Page 36

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

M argaret perked up when she heard the door opening. And she broke into a smile when she saw Lysander step inside.

“Lysander,” she said happily, breathing a sigh of relief, for she had worried after yesterday and the negative energy she had felt surrounding him, that he might spend the entire day avoiding her. “I was wondering when ye would come to check on me.”

He lingered in the doorway and watched her for a moment. A stab of panic struck her, that sense that all her fears and worries were real and this right here was the end… only for her to see his face, the smile he wore, and in that, the weight that she had been carrying was lifted from her.

“Ye look rather happy about something,” she said with a playful tone. “Does the sight of me in pain bring ye such delight?”

He chuckled. “Is that what you think this smile is for?”

“What else?” she said. “But if I am mistaken, please…” She gestured for him to come closer. “Enlighten me.”

He walked into the room and sat on the end of her bed. Then, a hand rested on her leg, and he gave it a soft squeeze. “We need to talk,” he said. “Honestly…” He shook his head. “I think we have needed to talk for some time.”

“I could not agree more…” Were it not for the way his eyes smiled at her, she might have been worried. But they are smiling for me, which is all I need to ken what he is here to say.

“These last few days…” He exhaled. “These last weeks, in fact, have been wonderful, Margaret. Although that word feels as if it falls painfully shy of just how much I have enjoyed myself. This marriage, when it began…” Again, he shook his head but continued to smile.

“There is no need to say the circumstances were not ideal.”

“An understatement if I have ever heard one.”

“But things change,” he said. “We have changed. And after meeting your family this week, after seeing you with them, it made me realize something about you.”

“I am listening.” She sat herself up, meeting his eyes, smiling fully as her heart began to beat.

“I feared when we first wed that you would be a bad influence. You know this…” He looked at her for an answer.

“Oh, I am too aware,” she chuckled.

“My daughters are all that matters to me,” he said. “For them, there is nothing I would not do. And my worry was that you…” He squeezed her leg again. “That you were not the type of person I wanted them to be around. Surely, you cannot blame me for such thoughts,” he then added with a cheeky wink.

“I am rather mischievous,” she grinned.

“But I was wrong,” he said, his tone turned serious now.

“About everything. My daughters love you, and for good reason. Since you have arrived here, I have seen them grow and change in ways I might have never imagined. And not just them, but me also. I…” He bit his lip as he considered. “Perhaps I have changed most of all.”

“As have I,” she agreed, shifting closer, ignoring the pain from her bruises. “We both have. But that is a guid thing, yes?”

“I think so,” he said, shifting closer, stiffly so that he was right beside her.

His hand on her thigh reached for her hand, and she gave it to him.

“We have not discussed it yet. This marriage… where it may lead. What will happen at the end of the Season? I think now it is time for that discussion.”

What was I so worried about? Now that the time has come, I cannae even remember. Of course he cares for me. Of course he wants me to stay. How could it be anything else?

She held his hand and looked into his eyes so he would know exactly what she was thinking… only for her eyes to then stray suddenly, spying for the first time what appeared to be a letter clutched in his other hand. “What is that?” she asked.

“What?”

“That?” She indicated the letter. “Is that a letter? Who is it for?”

His eyes turned wide with fear. “Oh…” He was quick to shove the letter into his coat. “Nothing. Nothing you need to concern yourself with…”

“Lysander…” She could see that he was lying. What was more, she could see how worried he was doing it. “What is wrong?”

“It is not worth worrying over.” He took her hand again, both now holding her own. “What matters is us, that is what I came here to speak of.”

She wanted to ignore the letter. Oh, how she did.

This conversation was one she’d wanted to have for days now, and it was right here, on the tip of their tongues, ready to be spoken so that she might lay her fears to rest. But in these past few weeks, Margaret had gotten to know Lysander as well as anyone, and she could see in his eyes that he was lying to her.

Worse than that, he was terrified by whatever had forced this lie.

