Page 14

‘Occasionally. But get me out in the sea. Let’s exorcise his demons.’

‘Amen.’

She smiles at me and we run towards the sea, laughing and screaming as we go.

As soon as our feet hit the water and we get waist height, we shriek with laughter.

The water is a relief and I dive in to feel the full effects of it all.

Never mind, Meg, I don’t think I’ve ever swum naked before and there is something about it that’s completely liberating, the water cocooning me, the taste of salt against my lips, the light of the moon reflecting off our faces.

I look over and see Beth floating in a massive star shape, looking up at the stars.

Meg screams, ‘Oh my god…oh my god…’ she says, reaching down, splashing around in the water. We all freeze. It’s the sharks. She reaches down and pulls up a dark bushel of seaweed, throwing it away from her.

‘Thank God, I thought that was your muff,’ Grace says.

And we all laugh, a bit delirious with joy.

That sound is almost medicinal. I want to say that aloud.

I want to thank them all. This holiday isn’t about me at all, so I won’t do it, but the truth is that this – getting our boobs out and being together, the cousins allowing me to be a part of this – is healing, is making me remember how to really laugh.

I will always be grateful to them for that.

I lean back and look into the sky, thinking about a future that looks more like this. Main character energy, Emma said. Let’s remember what Suzie Callaghan used to look like. What she loves. She used to laugh like this everyday.

‘Shit, shit, shit…’ I suddenly hear a loud whisper, and I tread water again, looking out for the girls.

Is this seaweed based or have the sharks finally come for us?

However, as I look up, I see Meg and Emma treading water staring towards the beach, where there’s the sound of male Spanish voices and erratic flashlights piercing the dark and quiet.

‘Is it the police? Oh my god, we’re going to be arrested,’ Emma says.

The sisters all encourage her to be quiet. ‘Maybe they haven’t seen us. Those could just be piles of clothes that someone’s left there,’ Grace whispers .

‘But what if they take the clothes?’ Meg says. ‘I’m not going back in a taxi, naked. We’ve got to say something. Suzie, what are they saying?’

I try and listen in. Oh, shit, ‘Peligroso. That’s dangerous and…shit. My Spanish isn’t great. I can’t…guardia. Is that a guard? Police?’

And that is when it all goes a little mad.

As soon as I say the word ‘police’ we hear a dog barking from that beach and for some reason, convinced that we are all going to rot in a European prison and never see our families again, we all panic swim in different directions, the sounds of different exclamations and screams filling the air.

He’s taking the clothes! My phone is in there!

I can’t go to prison! I’m too young to die!

However, my panic reads slightly different.

I’m a teacher, I work with young people and I’ve just got a brand-new job.

I can’t get caught naked on the beach. If I get arrested for public nudity then that’s not good for me.

I have rent to pay. I’m supposed to be starting anew.

So I swim sideways towards some rocks jutting out into the sea.

This might be very dangerous but I can catch up with the girls when it’s all died down, when Lucy has sweet-talked them round, she’s good like that.

It’s Meg’s birthday and she’s reached a landmark age, there must be special dispensation for that.

There’s one of those party hotels across the way where people must be naked in the water all the time.

I attempt a rough freestyle that helps me keep an eye on what’s happening. Don’t drown. That would be an awful way to start the summer. Just keep swimming, keep kicking, keep afloat. Don’t get eaten by jellyfish. Just…

‘?Senorita! ?Senorita! ?Estás bien? ?Puedo ayudar? ?Estás en apuros?’

I look up and see a figure standing on the rocks, hollering at me, waving his hands in the air. Is it the police? I think he thinks I’m drowning. I’m not. I try to wave at him to turn around. Please don’t jump in after me because I’m just really quite fucking naked in here.

Charlie

‘Ooh, flowers and wine. A girl might think you’re trying to get in our knickers, young Charlie,’ the lady says, as she stands there by her hotel room door.

I flash my best smile at Meredith who I’ve seen far too much of today when she was standing in the bath, naked, attacking my little brother with bath products.

As it turns out, the hotel computer had Meredith and Sue in another room, so it was all a big admin disaster – not our fault at all – but our mother raised gentlemen, so to ensure they both felt safe and unthreatened by us, this felt like a nice gesture, in case we bump into either of these ladies at the omelette station tomorrow.

