Page 11 of Hold Me Closer

Nadia

" Y ou agreed to go out with him?" Zoya's eyes widen in shock, her mouth popping open. "Wow."

"I know," I groan, flopping backward on my bed. "I must be crazy."

"Or," she says, crawling onto the bed beside me, "you're still in love with him and just afraid to admit it."

I roll onto my side to face her. "He said he told the press we were dating because he didn't want me thinking there were other women in his life."

"Uh, duh." Zoya rolls her eyes at me, laughing. "He's still the same Teo he's always been, Nadia. He always went to crazy lengths to protect you. He's just…different now."

"Angrier," I whisper, my gaze locked on her face. "Is that my fault, Zoya?"

I couldn't bring myself to ask him if he blamed himself for the accident. I was afraid of his answer. It's going to break me if he's been carrying that around for all this time. He doesn't deserve it. God, no part of it was his fault, and I've never once blamed him.

"No, of course not. He just…" She sighs, worrying her bottom lip. "You really need to talk to him about everything. There are a lot of things he doesn't know and a lot you don't. Those things did a lot of damage for both of you."

"Like what?"

"You know I'm not going to tell you." She shakes her head before propping it up on her hand.

"I meant what I said earlier. We tried to talk to you about him.

You moved out. We tried to talk to him, too.

He got into his first bar fight. You guys were both drowning.

Mom and Dad and Aunt Miranda and Jason were scared, Nadia," she whispers.

"We all were. We were afraid we were going to lose one or both of you.

So we did what we had to do to keep you both in our lives and keep our families intact, and we agreed that we wouldn't talk about you to him or him to you.

We all keep your secrets for you, and we keep his for him.

If you want him to know something, it's up to you to tell him.

And if he wants you to know, that's his choice.

We're just going to love you both and be here for both of you because that's what you need from us. "

"When did you get so smart?"

She grins at me. "I've always been a genius. I just hid it better than you did. There was no freaking way I was doing all that extra work just because I was smart enough."

I laugh softly. Maybe I should have taken a page from her book.

I don't regret all the work I put in back then; I actually enjoyed it.

But I think sometimes our parents worried more about me because of how hard I always worked.

I missed out on a lot because of it…which was part of the reason I didn't want to graduate early.

My dad was freaking out about losing me, worried about me out in the world on my own at seventeen, when I was still so freaking na?ve.

I'd always had Teo looking out for me, keeping me safe.

The thought of me not having him to lean on was overwhelming for my dad.

It was overwhelming for me, too. Neither of us was ready for me to tackle that hurdle.

I was so excited about finally having a year where I didn't have to work so hard.

I could take easier classes and just enjoy my final year in high school with Teo.

I could do all the things I'd put off—like going to all the dances, getting wasted at a bonfire, or hanging out at the mall with Zoya and our friends.

Instead, I spent my final year in physical therapy.

And when I should have been packing for college, I was in rehab for PTSD from the car accident.

Everything fell apart. The thought of talking to Teo about all of that is…

overwhelming. Because I'm afraid he's going to break my heart all over again.

Whatever excuse he gives me for not showing up when I needed him, I don't know that it'll ever be good enough.

Why wasn't he there when I was in the hospital?

In treatment the first time? Or the second time?

I may have told him to leave me alone, but you still show up for the people you care about. You don't just freaking listen! So…why did he listen? I'm not sure I'm ready for that answer.

"Are you ready for your flight tomorrow morning?" I ask Zoya, ignoring thoughts of Teo.

She groans, flopping over on her back. "You mean, am I ready to go back to school? Never. I can't freaking wait to finish this year."

"Don't rush it. Paying bills is lame."

"Seriously?" She pops up from the bed, throwing her arms out wide as she dances around in a circle. "You live in a freaking castle, make millions, and you're complaining about bills?"

"Yeah, that is kind of dumb, huh?"

"Uh, yeah!"

I laugh, tossing a pillow at her.

She catches it, smirking at me.

"You know who else lives in a castle and has millions?" I waggle my brows at her. "Jareth."

"Nope!" she shouts, throwing the pillow at me to cover her ears with her hands. "I can't hear you!"

