Page 56 of His Country
“We should get started,” Ethan chuckled darkly.
They kissed instead, softer this time, less frantic. Ethan seemed to be enjoying himself, taking his time to kiss every inch of skin he could find and then kiss it again. Last time they did this, by the fire on Christmas day, it was like a race to the finish. This was different. Not as awkward as a first date but maybe a third, where you already know enough about someone to be comfortable but not enough that you’re bored.
Ethan made the cutest little noise when Aiden sucked on his lip, whined if he ducked away from his kisses. And if he had to chase him, he kissed him hard enough to bruise. As if that was a punishment.
He learned a lot about himself, too. He liked it when Ethan slipped his hands under his shirt and splayed them across his ribs, holding him close. He liked unsettling Ethan, making him guess what he was going to do next. When he rolled his half hard cock against Ethan’s thigh, the man’s knees nearly buckled. He nipped at Aiden’s neck when he laughed at him, leaving behind a mark Aiden couldn’t wait to see.
Kissing Ethan had always been intoxicating. But it had been a wild ride full of hills and valleys Aiden couldn’t see. He had no idea if one moment he would be enjoying a high and the next a drop so severe he wouldn’t be able to make the next climb.
But now he had something he didn’t before. Freedom. Aiden thought it had to come from someone else, but that’s not real freedom. That’s permission. True freedom had to come from himself.
And now that he had allowed himself, Aiden could feel the chains he’d locked himself in begin to fall. They rattled to his feet with every breath he shared with Ethan. Every kiss was like turning a key in a lock he didn’t think could be opened.
With fingers in his belt, Ethan tugged him back through his office door. Aiden didn’t even know it was there until they were through, and he was being pushed against a wide wooden desk. Whatever was on the desk skittered to the floor. A pen dug into his thigh and the computer wobbled dangerously but Ethan didn’t care. He kissed him so hard Aiden nearly fell over backward.
“I wanted to let you go,” Ethan said against his lips. “Told myself it was for the best. That you were a runner, and I didn’t need that in my life.”
Aiden reached up to grab Ethan’s stethoscope on either side of his neck. “Thought I was a possum.”
“Goddammit,” Ethan swore with a smile, touching his forehead to Aiden’s. “You’re a pain in the ass is what you are.”
“If anything, you’re a pain in my?—”
Ethan kissed him, hard. “You’resuch a brat.”
Aiden laughed, his grip tightening on the stethoscope to keep Ethan close. He caught Ethan’s eye. “I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine.”
Those brown irises sparkled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Aiden said firmly. “I don’t….I don’t know how to do that. Or if I’m ready for the whole world t-to know that I’m gay.” He tried not to stutter but the word still felt poignant. Full of meaning Aiden didn’t quite understand.
“Hey,” Ethan stroked his cheek with the back of his hand. “I don’t need you to come out to anyone but yourself.”
“I’m not…it’s not you.”
“I get it,” Ethan kissed his cheek. “What we have, this right here, this is between us. No one else gets an opinion. It’s just you and I.”
Aiden’s eyes were wet again, and he had to resist the urge to hide them. Old habits die hard, and letting himself cry was something new. He wasn’t sure he liked it yet, but it made the look in Ethan’s eye go soft and sweet. He definitely liked that.
A small whine cut through their moment following by nails scratching on the door behind them.
“And Sugar,” Ethan amended with a smile, pulling away to open the office door so she could trot in. She gave them both a withering look. Aiden was going to have to give her so much bacon to apologize.
Ethan had patients the rest of the day, something Aiden hadn’t considered when he drove over. Truthfully, he hadn’t allowed himself to consideranythingbeyond just showing up. He’d called Frank from Ethan’s office and told him he was taking a few days off. Isaac could handle the farm for a few days.
Frank hadn’t said anything except, “If I have to find a new veterinarian, I’m going to make you sleep with the goats.” Which Aiden took to be his explicit permission.
At the back of Ethan’s office was a set of tight, spiral stairs that led up to an apartment. Dr. Groves used it for help during the busy season, but when he retired Ethan had moved in rather than get a place off property.
The studio apartment was furnished with an eclectic mix of bargain finds from estate sales and used furniture lots. With a narrow kitchen at one end and a bed tucked at the other, it wasn’t anything fancy. But there was warmth there that had nothing to do with the heating. A dog-eared paperback was tossed on the couch and a veterinary magazine open on the counter. Slippers peeked out from under a robe that had fallen off the hook. There were even a few photos taped up to the stucco walls.
It looked lived in, permanent, in a way that Aiden hadn’t seen in a long time. There were signs of life, of Ethan, in every nook and cranny. Even the cobwebs in the corners were knocked off at the height Ethan could reach. For some reason that made Aiden smile.
Even Sugar liked it. Once she got over the snub of being locked out, she made herself comfortable, hopping up onto Ethan’s couch with a look likewhat? He said to make ourselves at home.
For the rest of the afternoon Aiden puttered around the space and tried not to freak out about how hewasn’tfreaking out. He kept waiting for it, his breath bated, but it never came. The parts of his mind that once held the guilt and shame were quiet, filled only with the ashes from the pyre he’d burned them on.
In their place was a room ready for whatever came next. As Aiden plopped down on the couch, one hand on Sugar and theother draped over the arm rest, he kind of hoped it would be something likehome.