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And perhaps that’s what really scares you. That you’ll become the person your father always said you were. Childish. Ridiculous. A burden.

You can’t be a Little all the time. You can’t live your life that way. You have responsibilities. Besides, no one would want to take care of you full-time.

But she was scared that if she let her Little out that she’d completely take over.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

Why did he have to push her? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone?

She attempted to get off the sofa, needing to get away from him, to be able to think, but he put his hands on her thighs. “Little girl?—”

“I’m not a Little!” she cried.

“Yes, you are,” he said calmly.

“I’m not. And you don’t get to tell me who I am. I don’t care whether you think you’re in charge or not. This is my life. Keep pushing and I’ll push back.”

It was a ridiculous thing to say. Like she had any power to push back.

You’re powerless.

You’ve always been powerless.

A sob escaped her. And something like regret filled Tobias’s face.

“Immy, talk to me. Tell me why you’re so afraid of this. You shouldn’t be scared of that side of yourself. Especially when she’s already here.”

“What . . . what do you mean?”

“Your Little side, she’s always with you. She’s a part of you. You just need to let her fully out instead of keeping the heart of her locked away.”

What the cupcake?

Why was he doing this?

“I’m not doing this.”

Keep it together, Immy.

She didn’t know what she felt like doing. Screaming? Crying? All she knew was that her emotions were bubbling over and they were making her feel out of control.

“I want to leave now.”

“Don’t want to upset you?—”

“Well, you’re not doing a good job.”

He eyed her for a long moment. “Can see that. Just want you to know that your Little side is part of who you are. And who you are is fucking amazing, Immy.”

How was she supposed to be mad at him when he said something like that?

“I can’t let myself . . . I can’t be like that . . . I can’t. It’s wrong.”

“So Cat’s wrong for being the way she is?”

“Of course not! Cat is amazing! But she is beautiful and kind and crazy. She doesn’t need anyone. She can do everything herself. So can Maeve.”

“And you can’t?” He tilted his head to the side. “Don’t you think you’re capable of doing anything?”

“I’m not,” she said harshly. “I can’t do anything! I’m useless!”

“Immy?” The voice came from the doorway and she glanced up, her breath coming in sharp pants.

Why was Jenner there? And Abe and Sampson? They weren’t due back until tomorrow. Isaiah was locked away upstairs, which is why she’d brought out the Christmas decorations tonight.

“Immy, why would you say you’re useless?” Jenner asked, sounding horrified. He rushed forward, glaring at Tobias. “What the fuck did you do?”

“He didn’t do anything!” she cried, even though that wasn’t actually true. But she didn’t want Jenner to be mad at Tobias. Even if she kind of still was.

Who you are is fucking amazing, Immy.

Those words were sweet and they were amazing and she just wasn’t sure that she believed them.

Because she wasn’t amazing like everyone else. They all had these awesome careers. They all shone like bright stars. She was the one who was a burden.

“Then why the fuck are you so upset?” Sampson snarled, grabbing hold of Tobias’s shoulder.

Tobias stood and swung around. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Oh no.

No, no.

“He wouldn’t be touching you if you weren’t upsetting Immy,” Jenner said.

Tobias turned to Jenner. “I was upsetting her because I was pushing her to admit who she is. To understand why she is so scared of showing her Little side, of embracing it. Something you all have been too scared to do. You’ve let her live in denial and maybe fear.”

“Fear?” Jenner said starkly. “What do you mean, she lives in fear?”

“Immy?” Abe asked. “You’ve been living in fear?”

“No! Of course not!” She stood up and immediately started shifting around, fidgeting.

“You’re lying,” Jenner said. “You can never stay still when you’re lying. Immy, talk to us.”

“Immy, why do you suppress your Little?” Abe asked. “Are you scared to admit to being a Little?”

“I don’t . . . I’m not scared.”

“You’re still fidgeting,” Jenner said. He cupped her face between his hands. “Immy, talk to us.”

“I just . . . I don’t want to be any more of a burden!

” she yelled. “I shouldn’t be like this!

It’s wrong. I don’t mean being a Little is wrong but I’m already so much work, I’m always sick, I can’t live alone, I can’t do much of anything!

Useless just like my father always said!

And I can’t even do the one thing he wanted me to do and have children. ”

“What do you mean?” Jenner asked, going pale.

“The . . . the doctors once told me that they thought it would be pretty difficult for me to get pregnant, at least without help. Maybe I could with IVF, I don’t know.”

“Oh, baby,” Jenner whispered. “You’re so young and there’s lots they can do if you want to have a baby.”

“I know, I’m not even sure I do want that. It’s just . . . my father was so disappointed when I told him. This was about six months before he died. ‘Always a disappointment’ are the exact words he used.”

“Fucking bastard,” Sampson snapped.

“Yeah, he was,” she agreed. “I just . . . I don’t want you all to get sick of me.

To wake up one day and regret that you ever took me under your wing.

I was so lonely before you all came to the cult.

I had no one but my shell of a mom and my bully of a father.

I wasn’t allowed to play. Or to laugh. Or to smile.

I had to work and work and work. Then you guys arrived.

And life became happier. I still had to work, but I didn’t care because I knew I’d see you guys.

And when my father would start telling me that I was dumb and useless and worth nothing more than my womb .

. . well, those words would slide right off me because I’d think of the way Maeve would smile.

Or how Cat would get all fierce. Or Sampson would grumble.

Or how Abe would hide me behind him. Or Isaiah would sneak me out of the house.

