Page 75 of Heartless Heathens

“Reesa is here,” Felix said from the other side.

“W-why?” I asked.

“I’m here to help with your menstruation frustration,” she said in a cheerful tone and I groaned, dipping all the way down into the water to submerge myself before remembering it was probably now full of uterus blood.

She waited for me to finish and once I’d dried and wrapped myself with a towel, I opened the door for her to come in.

“What do you like? I can be the goddamn Willy Wonka of periods bitch,” she said, dropping a backpack onto the floor like it was a treasure chest.

“I don’t know what that means,” I told her honestly and she shot a big white smile at me.

“What do you use? Tampons? Pads? Cups?” she asked.

“No?” I said almost like a question, bringing my fingers to my lips and biting on my cuticles nervously.

I didn’t want to answer wrong.

“Well, if you used a cup you would know. That’s what I prefer, wanna try one out? I have a couple of unopened boxes. My mom bought a bunch on clearance before this name brand got bought out by the Nile.”

“A whole cup?” I exclaimed. “I don’t think that will fit up there.”

“It’s smaller than you think. But maybe we should try something easier first.” She laughed. “I’m usually not a fan of tampons, but these are organic. Let's start simple.”

She handed me a little green wrapped package and I looked at it dumbfounded.

“Er- Okay, here’s the box. I’ll give you some privacy but I’ll be right outside that door if you need me.”

I wanted to tell her to stop, to tell her to stay because I had no idea what I was supposed to do with this packet. I was overwhelmed and my stomach was hurting worse than it had ever before in the past.

I sat on the toilet and took a deep breath, opening the green wrapper and becoming even more flustered trying to figure out how this was supposed to keep me from bleeding all over myself.

“I don’t understand it,” I shouted to Reesa.

“Extend it! You have to make it longer first.”

“Why?” I muttered out, not loud enough for her to hear. “Now what? What am I supposed to do with it?” I shouted and she giggled.

“There’s a diagram, open up the paper in the box.” I huffed out frustratedly but got out the paper.

The diagram did not ease my anxiety in any way.

“What if it gets lost inside of me?” I shrieked and she cackled out far too loudly for my comfort.

“It won’t.”

I was on my third attempt but every time I tried pushing it inside me it would get stuck and then just as I’d pull it out of me it would come out of the plastic applicator just fine. There was a graveyard of cotton mice surrounding me and I was starting to drip blood on the tile floor.

“I need help Reesa!” I begged with a frustrated cry.

“I’m sorry my friend, that’s a journey each menstruating person must face alone,” she said with a lamenting sigh.

“Like Bilbo?” I asked and she laughed.

“Yeah like fuckin’ Bilbo, but our dragon is our uterus.” She chuckled from outside the bathroom.

“No one showed you?” I asked her.

“I think my mom would have cut off her own hand before showing me.” She laughed. “Do you want to try a pad instead? Or maybe prop one leg up on the toilet, sometimes that helps.”