Page 55 of His Country

And Aiden had done that. By keeping one foot out the door because he was too scared to close it fully. To put his baggage down long enough to grow roots on ground he wasn’t sure wouldn’t be ripped out from under him.

But he didn’t need unsteady ground. Not when he had Ethan. Solid, steady Ethan. Who came when Aiden needed him andstayedeven when Aiden didn’t give him a reason to.

And now he wanted to give him a reason. Wanted to give him all of him and let Ethan love it.

Ethan said he lovedhim.

Aiden isn’t sure he can say it back. The words feel too big. He can’t unhinge his jaw wide enough. They stutter at the back of his tongue. He wants to say it, but he can’t. He isn’t sure how.

But there was a little mean streak inside him that rebelled. A tiny part, the part that was born and bred to live on a land that would never give an inch. Permanently etched into his soul, thriving no matter how hard he tried to destroy it.

He used to think if he was smart, he’d leave. If he was weak, he’d die. And if he was stubborn, he’d survive.

Aiden had always been stubborn.

But he was ready to do so much more than survive. He wanted tolive.

He grit his jaw, planted his feet, squared his shoulders, and lifted his eyes. It seared. Looking into Ethan’s brown eyes, ones that with a simple look could tear his flesh from his bones to see the bruised heart beneath. Eyes that had their own atmosphere, able to draw him in by just fluttering his lashes. Eyes that he longed to see blinking in the bleary morning haze, shade in the brutal afternoon sun, and watch close with a soft sigh when he kissed him in the evening.

Eyes he so badly wanted to see himself smiling in.

Tears beaded up on his lashes and he let them fall as he used all his strength to crack open his heart. Cut through all the scar tissue so that it could bleed freely, bright red healthy blood spilling so that his heart could start again. New and untouched.

“I love you.” Aiden wrenched the hat off his head and crushed it between his hands. He looked up without the brim to hide behind. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ran, I’m sorry that I pushed you away and didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I hurt you…I love you, and I don’t know how. I’m not even sure I deserve to, but I do. God, I do. I love you and it hurts and its terrifying and it’s everything.” His voice shook.

Swiping the tears from his eyes, he continued. “When I’m with you it’s like I was made right. My pieces fit together.” He swallowed, unsure what he was saying, letting his heart move his lips without his mind to interfere.

“You saved my life. Not just with your hands. With those late nights we looked up at the sky. With the way you kissed the breath into my lungs and brushed your pinky against mine. You taught me to fight so that even when I lost I could still like my reflection.” He took a step forward.

“You told me I could want more, and shit Ethan, I do. I want more. I want to have more than what’s between my feet. I want a future. I want you. I-I…just want.”

Ethan closed the distance between them, catching Aiden just as he was beginning to lose his footing. He pulled him close to his chest so that Aiden breathe in that ineffable scent that was soEthanthat he nearly laughed with relief.

“I-I’m gay.” he didn’t say so much as drag it out. Reach into his cracked chest and wrestle it from where it had embedded itself so deeply. Wrench it forward into the light so he could stare it down.

Kissing the top of his head, Ethan nodded, hugging him tight enough to put all the pieces Aiden had just broken off back together in such a way that the cracks between them were smaller.

“I love you, Aiden,” Ethan said, his lips pressed to Aiden’s temple. “I loved you from the moment I saw you, and I’m sorry too. I didn’t—I should have talked to you more. Shouldn’t have just left you a note when I knew that was your first time.” He pulled back so he could look at Aiden, using his thumbs to swipe the tears from his eyes. “I should have taken better care of you. I know that now and I promise,I promise,I will.”

“I’ll wreck your body, Aiden. Leave it covered in bruises and bites. Dirty you in ways you can’t even imagine.” He kissed his temple, then between his eyes. “But I will never, ever hurt you. This heart of yours,” Ethan bent to kiss his chest, lips warm and healing. “This heart of yours is precious. It’s strong, vibrant, stubborn, and mine.”

Aiden nodded. “And you always finish what you start?”

Ethan’s grin was blinding. “Always.”

They crashed into the stall, too enraptured in kissing each other to notice. Soft, filthy, and everything in between. It was like Ethan was determined to find all the little cracks in Aidenhe’d never noticed before and soothe them over. Kiss them better, until there was nothing left but pink, healing skin.

Aiden supposed there was some kind of irony in a broken man kissing one who spent his life learning how to heal. Maybe that’s why Ethan was so good with Aiden. He was used to healing those who couldn’t talk to him.

Ethan’s cold fingers stroked down his neck, sending shivers in the wake. Behind them, the little filly snorted. When they parted, Aiden found her staring at them with ears perked and dark eyes wide.

“Probably shouldn’t be doing this in front of a minor,” Ethan said, a little breathlessly, Aiden was pleased to note.

Smiling wryly, he turned back to Ethan. “We should probably stop making out in barns.”

Ethan raised a lecherous eyebrow. “Oh,” he teased as he kissed behind Aiden’s ear, nibbling on the soft skin until Aiden was wriggling, hands holding him by the hips to keep him still. “Or we make out in every barn in the county. Make it even.”

Aiden swallowed, desperate to keep his blood in the northern half of his body. “That’s a lot of barns.”