Ignore it, Margaret. Deal with it later…

“Please, Lysander…” She sighed, hating that she was so stubborn. “I ken something is wrong. And somehow, I get the sense it concerns me. So, before ye say what ye came here to say, be honest with me.” She held his eyes, her stare pleading. “I think we both deserve that.”

Lysander sighed and bowed his head. Shoulders slumping. Body shrinking in on itself. Just as she knew him, he knew her well enough to know that he could not talk her out of this. Why am I so damn stubborn?

“It is a letter from Lady Brimstone…” Slowly, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the letter. “One, she has been sending all over the ton…” He could not bring himself to look at her as he held it out for her to take. “Vile words from a vile woman.”

“Lady Brimstone…” Margaret frowned as she took the letter. “Why has she been…” Her eyes drifted to the letter, and she began to read.

“Just know, I do not care what the letter says,” he spoke quickly as she read its contents; as she did, her stomach twisted, and she felt like she might be sick. “Just as you should not care either. It does not matter what she claims, for it is a lie, and we both know this.”

“Lysander…” Her stomach turned, as did the room about her. The things the letter said… I cannae believe what I am reading. How could she say such things? How could she spread such hideous lies? “Who has she sent this to?”

“Most of the ton, I believe.”

“Most of the…” Her eyes widened. “No.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He snatched the letter from her and tore it in half.

“That is what I think of her words. I have spoken with Julian already, and we both agree that if we pen a response and see the right people receive it, we will be able to curb the effects of this slander. It does not matter ,” he insisted again.

But it does… he might wish to nae believe such things, but he kens as well as I do the effects this letter will have.

Margaret was reeling as she considered the implications.

This marriage was orchestrated to try to protect both her name and Lysander’s from the scandal of how they met.

Now, it was a pointless endeavour as the truth had emerged once more.

On top of that, the lies about her undressing at the ball and them fighting over it would only work to confirm that scandal – all they had done to make this marriage seem a happy thing dashed in an instant. And it is all my fault.

Through the haze of sorrow and disgust, Margaret found herself thinking next about Lysander’s daughters.

How would this affect them? Worse still, what would they think when they heard of this?

Lysander had said himself that everything he did was for them, to protect them.

And Margaret, typical of her, had ruined that too.

She loved that he was pretending not to care. She loved that he was on her side. But in the moment, that seemed not to matter as much as it should. Dammit, it only made things worse.

“Yer daughters…” she said, almost to herself.

“Will know this to be a lie,” he said quickly.

“Will that matter?” She forced herself to look at him; her eyes brimming with tears as the sadness took hold. “Even if they do, what will others say?”

“Nothing once I set the word straight.”

“Ye ken as well as I do how impossible that is. People will believe what they want to believe, and those who questioned this marriage to begin with will only have ammo to use against ye. Against yer daughters.”

It was funny in a way that when the scandal broke all those weeks ago, Margaret had been the one to dismiss its importance. She had not then understood just how important the opinions of others were. She had not cared! Now, it was all she could think of.

Still, she loved Lysander. And if she was right, he loved her too.

And that is what makes this even harder .

She had never wanted to come between him and his daughters.

And for a while there, she had truly believed that her influence on them would not have the negative impacts that Lysander had believed.

But she was wrong, in so many ways. She was a bad influence, and Lysander deserved better than her.

Aurelia and Lenora, too… they deserve better.

“I need to think about this…” She pulled her hand free from Lysander’s.

Lysander leaned back in surprise. “Think about this? About what? I told you, it doesn’t matter.”

“But it does, Lysander,” she said, her tone pleading.

“Of course it matters. I ken ye think it daes nae. And I love that ye do – that ye want to pretend it makes nae difference. But ye and I both ken that this isn’t something we can just pretend does nae matter.

That it won’t affect us… that it won’t affect you and Aurelia and Lenora. ”

“Margaret…” He looked at her as if he didn’t understand what she was saying. “What are you… I know you think you need to protect my daughters. But you don’t.”

