Page 19 of Hold Me Closer

"Now, are you ready for some good news?" Olive beams at me. "You're going to love this."

"Go for it."

"Your presales for the new album here have been stellar," she announces. "The record company is talking about adding dates across Europe and Asia."

I blink at her. "Europe and Asia?"

She bobs her head in an excited nod. "It'll add three months to the tour, but with how well sales are going, they think it's a no-brainer." Her blue eyes lock on mine, her smile massive. "You should be proud of yourself, Nadia. You're really blowing up big time."

I paste a bright smile on my face, even as my heart clenches. Three months overseas and five months of touring here. That's eight months on the road or on a plane. Eight months away from Teo.

We just found our way back to one another. And already, it feels like we're teenagers again, facing the same decisions. Only, instead of college, it's tour dates, football games, and our own past pulling us apart at the seams.

And I'm nervous as hell that, just like then, we may unravel.

" F uck," he growls into the phone a few hours later, his voice gritty. "I miss you like crazy, butterfly."

"I miss you too," I whisper, clutching the phone. My mind still spins, trying to process the new tour dates. Trying to slot the last few days into my mind. Everything is moving so freaking fast. "How is your hotel?"

"Lonely. I've got this big bed, and you aren't in it."

I smile, curling up on the sofa. "Should have tried to fit me in your suitcase then, Teo. I probably could have squeezed in," I tease.

"Shit. Why didn't I think of that?"

I laugh quietly.

"What did you do today?"

"Meeting with my manager. Did you know my ass is all over the internet right now?"

A growl rumbles in his throat.

"Don't worry, it's covered." I pause. "By your hands."

"Ah, hell. They got photos of us last night?"

"Yep."

He sighs heavily. "I'm sorry, butterfly. I promised not to fuck up your reputation, and I'm doing it anyway, aren't I?"

"Surprisingly, no. But she thinks I might be saving yours."

"That's because you're fucking perfect, baby. People love you."

"Actually, it's because someone floated the idea that you were protecting me in the bar the other night," I murmur. "It softened people toward you. Now, you just need to keep behaving yourself."

"Scout's Honor," he says solemnly, making me laugh.

"You were never a Scout, Teo Kirby."

"True." I hear the grin in his voice. "I had more important shit to do. Like follow you around. Remember when we went to science camp that summer?"

I groan loudly, covering my face with a throw pillow. "You mean the summer I got my period in the middle of the freaking woods for the first time, and you thought I was dying?"

"Not my finest moment," he admits, chuckling ruefully. "But fucking hell, butterfly. You were bleeding and crying. How the fuck was I supposed to know it was normal?"

"You ran screaming back to camp that I was dying, Teo!"

"Yeah, I did do that, didn't I?"

"Mmhmm," I mutter. "The whole damn camp knew I'd gotten my period."

"Hey. We threw you a party."

I pull the pillow off my face, smiling at the memory.

He felt so bad that I was embarrassed. He somehow managed to talk our counselors into letting him throw me a congratulations party.

By the end of the night, I was the most popular kid in camp because everyone got a party by the lake out of my misfortune.

And trust me, a party by the lake at science camp was worlds better than another hike up that damn mountain after dark to look at the stars.

"I don't know if you're aware or not, butterfly," he says, his voice soft and deep, "but even back then, I was shameless when it came to you. There isn't a damn thing I wouldn't have done to make you smile, especially when you were mad at me. I fucking hated when you were mad at me."

"You're still shameless," I whisper.

"When it comes to you? Fuck yeah," he growls. "Always will be. You're everything to me. If you need something, it's yours. That's how this works."

Well, crap.

I blow out a breath, sitting upright.

"I have to tell you something," I whisper.

"What is it?"

"Um, my album presales are going really well."

"That's great news, baby!"

"Yeah, it is." I bite my lip. "But it means the record company wants to add overseas dates to my tour."

"How many dates?"

"Three months' worth."

He's completely silent.

"I want to do it, Teo," I blurt, clutching the phone tightly. "I've worked really freaking hard to get here. I need to do this."

"Do you think I'm going to tell you no, Nadia?" he asks.

