Page 135 of Heartless Heathens

“What happened then?” I asked him and his hold on me tightened.

He hesitated before taking another deep breath.

“Then I got his gun from the side of his bed, pointed it at his head and shot at him until his face came off.”

I pulled his arms around me tighter, as if that somehow would bring him comfort though it was quite clear he was the one soothing me. I felt his inhale, his nose buried deep in the mess of my hair, but he didn’t say anything else.

I couldn’t bring myself to it either.

I woke up alone in Sonny’s bed.

I don’t know why I had expected more after his confession yesterday, but after a lifetime of silence between us, we both fell asleep. Maybe there was nothing left to be said.

He was a little boy who was forced to grow up before his time.

He was a protector.

But his closet wasn’t just full of skeletons. His closet had demons clawing at the door, begging to come out.

After what felt like an eternity, I decided to crawl out of his room and repair the damage from yesterday. I looked in the mirror, repulsed by the state of my hair, tangled up and crunchy in places where more blood than water had soaked into it.

I eventually resigned myself to taking a thorough shower and washing the essence of somebody else’s death off of me. It didn’t feel as wrong as I expected it to.

It didn’t feel like anything at all.

I could hear the three of them talking in the kitchen and I stayed hidden in the hallway.

“Who’s going to tell her?” Corvin asked.

“Tell her what? That her only family member is dead? That nothing’s really changed even though she’s all alone in this world?” Sonny said with a bitter tone.

“She’s not alone.” Felix’s voice was cold, putting Sonny in his place.

“You tell her then, I can’t hurt her anymore. You’re at least good at it.” Corvin sounded wounded.

“No, she’s just good at letting me,” Sonny said, pushing his stool away from the island hard enough for me to hear it scratching against the marble.

“Tell me what?” I entered the room, and they held their breaths.

“Arlan is dead,” Sonny said, standing up.

Three words. They meant nothing and yet so much all at once.

I didn’t respond. I didn’t have enough thoughts yet. I didn’t know how to mourn a stranger.

“Romina?” he asked, “Did you hear me?”

“I did.”

“Pretty girl? What can I do for you? What are you feeling?” Felix asked anxiously while walking over to me.

“Nothing. I-I didn’t know him. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. Mad?” I told him honestly while I tried to sort through the pile of emotions weighing me down.

“Mad?” Corvin asked.

“Mad at myself, for not going when I had the chance. Mad at the universe for dealing me these cards. Mad at Sonny for keeping this from me until it was too late,” I said, making eye contact with him.

He didn’t look away.