“But you do,” she said. “You said so yourself. They are who matter most, aren’t they?

” She looked at him for an answer, and he winced.

“I mean, that has been all you have cared about since this marriage started, which I dae nae begrudge you. I dae nae. Only…” Her chin began to tremble.

“Only, just as you worry for them and their future, so do I.”

He looked as if he could not believe what he was hearing. His eyes searched her, his mind desperate to find an argument that might make sense.

“Like it or not,” she continued softly, looking away because if she continued to look right at him, she might burst into tears. “You were right about me from the beginning. I am a bad influence, one nae worthy to share your home.”

“Margaret… what are you saying?”

He knew what she was saying, just as she knew it too. Lysander had come here to tell her he wished for her to stay past the Season; she was certain of it. And until one minute ago, she was ready to accept. How can so much change in a matter of seconds?

Doing the right thing was never easy. And knowing that it was the right thing made it no less difficult to bear. But as Lysander had said, Margaret had changed so much these past few weeks, and for that reason alone, she knew what she had to do.

“Come the end of the Season…” She spoke softly, looking down at her lap. “Perhaps it is best if I leave here.”

“Margaret…” He leaned back further.

“Nae because I want to,” she said. “But because I have to. We tried to make it work. We tried to prove that it could. It seems that we have both been proven wrong…”

Her world crashed and went up in a blaze of fire. Body shaking. Heart cracking. It took all the strength she had not to throw herself at Lysander and take back her words. More than that, she knew that if Lysander continued to push and deny her, she would not be able to keep up the fight.

Please fight me on this… tell me no… deny me… refuse to listen…

“Is that… is that what you truly think?” Lysander asked, his voice turned cold suddenly.

“It is,” she said, voice cracking. “I think we both ken it is for the best.”

Lysander took a moment for himself. His breathing was ragged; he tried to contain it, but his body was shaking, and she could feel the despair leaking from him.

The room turned cold, and although he sat right before her, it felt as if he was a million miles away.

The rift spread, and suddenly this marriage, which had felt so strong and assured, was a weak thing that seemed as if it had been destined to shatter.

“As you say.” He stood suddenly, unable to even look at her. “I will leave you.” And then he turned and strode across the room.

Her heart broke as she watched him go. Was this the right thing? Am I a fool? Oh, I undoubtedly am. I just pray he kens I am a fool who’s intentions were right.

“There is still one month until the Season’s end,” he said once he reached the door.

“During which, I intend to do everything I can to squash these rumors, which I expect you to take a hand in.” He looked at her for an answer, but she could barely react.

“And then, once I am certain there is no more that we can do…” He hesitated, eyes shut, taking a breath.

“You will return to Scotland. Is that understood?”

“It is,” she said. “For the best.”

He winced and looked away. She stared at him with pleading eyes because she wanted him to know how much this hurt her. How much she did not want it! Emotions washed over her, every one she had ever felt. Again, that urge to change her mind. To admit fault. To beg forgiveness!

But Margaret did nothing. She was a statue, torn from her body so that it felt like she was watching this scene play out from afar.

“I will leave you to rest,” he said, half stepping through the door. “Oh, and about supper tonight. Perhaps it is best if you do not join me and my daughters. I would not want you to be a bad influence on them.” He stepped through the door and closed it.

The moment she was alone, Margaret collapsed onto her bed in a heap.

The right thing was done. She had to believe that. Such was her love for Lysander and his daughters that she had taken the only means she felt she could to protect them. But that did not make her feel any better… the complete opposite, in fact.

It was a marriage that was never supposed to work.

An end date had been set. Terms had been given.

The promise of love and happiness was never considered because how could such a thing be found between two souls so different?

Somehow, it had been, only to be taken away for reasons that made less sense now that she was alone.

I pray that one day he will forgive me. That one day I might forgive meself. But that brings me little comfort, and likely it never will…