Page 73 of His Trick

Carrington whipped his head toward me, his black hair flying more wildly than usual. He still looked half asleep at this early hour, and his sleepy eyes made me feel an odd calm even as my rage consumed every other part of this day.

“Bullshit. You want to think that, fine. Go right ahead. You think whatever you need to. But I know more than what your cock tastes like, Sunshine, and deep fucking down…” He shook his head. “You know I do. That’s why you’re so intent on convincing yourself otherwise, because someone actually knowing you for you scares the fuck out of you. More than the bastard behind bars.”

I stared straight ahead, ignoring his words and the biting truth behind them.

We didn’t speak again, and before long, the chain-linked fences and barbed wire came into view. It looked like it was twisting, the rusted thorns wrapping around and piercing my heart the closer we got. With each mile behind us, I felt smaller,my mind going back to that fifteen-year-old kid who only wanted to be fucking loved.

“I’ve carried this around my whole fucking life,” I muttered finally. “Every night. Every time I close my eyes, it’s his cruel fucking eyes. I see him ready to kill me in that fucking shed. Or I see her…my mom.”

I paused. “He killed her, too. One day she was there, and the next she wasn’t. Edmund Anderson took everything from me. I didn’t…I didn’t remember enough of my life. All I had were some feelings that were a mix of fear and some fucked up form of happiness. And then…him.”

My jaw locked.

“I need to see him. I need to look him in the eyes and know he can’t touch me anymore. I need to let him fucking know he can’t hurt me anymore, and I didn’t become him. I won’t. I need closure, Carrington.”

Carrington’s hand landed on my thigh. His soft touch, from such a hard man, left my cheeks wet with tears.

“I know, Sunshine, but closure doesn’t always come from people like him.”

“You don’t get it, I have to?—”

“No, you don’t get it,” he snapped, cutting me off, his hand ripping off me like I disgusted him. “Men like him? Like me?They’ll rot in a cell and still feel like kings, because they know they’re inside your head already. If you’re walking in there thinking he’ll hand you peace fucking gift wrapped with a sappy ass apology for being who he is…you’re fucked before you even start. I am just kind enough to warn you.”

My chest tightened, anger and refusal rising with the stupid fucking tears. Under the pain from his words, there was something else festering in my damn heart.

Fear.

Fear of that little kid never getting the answers he needed. The ‘whys’ of the world that left me reeling in the aftermath of the fucking storm.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I will never get what I want. Maybe this is a mistake.

“So what, then? Am I supposed to just keep carrying it around until I fucking die? Pretend like I’m not still…still that stupid, hopeless kid?”

Carrington’s voice softened, just a fraction. “No, Sunshine. You walk your fine ass in there, and you remember you’re not that kid anymore. You’re a fucking man. Stronger than him. You aren’t chained by his actions. You are free. Despite every fucking effort to get you to let in the darkness, you still cling to the light. He didn’t take that from you any more than I have.”

My throat burned. I hated how badly I needed to hear that.

“And if I fall apart like a pathetic bitch?” I said, my voice breaking before I could stop it. It was hard to drive with the tears blurring my vision.

Carrington finally turned his body toward me fully, his expression dark as usual, but steady. “Then I’ll be right fucking there. I’ll drag your ass out if I have to, punch him in the face on your demand, hell, I’ll bribe a guard to throw him in solitary confinement with the biggest asshole they’ve got.”

I started to smile. Carrington’s idea of a pep talk was morbid, but it was what I needed right now.

“Whatever it is that is waiting there. You won’t face it alone, Baby Boy. Never again. You have me.”

The words slammed into me like a physical force, and it took the breath out of me. I clenched my hands around the steering wheel. “Why the fuck do you care so much, Care Bear?”

And why do I?

He smirked faintly, those damn golden eyes smoldering like a sunset. “Because, Sunshine, someone’s got to keep you fromburning yourself alive. May as well be me. Don’t fucking forget you’re mine…it’s as simple as that.”

I swallowed hard, feeling the heat twist in my chest. It was a mix of pain and something I didn’t want to name.

We were at a red light, and before I could stop myself, I leaned forward into the crazy asshole beside me. His lips tasted like soda and residual hints of his come from last night. This was such a dangerous game we were playing. Outside, the rain poured down, replacing the tears I had cried, reminding me of the constant chaos.

“And you were right before. In the showers.”

He kissed me back so passionately I became fucking entranced in his movements, the way his tongue wrapped around mine like it was always meant to. His moans and the foreign softness of his touch during this embrace.