Or how Jenner would sneak into my room and sleep on the floor and keep me safe. ”

“Actually, Immy, you were the one keeping me safe,” Jenner told her.

She blinked at him. “What? No, I . . . how?”

“Because my father was an abusive asshole who hurt me,” he told her bluntly.

She sucked in a breath. She’d always known that Sampson and Jenner’s father was a complete asshole, but . . . he’d hit him?

“He hurt you?” she whispered, letting the pain of that fill her voice. “Hit you?”

“Yeah, baby. He did. He was a complete bastard who fucked with my head. Who is still fucking with my head and I’m trying to exorcise him. Truth is, I preferred him hurting me physically to what he would say to me. The way he would twist everything in my head.” He closed his eyes for a long moment.

“Jenner, no,” she said, letting out a sob.

“I didn’t tell you this to upset you or for you to feel sorry for me.” Jenner shook his head, opening his eyes to stare at her as he kneeled in front of her.

Tobias moved slightly to the side so that they were both in front of her.

Cupcakes.

This was another dream of hers.

Lord. It was almost too much. Although in her dream she wasn’t about to cry because of what Jenner was telling her about his past.

God, she was hurting for him.

What right did she have to let her father have this hold on her when she hadn’t experienced an eighth of what Jenner had been through?

And maybe Sampson.

She glanced up at Sampson. “The sperm donor beat me to toughen me up. I never knew he was hurting Jenner, though. If I had, I would have lost my fucking mind.”

“That was another reason why I hid it,” Jenner said. “Why I’d sneak in with Immy. To protect her, to protect you, and so I could get out of that house and away from that asshole.”

“Jenner,” she said again and tried to slide forward, toward him.

He held up a hand and that hit her hard in the stomach. Didn’t he want her to touch him?

“Don’t touch me yet, baby,” he told her.

“I’ve got some things to say and you need to hear them.

Because from what I heard you have some serious misconceptions about your place in our lives.

About your importance. I don’t know where you got this idea that you could be a burden to us, but you are so wrong it’s not funny. ”

She blinked rapidly, hating that she felt like crying. She glanced up at Sampson and Abe who were standing behind Tobias and Jenner. To her surprise, Tobias moved and sat next to her.

“But I am a burden,” she whispered. “Look at what just happened. I’ve been sick for days and you all had to stop everything to take care of me. That’s not what a friend should do. I shouldn’t rely on my friends to nurse me when I’m ill. I shouldn’t be a constant drain on you guys.”

“For fuck’s sake, Immy,” Sampson grumbled. “Who said you’re a fucking drain?”

“I can’t believe you’ve been thinking this way,” Abe said, looking pale. “I’ve always thought of you as my sister, Immy.”

“I feel that way about you too,” she said.

“Then you should know that family is never a burden. Family is a blessing,” Abe told her.

“You’re right. I know you are. It’s just .

. . my father always told me how he wished I was a boy.

I think that’s why he was better when you lived with us, Abe.

Because you were the boy he always wanted.

I was only good for breeding. I wasn’t smart or clever or beautiful or athletic.

I was childish and stupid. It just . . .

it got into my head. His voice is so often in my head.

” She smacked her hand against her forehead.

“Hey, stop that.” Jenner grabbed her hand, pulling it down.

“Immy, Cat has always been filled with mischief and she needed the rest of us to ground her, to keep her from getting into too much trouble. Maeve, she was our joy. She’d make us smile and laugh.

All of us hated her leaving, but knew she had to do it.

But do you know who you’ve always been for us, Immy? ”

She shook her head.

“You’re our heart. You brought all of us together, kept us together.

Without you, we might have all fallen apart.

We’re all better people because of you. We take care of you because we want to.

Not due to necessity or pity or whatever you’re thinking in that head of yours.

” Jenner tapped her forehead lightly. “You are wanted. You are loved. You are not what he said.”

“And you want to let your Little fully out, then fucking go for it,” Sampson grumbled. “She peeks her head out a lot anyway. You are her and she’s you.”

Everyone stared at Sampson in shock.

“What?” he snapped.

“We’re just not used to you being so insightful,” Abe said with a smirk.

“Shut the fuck up.” Sampson smacked his hand against Abe’s arm, pushing him. “I can be insightful.”

“No, you can’t,” Jenner said. “You have the emotional intelligence of a rock.”

“Dick,” Sampson muttered.

Immy grinned at them all. This is what she loved. When they were all together. Well, Isaiah and Maeve and Cat weren’t here. But this was filling her bucket and the water was starting to overflow over the top.

“You guys really think that about me?” she whispered.

“Yeah, Imms,” Abe said, looking at her incredulously. “We fucking love you. And we just want you to be happy. The last thing we’d ever want was for you to feel like you couldn’t be yourself or that you’re asking too much.”

“You can never ask too much, Immy,” Jenner told her. “Not ever. No matter how much you ask, it won’t be enough.”

This time when she leaned forward, he didn’t move away. Jenner gathered her into his lap, holding her tight as Sampson and Abe joined them in a hug.

“We’re a family, baby,” Jenner whispered to her.

“You’re ours and no matter what, we want you, we love you, and we’re gonna take care of you.

The same way you always take care of us.

You always cook our favorite meals when one of us is down.

Every birthday and holiday is extra special because of you.

Because you love on us. And we just want to love on you back. ”

He had to stop. She could feel the tears forming and sliding down her cheeks. So she pressed her face into his neck and just held on.

And they held onto her for a long, long time too.