"He's hot!" I yell as she races toward the bedroom door. "And he has a thing for you."

"I'm going to bed!"

"Dream about him!" I shout after her.

"I hate you."

"I bet he's dreaming about you!"

"Good! I hope he is." Her wicked laughter floats back to me, making me smile. God, I'm going to miss her after she flies out tomorrow. This house is way too big for just me. I'm not sure why I bought it. It's beautiful, sure. But it doesn't really feel like me.

Maybe that's why I put in an offer. I wanted something different, something that didn't feel like the same old Nadia. This isn't that. It's more house than a girl from Tennessee will ever need.

I roll from the bed to go shower.

As hot water sluices over me, Teo rushes back to the forefront of my mind. I didn't tell Zoya that he made me come today. That little secret I intend to keep to myself. I probably shouldn't have let it happen, but I'm not sure I regret it, either.

Does he really dream about me every night like he said?

God knows, he's always the one getting me off in my dreams. It's always his hands, his mouth, his cock I think about when I touch myself. Even when he shouldn't be, he's my fantasy.

I slip my hand down my body, remembering the way he touched me today. The possessive edge to his kisses. The weight of his body pressing me against the wall.

It's always you on my cock. You, letting me taste that perfect pussy.

My thumb rolls over my clit, a whimper climbing up my throat. God, I shouldn't want him the way I do. He shouldn't make me ache the way he does. But it's always been him. I learned desire staring into his eyes. I tasted it on his tongue for the first time. And he shattered me with it today.

"Teo," I moan, an orgasm rolling through me. I work myself through it, trembling. And then I groan, plunging my head under the water as if that'll clear him from it. Spoiler alert: it doesn't.

When I climb from the shower ten minutes later, his piercing blue eyes still hang front and center in my mind, watching me from the deepest recesses, as if he carved out some new place in my soul today and made it his own.

My phone buzzes while I'm combing my hair. I scoop it up, my heart thudding unevenly against my ribcage when I see his name on the display.

Zoya was right today. He does still have his old number.

Teo: How many songs are about me, butterfly?

I read his message, contemplating how to respond. The truth is that most of them are about him. I have a lifetime of memories of him. He's indelibly stamped into the fabric of my life, into every cell of me. When I write, he pours out of me whether I want him to or not.

Me: How many fights were about me?

I don't really expect a response, but it comes almost immediately.

Teo: Most of them.

I blink in shock, but he isn't finished.

Teo: I told Greg Aldersgate about you when we were roommates. He attacked his girlfriend a couple of years later, and I handled it. He never forgave me. He brings you up to taunt me.

Me: He isn't the only one you get into fights with.

Teo: He isn't the only one who knows about you, butterfly. Most of them do. They say stupid shit to try to get me to react.

My hands shake as I try to process his answer.

Teo: How many songs?

Me: Most of them.

Teo: Do you hate me?

Me: I never hated you, Teo. I just…don't know how to forgive you.

Not even five seconds later, my phone rings. I swipe to answer, putting it up to my ear.

"Which part keeps breaking your heart, butterfly?" he rasps, his voice raw. "I can't fix it if you don't tell me what you're still bleeding over."

"The accident," I whisper.

He groans, a broken sound that hurts to hear. "You blame me for it."

"No!" I cry, tears springing to my eyes. I hurry out of the bathroom, curling up on the bed. "I never blamed you. You didn't run me off the road. You had nothing to do with it, Teo. But…you didn't show up, either."

"Didn't show…?" He pauses for a moment. "Is that what you think happened?"

"That is what happened, Teo," I say sadly, hugging my pillow. "I was in the hospital for two weeks, and you never showed up. You kissed me, and I ran off. And I never saw you again until last night."

"Christ," he rasps. "Butterfly, that's not what happened."

"Yes, it is."

"No, baby," he says softly, "it isn't. I'm the one who pulled you from the car after the accident.

You ran out of there, and I couldn't fucking let you go like that, so I went looking for you.

I got there right after…" He chokes. "You were barely conscious.

By the time I pulled you out of the car, you weren't breathing. "

"Teo," I whisper, tears slipping down my cheeks. "You were there?"