Page 2 of Hold Me Closer

I giggle, shaking my head. "We aren't having sex, I promise. We aren't even kissing, Mom! Besides, Teo says he's saving himself for the one."

"And you?" she asks pointedly.

I shrug, glancing away. There's no way I'm answering that loaded question. Mostly because I'm waiting for my one, too. And my one is Teo.

But telling her that isn't going to get me out of this conversation any faster.

"That's what I thought," Mom sighs, squeezing me again. "Just don't rush into anything, sweetheart. You two have all the time in the world, okay?"

"I promise," I whisper.

" C an we go somewhere to talk?" I ask, leaning closer to Teo so he can hear me over the music pumping through the school gymnasium.

Despite the decorations hanging from every available space, it still smells like sweat in here.

That's not really what I had in mind for our first kiss, and we've been here for two hours already.

It's now or never.

"Yeah." He grins down at me, sliding his hand around my waist as he leads me away from the dance floor. I shiver at the way he holds me close to his big body, curling himself around me as if he wants everyone to know that we're here together.

As if they had any doubts. We're always together.

Every dance. Every football game. Everywhere, we're together. And yet…we're still just friends .

Maybe not after tonight.

Hopefully, not after tonight.

My stomach churns with anxiety as he leads me out of the gym and through the courtyard. The cool air brushes my skin, making me shiver.

"Are you cold, butterfly?"

"No. It feels good out here." I smile up at him. "It was getting hot in there."

He chuckles, his breath washing across the side of my face. "You look beautiful tonight. Did I tell you that?"

"Only a few times."

"Well, it's true." His gaze roams over my face, his piercing blue eyes dark and somber. He's always so serious. "You look stunning."

"Thank you," I whisper, fidgeting nervously as we stop beside the fountain.

"I should be the one thanking you." He reaches out, brushing his thumb along my bottom lip. "I'm the lucky asshole who got to spend the whole night dancing with you."

"Teo," I groan, blushing.

"It's true, butterfly." He steps closer to me, his eyes locked on my face. "Every guy at school wishes they were me because I get to spend all my time with you."

"They do not," I say, rolling my eyes even as my heart flutters. He's so damn sweet to me, but if anyone is jealous, it's every girl at school. He's gorgeous, and he plays football. His family is also loaded. And yet, he picked me—his curvy best friend.

"Yeah, they do." His lips kick up into a grin that has butterflies dancing in my stomach. "You're fucking beautiful, smart, talented, and you sing like a damn angel. I don't know why you spend all of your time with me."

"You really don't know?" I ask, staring at him intently.

His thumb slides along my bottom lip again, setting fires all over my body. "Maybe I do," he whispers, his eyes darkening. "But maybe I'm also an asshole who wants to hear you say it."

"You aren't an asshole, Teo."

"Then say it," he groans, pressing himself up against me in a way he never has. "Let me be greedy just this once with you." His forehead rests against mine. "Set me free, butterfly."

"I love you."

"Fuck," he growls, heat flaring in his eyes. He dips his head, his lips inches from mine. "I've always loved you, Nadia. Always."

I whimper, my whole freaking soul lighting up. It feels like I'm flying, weightless. For one perfect moment, I'm in heaven in his arms. And then his lips brush mine, and I'm in whatever place comes after heaven.

He kisses me like he's been dying to do it for his whole life. I kiss him back the exact same way. It's…perfect. Especially when he growls and tugs me even closer to his body, nipping at my bottom lip.

"Goddamn, I should have kissed you long before now," he groans, squeezing my hips.

"Yeah, you should have," I whisper back. "I've only been waiting forever."

He kisses me again before pulling back to rest his forehead against mine, breathing hard. "I should have done it, butterfly," he says. "When we were fourteen at the movies and you slipped your hand into mine the first time, that's when I should have kissed you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Uh, your dad is fucking terrifying."

"He's harmless."

"Says you," he mutters, making me giggle. "He loves you. He's going to hate me."

"He isn't going to hate you. He'll be happy for us. He's kind of been rooting for you all along, you know."

Teo has been trying to make my dad proud his entire freaking life. He looks up to him and respects him. I think he wants to prove to him that he's good enough for me. He always tries so hard. My dad loves him like a son, but Teo swears he hates him.

"Really? Well, shit." He rakes a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. "Now he's really going to hate me."

"He isn't going to hate you!"

"Yeah, he is." He expels a heavy breath. "I need to tell you something."

"You're making me nervous," I whisper, anxiety coursing through me.

He hesitates for a long moment, clearly anxious. And then he shoves a hand through his hair again. "Fuck," he mutters. "Don't be mad at me for not telling you, but I got offered a chance to play football at UT."

"What?" I cry, my eyes wide. "Are you serious? When?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"Holy shit, Teo. That's huge!" I fling my arms around him, squeezing hard.

He doesn't need a scholarship because his family has money to pay for his education, and he doesn't feel right about taking a scholarship from someone who needs it just to get into college.

So for him to play at the college level means being a walk-on player.

It's not easy to earn those spots. He went to the last open tryout, but he never heard back.

