Page 32 of His Country
Even though the storm had rolled past, it was still cold. The wind bit through their jackets and Aiden kept wriggling his toes in his boots to keep the blood flowing. Even Eagle had his ears pinned against the wind, a pissy expression on his face. The only one of them who seemed to enjoy it was Sugar. She entertained herself by snapping at flurries and leaping into snowbanks.
As they rode past, the cattle gave them the stink eye. It was almost as if they’d heard the gossip that some of the other ranchers sent their cattle to California to graze for the winter. While their neighbors were basking in the coastal sunshine, they had frost collecting on their lashes.
Once again, Ethan kept up a running commentary. Most of it was nonsense. He spent nearly an hour regaling Aiden on the latest book series he’d been reading. Another on a TV show he had to stop watching because the main couple kept getting back together and he didn’t like the female character. It was silly and Aiden couldn’t remember the last time someone other than Ethan chattered at him like that.
Not that it was their fault. Aiden made keeping people at a distance an art form. It was easier than answering questions he didn’t want asked. He’d never been a good enough liar to tap dance around the truth.
There was also a small part of him that felt like he didn’t deserve anyone. After what he did to Everett and Billy, it seemed like a kind of penance. The price he paid for running. After all, how could he be sure it wouldn’t happen again? Because the ugly truth was that as much as Aiden masqueraded as a cynic, at his heart he was a romantic. A dreamer. Someone who knew stars were just a boiling mass of gases and explosions but still looked up at the sky and made a wish.
He’d reached for the stars, contented himself with the clouds, and still fell victim to gravity. Picking himself out of a crater of his own making was too difficult. It was easier not to try again.
But then Ethan came along. He’d taken one look at Aiden in his self-imposed exile, laying amongst the wreckage of his past and scooted some of the debris aside so he could sit beside him. And Aiden realized that even when he was masquerading as someone who didn’t, he never stopped looking at the stars.
They finished the fence lines and accounted for the cattle and decided to camp out. It had been so long since Aiden slept beneath the stars and when Ethan suggested it, there was no question in his mind. Even the cold couldn’t keep him from wanting to stay in this space with Ethan. Outside of time and gravity, where no shame or guilt could find him.
Ethan got the horses settled while Aiden set up their tent and built a fire. The wind died down and the flames took. Sugar flopped beside the fire and Aiden buried his hands in her fur while he poked at the coffee can warming by the edge of the fire.
“C’mere,” Ethan called from where he was snuggled up in his sleeping bag. He watched Aiden as he approached, the light from the fire turning his brown eyes amber. Like warm whiskey. The longer Aiden looked into them the more he felt like he’d just swallowed back a stiff drink. Burning on the way down, only to settle into a suffuse warmth that could only be felt from deep inside his belly.
Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he looked down at him. “What?”
“Sit down.”
“Why?”
Ethan huffed, rolling his eyes. “So I can stick a spider down your shirt. Jeez, are you always so suspicious?”
His arm slid from the warmth of his cocoon to grab Aiden’s wrist. He dragged him down between his legs, yanking and tugging until his back was pressed to Ethan’s front and he could wrap the sleeping bag around them both.
From where his chin rested on his shoulder, Aiden could feel his jaw moving as he spoke. “It’s called cuddling and it’s good for you.”
Aiden shivered when his breath tickled his ear. “You’re so full of shit.”
“I’m serious,” Ethan said authoritatively. “Mammals require touch. Aren’t you a mammal?”
Shoving his elbow back, Aiden laughed when Ethan groaned dramatically. They lapsed into silence, letting the warmth between them thaw their bones.
They’d picked a decent valley to camp in. During the summer, wildflowers bloomed all over. Little patches of color in a green landscape. Now, it was dark. The only light for miles and miles was their fire. Even from where they were sitting Aiden could feel it’s warmth. He let his eyes burn as he stared at it, watching the log smolder in a symphony of cracks and pops just for them.
In this time outside of time, Aiden could allow himself to believe this was something more than just camping out. That this was something he could have. Dinner of cold jerky and metallic coffee, a show, and the two of them cuddling before falling asleep. No prying eyes. No witnesses save Sugar and the horses.
Aiden cleared his throat. “You have brothers?” it was phrased as a question but they both knew a segue when they heard it.
“Yup. Four of them.”
“D-Do…” he trailed off, unsure of how to word it. How to speak it aloud. He’d never said it before. Not like this. Not in reference to himself. “Do they know you like men?”
Ethan’s hand blindly found Aiden’s under the sleeping bag. He laced their fingers. “Yeah. I told them.”
He squeezed his hand like a buoy in the raging sea of what he was trying to say. He’d never allowed himself to discuss anythinglike this before. The focus might be on Ethan, but Aiden was close enough to feel the salty spray. “Did they mind?”
“Dunno,” he shrugged behind him. “Didn’t ask.”
Aiden twisted to look up at Ethan, to judge his seriousness. Was he mocking him? His face was sincere.
“I only care about someone’s thoughts onmysexuality if I’m seeing them naked. And that sure as shit isn’t my brothers.”
How could he be so…blasé about it? Uncaring? Aiden could see the strength in Ethan’s eyes. He was unwavering. Not that he didn’t care, but that he was confident. In himself. In his attractions. Ethan knew, unequivocally, who he was.