you to feel pressure to do this. Do you even have a passport?’

‘How long is the trip?’ she asks.

‘We get back Monday.’

She nods then turns to look at me before asking Lee, ‘Who else is going?’

‘Well, there’s me, Jackie from HR…her husband, Mark in site maintenance and Charlie here.

’ I put a hand to the air. Yes, I am going to Seville.

This might be the killer here, eh? We’ve done a really good job at being grown-up and levelling out what this is so I understand if you want to give it a miss.

But there’s a little voice inside that is really hoping she says yes.

‘My Spanish is a little rusty,’ she tells Lee.

‘Mark only knows how to order beer,’ he replies.

She stops for a moment to think. ‘I guess, ?sí?’ she says. ‘Is that cool with you, Carlos? ’

As soon as she says that name I laugh. Are we doing this? Because universe – I don’t quite know what you’re playing at but this feels like a U-turn. It feels dangerous, risky and I quite like it.

‘Yeah. I’m very cool with that.’