He assumed it meant he didn't get a spot. "Are you going to say yes?"

"I already did, butterfly." He pulls back, glancing down at me. His blue eyes are clouded with worry…not the look of a guy who just got his dream.

My heart clenches.

"What's wrong?" I whisper, dread coursing through me.

He cups my cheek, resting his forehead against mine. "Don't be mad."

I know him better than I know myself. Anytime he tells me not to be mad, it's because he knows I'm going to be mad. It's his way of preparing me for whatever he's going to unleash on me.

"Tell me," I say. "Right now."

"The position is for the upcoming season," he whispers, swallowing hard.

"No."

"I'll be graduating this year, butterfly."

"No," I say again, shaking my head as tears spring to my eyes. "No, Teo. You promised. Together, remember?" That was always the plan. He'd play football while I studied music. One day, he'd play professionally, and I'd sing or write. I never really cared which, so long as I had him and music.

"Butterfly, listen to me."

"You…you kissed me!" I cry, pulling out of his arms. "Why would you do that if you're just leaving me?"

"Baby, I'm not leaving you."

"Yes, you are! You're going to college without me." A tear slips down my cheek. "I stayed behind for you, and you're going without me."

"I'm going for you, Nadia," he says, reaching for me.

But I don't want him to touch me. If he does, I'll cry. I'll break. I already feel like I'm breaking. He kissed me, told me he loved me…and why? For what? Just so he could break my heart?

I already turned down my chance to go to college next year.

I didn't even have to think about it. Since he couldn't get onto a team, I gave up my chance to graduate early and took a music class I wanted instead of the final science class I needed.

Leaving him behind wasn't even an option when the dream was always the two of us together.

I guess I wasn't a consideration in his future like he's always been in mine because it was so easy for him to make a different decision. He took the science class. He has all the necessary credits. There's nothing keeping him here. Apparently, not even me.

I was willing to wait for him.

Why couldn't he wait one year for me, too?

Maybe that's the point. Maybe he didn't want to wait because it was never college with me that he dreamed about the way I did. It was playing football in college. And now…he's got his dream. He doesn't need to wait for me. I thought our dream was the same, but I guess I was wrong about that.

"You'll be there for an entire year without me, Teo. That isn't for me. It's for you," I whisper, my heart in tiny pieces at my feet. "If you didn't want to go to college with me, you could have told me before I decided to stay behind."

"That's why I'm going!" he growls. "You shouldn't have stayed! I didn't want that."

I flinch, rocking back on my heels. "W-what?"

"Shit." He grips his hair by the roots, tugging like he does when he's anxious or frustrated. "That didn't come out right."

"I think it did," I whisper. He…didn't want me here with him?

"I…fuck." He exhales a breath. "You put your whole life on hold for me, butterfly. I never wanted that. As soon as you had the chance, you should have been off chasing your dreams instead of waiting around for me."

"What are you saying, Teo?"

"I'm saying…I guess I'm saying I don't agree with the choice you made," he admits. "You should be leaving for college this year, not wasting your time. You're too fucking talented to keep holding yourself back for me."

I don't believe him. He's trying to make this out to be some noble sacrifice like he's doing it for my own good, but it's bullshit. He just doesn't want to admit that he picked football over me.

"So you just decided to leave me instead, right?" I ask, sarcasm heavy in my tone. "I did something you don't agree with, so you're running off to make sure poor little Nadia makes better choices in the future."

"No, dammit! That's not what this is!"

"Really? So you aren't doing this for me ?"

"Fuck," he snarls, his jaw pulsing.

"That's what I thought," I say. "You're mad at me because I made the decision I thought was best for me, but it turns out, you're the only one who gets to decide what's best for me, right?"

"Staying behind wasn't best for you, Nadia. You know it wasn't. You're too damn talented to keep wasting your time here. I'd rather not have you in my life at all than have you wasting yours!"

I flinch, feeling like he knocked the breath out of me. He doesn't want me in his life. The truth hurts like hell. But I blink back the tears and nod. "I understand," I say, trying desperately to keep breathing as my throat threatens to close up. "Enjoy your new college life, Mateo."

"Nadia, dammit, wait."

"Go to hell," I whisper, stumbling away from him.

"Nadia, please," he whispers, his voice rough. "Please, talk to me."

"You've said enough, and you're right," I call over my shoulder, tears slipping down my cheeks. "I shouldn't be wasting my time, and I shouldn't be in your life."

I should have taken the stupid science class and graduated early. Maybe then I wouldn't remember the way his lips feel against mine or have the memory of him saying the words I've dreamed about for so damn long—words he never meant at all.

He doesn't love me, not the way I love him. If he did, I don't think it'd hurt like this. You don't lie to the people you love. You don't pick everything except them. And you don't break them into tiny pieces, either.

"Nadia, butterfly," he pleads. "I love you. Please don't do this."

But I didn't do it. He did. He chose football over me—over us—and he wasn't even man enough to admit it. Instead, he made it my fault. Poor little Nadia, too dumb to make her own choices.

Well, screw that. He made this choice. He can live with it.