Page 47 of His Country

“Oh.” The mischievous light was back in his eyes. “I have so much to show you.”

Aiden didn’t think they were getting up off the floor today.

CHAPTER TWELVE

After being warm for so long, it was the absence of heat that drew Aiden from his sleep. Groaning into his pillow, he fought for as long as he could. Until the chill crept in, goosebumps rippling across his skin like the wind over tall grass. The discomfort drove his eyes open, blindly reaching for Ethan.

He found an empty bed. The sheets wrinkled from where Ethan had been sleeping. Cold snapped through him and he sat up, feeling his back twinge. He was too old to be having sex on the floor.

Sex.

He’d had sex with Ethan.

His nails dug into his hands as he looked around the bunkhouse. Grey early morning light filtered through the frost on the windows. The fire had died down. The room was chilly enough he could see his breath. And Ethan was gone.

Pulling the blanket up around his shoulders, he slipped off the bunk. Sugar looked up at him from her place on the couch, tail wagging. He scritched behind her ears as he double checked the front door. Ethan’s snow-covered boots were gone.

He’d had sex with Ethan and now he was gone.

Clenching his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering, he tried to reason with himself. It was the day after Christmas. He probably had to go home. His absence didn’t mean anything.

But that didn’t stop Aiden’s stomach from dropping. He hadn’t regretted what they did the night before, he had wanted it. Let himself want it. But now Ethan was gone, leaving Aiden alone with cum drying on his skin and a hole in his heart he didn’t have a name for.

It took me three to fall in love with you.

At the time, Ethan had been there. He smelled like nicotine gum and there was so much warmth in his eyes that it had been easy to ignore the swoop of anxiety those words caused. The immediate shame that came dressed like panic, hidden beneath thewantand the comfort that Ethan brought. But now he was alone, cold, and unsure where he stood. Aiden hadn’t said anything back to him. Hadn’t done anything except get lost in his own head.

And now he was alone. Again.

Aiden hadn’t realized just how much he hated it. That there was something worse than heartbreak, worse than anger that didn’t have anywhere to go. Loneliness was twice as painful and more stubborn than the Texas Hill Country. Aiden grew used to it, but then Ethan came. He came and he took up so much space, made Aiden comfortable in his own skin, and now he was gone. Because Aiden didn’t say anything back. Or because he was terrible at sex. Maybe he wasn’t sincere. He just said those things to get Aiden on his back and?—

Sugar shuffled up beside him, wet nose pressed to his thigh and tail thumping against him. Aiden’s knelt, burying his face in her neck. She smelled like dog, dirt, and old leather from her collar. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was familiar.

She danced under his attention, her nails making little tippy noises on the hardwood floor. He sighed fondly. Regardless ofhow he was feeling, he had animals to feed. The weight of responsibility grounded him. Giving Sugar a final pat, he lifted his head to see a flash of white under the kitchen table.

It had been hidden behind a table leg. Ripped on one side, corner bent, he instantly recognized the messy scrawl. Like the writer couldn’t be bothered to lift his pen between letters.

‘Had an emergency call. Didn’t want to wake you. I’ll see you soon.

--E

P.S This would be so much easier if you had a phone, you technophobe.’

Aiden snorted, fingers dimpling the paper. He read the note again and found it was easier to breathe. Just knowing that Ethan hadn’t been lying. That he’d meant what he said, it put some of his worries at ease.

But not all of them.

As he fed Sugar and got ready to venture out into the cold, he tried to get his head in order. Ethan hadn’t abandoned him. He had a legitimate reason for leaving. Emergency calls were part of his life. Aiden was fine with that.

It didn’t change the fact that he still felt listless. Like he didn’t fit in his skin, bones so small he was rattling around. Movements clumsy. It took him two tries to get his boots on, and his fingers shook as he pulled his zipper up. Everything was loud—Sugar eating, the kibbles crunching between her teeth, and her tag clanging against the metal bowl were like percussive blasts.

He’d had sex with Ethan. And he’d liked it. Maybe if he hadn’t liked it things would be different. He could chalk it up toexperimenting. Trying something new. But no, he liked it. Every moment—from the way the pressure turned to pleasure, Ethan’s hands, his filthy words that stoked Aiden in a way he didn’t know he could, the grip of his hand. All of it. It was like fitting a key to a lock he’d long given up opening, and now he couldn’t deny it anymore. Questions he was too afraid to ask about himself were answered.

Yet he still couldn’t admit it. Not even in the privacy of his mind. It was a label he’d been afraid of for so long, being faced with the confirmation was too much.

And Ethan wasn’t here. That bubble outside of time they could exist in together popped in his absence and Aiden didn’t know what to do.

So, he did what he always did.