‘It’s just to say sorry again for the intrusion earlier. I’m very glad the hotel got it sorted and offered you some compensation.’

‘They’re giving us a free dinner at the fancy pan-Asian place downstairs.

We’re heading down there now. Apparently, they set things on fire and chuck bits of meat around,’ she explains with a wink.

I have an unfortunate flashback to this morning but try to wipe it from my mind, grateful that Meredith is now wearing clothes.

She’s fully embracing her inner zebra in a black-and-white print dress and some fluffy pink mules.

She’s had a few days on us so her tan is glowing through the creases in her decolletage. ‘How is your brother, is he OK?’

‘He’s having a night off. Such is the way of the stag do that he didn’t pace himself.’

‘Well, do give him our best and please apologise to him again for throwing all those things. I guess we’ll see you around.’

I feel a lump in my throat as she scans me up and down. Meredith, no. I’m just being nice. ‘I am sure you will.’ She winks at me and I immediately jog away from the doorway back towards our room, a tad unnerved that we’re only five doors down from her.

‘I’m back,’ I say, opening the door to the room to find Max exactly where I left him, in bed with a bin beside him and a six pack of bottled water.

On the television, he’s watching an action movie from the nineties in Spanish, his naked torso curled around the pillows.

He can barely turn his head to acknowledge me.

‘I got your supplies,’ I tell him, handing him a flimsy blue-striped plastic bag. ‘Paprika Pringles, Fanta Limón and red liquorice vines because…well, because…’

‘You’re the best…’

‘I know.’

‘What did you tell the lads then?’ he asks me.

‘I told them they were all tossers and that you didn’t want to be their friend anymore,’ I say, nicking one of his sweets and kicking off my flip flops before sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, facing out onto the balcony.

The room might be the saving grace on this trip – it’s bright, clean and away from the others, with all those little things that one normally gets excited about on holiday like a very tiny kettle and shower caps that I’ll never wear.

Outside, the hotel has come to life with a foam party in the pool.

A pulse of house music resounds through the walls.

I close my eyes to take it all in, enjoying the feeling of the warm air against my face.

‘No, you didn’t,’ he mumbles, unconvinced.

‘I told them you were violently ill and so you’d give tonight’s foam party a miss. Let’s just get you well enough for tomorrow. I want at least two litres of water in you by the morning. Deal?’

‘Deal.’ He looks over at me sheepishly. Naturally, after Meredith and Sue raised hell and accused us of breaking into their room, there was mess to clean up and not just the mess that came out of Max.

I had to negotiate (in Spanish) with all the staff and convince them that my brother and I were not common criminals looking to mug two middle-aged ladies.

But there were room changes, having to manage the idiots outside, one of whom managed to get severely sunburnt in only two hours, and then playing nurse for the Hulk here.

In short, I am knackered and hungry as hell. I steal a couple of Pringles.

‘I feel bad, you know,’ Max says, looking at me. ‘You don’t have to babysit me, I am twenty-three now. I won’t play with the hob. Go and have some fun. Are the others at the foam party? Why don’t you join in?’

I give my little brother a look. In my current mood, it’s a no. All my instincts tell me to stay here, entertain the stag and also ensure he doesn’t die on foreign soil.

‘Or the strip is just on the doorstep. There’s a street market, I researched it. They do churros and there are fellas with big pans of paella. You love paella.’

I shake my head. ‘Or I could get room service. I could watch this with you. Protect you from Meredith and Sue. I think the flowers were too much though, they think we like them.’

Max retches a little again. He takes a sip of water. ‘I don’t want both of us wasting our holiday in this room. Please. Just go for a walk or something. Have a beer in the bar. You’ve earned it.’

I go over to him and put a hand instinctively to his forehead.

‘I’m hungover, you idiot. Not ill.’

I look at his sad dehydrated little eyes. ‘Maybe I’ll go for about half an hour. If you think you’re going to throw up…’

‘Call you?’ he asks.

‘No. I don’t need to hear that sound any more today. Just use that bin. I can’t deal with this hotel hating us as much as they do already.’