Page 167 of His Trick

Let her go.

Kill her.

This has to end.

She screamed, panicked, her hands slapping at mine. I pressed my forehead to hers, sobbing into her beautiful hair, myvoice rasped raw. “I…I’m so sorry…I’ve been lost…I need him, Alexandra. It always was meant to be like this.”

Her eyes searched mine, wide and terrified. “I don’t…I don’t understand…stop this. You are hurting me, Shiloh. Please let me go.”

“I…I love you…you were what I needed. But now I’m free. I’m awake.” My hands slid down her legs briefly, gripping tighter, trembling over her soft skin. “I can’t survive this storm…none of us were meant to.”

Her struggle grew frantic, every movement mimicking her terror. My hands were shaking, but I held firm. My chest heaved as my lungs screamed for air. I had never felt so raw, so exposed, and so utterly undone.

She stood up and tried to run again. I caught her ankle as she lunged away from me, and I felt it—the bone cracking under my hands. Her scream ripped through the air as she collapsed. “Shiloh…no, how could you do this to me?”

“Stop struggling. I don’t need to make it hurt. But I will, ” I warned, my hands pressing into her sides of their own accord. “I…will give you a quick death. I owe you that.”

She didn’t know.

“I used you, Alexandra. I chose you when my heart begged me to pick him.”

The storm hammered overhead, the rain flooded my eyes as I straddled her, water running down my throat and falling into her screaming mouth. Mud soaked around our bodies, making us sink deep into the earth. Her pulse was frantic in my grip, her breathing ragged, her terror palpable. My own heartbeat throbbed in my skull, pounding, echoing through my chest like a message.

Do it.

End her.

End this.

I pressed her neck hard into the ground, my grasp slippery, my thoughts scattered. “I didn’t mean to betray you,” I sobbed uncontrollably to the sky above. “God, I…I tried to love you, but I can’t survive without Carrington…I can’t…I’m broken…I have been in the darkness all along.”

Her hands clawed at my shoulders, her voice sharp with fear. “Shiloh—stop—you’ll kill—me!”

“I…I can’t…forgive me, Xanthy.” I pressed down harder, feeling her body sink deeper in the mud, the rainwater rising to cover her neck and my hands. The droplets poured over my head, masking my tears of absolution.

“I’m…I’ve been lost…I just want to be free…”

She kicked, and my hands slipped slightly, giving her the tiniest of breaths. The water was rising, the mud encasing her, nearly to her nose now. She couldn’t open her mouth. The silence of this moment pressed into me. I shoved her harder into the ground, choking back sobs, gripping her tighter, shaking her body by her neck.

“Please…forgive me…forgive me…I love you…I needed you…” I whispered, my voice raw. My hands pressed against her throat, my fingers tightening, my eyes blinded by tears and rain. “It had to end this way, like he begged me for…it was always this.”

Xanthy’s face sank deeper into the mud, her eyes fluttering under the small puddle pooling at her head.

“I’m sorry, my wife—I’m sorry, I’m no better than him—I’m sorry I used you—I’m sorry I couldn’t be the husband you deserved—I loved you the only way I could.”

Her hands slowly began to loosen around my wrists, and small bubbles rose to the surface, her last soft breath leaving the world along with her soul.

“Goodbye...Alexandra,” I whispered to her softly, letting my tears fall into the puddle on her submerged face.

She was gone.

They both were.

Maybe now I could be free.

But who am I without them?

I got to my feet, walked back, and got into my truck.