"No, I…"

"Tell me where your head is at, butterfly. Talk to me."

"I don't know!" I whisper. "I guess I feel like a kid again, being forced to choose between graduating early or staying for another year. Back then, the decision was easy. Everything I wanted at that moment was in one place. But…"

"Now it isn't," he says.

"Yeah." Now, the things I want are more complicated.

I want him more than I want air. But he wasn't entirely wrong when we were kids.

I did need to learn how to stand on my own and put myself first. I had to figure out what I wanted.

I've done that now. And one of the things I want is my career.

Maybe not as much as I want him, but it's a close second.

It's been my peace, my safety, and my one constant over the last few years. When I was falling apart, it was what put me back together. I don't want to give it up.

But I can't lose him, either. I did that once and barely survived it.

If the choice is between the two, there is no choice.

It'll always be him. I just don't want to have to choose.

I want both. Is that wrong? Is that selfish?

My dream was always him and music. Now, both are within my grasp.

Is it so wrong to still want both? I don't know.

I just know that this can't be my decision alone.

I didn't like it when he made his choice back then without consulting me.

I can't make this one for us without him.

If we keep making the same mistakes, we'll end up back in the same place, facing the same devastating consequences because as much as it may feel like we're facing the same things, we aren't kids anymore.

This time, we have to face it like adults.

That's how we make it through. It's the only way we make it through.

"I feel selfish for not wanting to give up anything important," I whisper. "I want to be right here with you. And I want to be there too."

"You aren't giving up anything, butterfly," he says quietly.

"You think I'd let you do that? I'll fly out to as many shows as possible.

We'll figure out ways to make it work. You won't be on tour forever, and I won't be in the middle of a season forever.

It may not be easy, but it'll be worth it.

We'll make it work until you're back in my bed full-time, where you belong. "

"Really?" I whisper. "You'd fly out for me?"

"Butterfly," he groans. "You weren't listening, were you? There isn't a fucking thing I won't do for you. I know what it's like to live without you now. I'm not going back there. Not ever."

"I don't want to go back there either. I missed you so damn much, Teo. Every single day, I missed you."

"Christ, I wish I was there right now to hold you."

"Thirty-six hours," I whisper.

"Yeah. Thirty-six hours." He mutters a curse. "I hope you're ready for me, baby. When I get home, you aren't leaving the bed for at least as long as I'm gone."

"What about food?"

"Oh, I have something I'll feed you, Nadia."

I moan softly, pressing my legs together.

"In fact, I'll feed it to you over and over again…"

Wicked, wicked man.

"Yes," I moan.

He chuckles through a groan. "Fuck. I can't think about feeding you my cock right now. We have to practice soon. My dick is already hard."

"That's your own fault."

"Nah, baby. It's definitely yours."

I grin, willing to take the blame. Or the credit. Same difference.

"You good now? Feel settled with your decision?" he asks.

"Yeah, I think so." I bite my lip. "That's a lie. I'm excited, Teo! Really freaking excited. We're really going to do this?"

"Yeah, we are, baby. And you should be excited. You've worked your ass off for this, and you deserve every bit of success."

"Thank you," I whisper and then pause, licking my lips. "Um, we talked about something else today."

"Yeah? What was it?"

"It was–"

"Shit. Hold that thought, butterfly," he grumbles as someone knocks on his door.

He shuffles around and then I hear him speaking to someone, their voices faint.

A second later, he comes back on the line, sighing.

"Butterfly? I'm sorry, but I gotta go. Coach is demanding we head out now. Can we pick this up later?"

"Yeah," I hurry to say.

"You sure? If it's important, I don't mind pissing him off. He'll forgive me."

It is important, but he's already in enough trouble. He doesn't need more right now. What I have to say can wait. Hell, maybe it should, anyway. It's probably best to tell him the things he doesn't know when we're face to face, right?

Obviously, it is. I'm just a coward. Hurting him is the last thing I want to do, and I'm freaking terrified this might break him.

"It can wait, Teo. Go to practice." I pause. "I love you."

"I love you too, butterfly. More than life."