Page 103 of Heartless Heathens

“Then why don’t you want me?” she asked, the desperation in her voice almost too painful to ignore.

I cupped her face in my hands and pulled her up towards me.

“There’s nothing I want more than you, beautiful girl. But things are complicated right now and sex…It’s just one more thing that’s going to complicate it even further. It comes with a lot of responsibilities and hurdles I can’t jump over. Not right now.” I hummed softly in her ear hoping it would be enough, but she pushed me away, the scowl still carved deeply into her forehead.

“You and Sonny are the same, you both enjoy seeing me break in whatever way you can. At least Sonny doesn’t cover up what he’s thinking with sweet words and soft touches.” She stormed away angrily and disappeared into the dark hallway.

I heard the slam of a door and figured it was best to give her time to cool down. I’d sleep out here tonight and maybe by tomorrow she’d be less pissed. Now that I knew who she was, putting my dick inside her felt like the biggest lie of them all. How could I fuck her knowing who she was when she didn’t know it for herself?

Even more so, how the fuck was I supposed to explain to her that we lived in a world where people like us, people who saw things for how they truly were, were most afraid of bringing children into it? How was I supposed to tell her that I wasn’t going to leave it up to chance, or some expired condoms, to dictate how the rest of our lives were going to go because she wanted to feel my cock inside her?

And fuck did I want it too.

But after Roe v. Wade fell, every form of birth control became outlawed. We’d need to travel far to find a doctor who was willing to risk their license and their church sanctions just to supply us with something that was either expired, or not FDA approved, and from another country. Though they providedsomepeace of mind, nothing really reduced the haunting risk that clouded over your cock at the idea of raising your kid in a world like this.

And that’s how my boner died every time.

I stuffed myself back into my pants with a dramatic exhale and crossed my arms behind my head, looking for a more comfortable position to sleep in.

Shecameintomyroom pushing the door open with no regard and letting it hit the wall before it sprung back and closed on its own. Her eyes were red and puffy like she’d been crying but the look on her face said she was full of rage. Her nostrils flared and her chest heaved up and down like she was struggling to catch her breath.

She reached down and grabbed the hem of her dress before pulling it over her head and throwing it on the ground. She was wearing matching black underwear and the fabric was sheer, leaving nothing to the imagination. The bra pushed her tiny tits up even higher, the black mesh squeezing against her flesh.

I commanded my cock to play dead but for the first time in as long as I could remember it didn’t listen. My meds had long since faded from my system.

Which also meant I was dangerous.

She sauntered in my direction, in no way attempting to be sexy but somehow nailing it. The sound of her whimpering still echoed in my ears from my brother finger-fucking her on the couch.

It was hard to deny how much I wanted this girl, but I knew there wasn’t a future like that for someone like me.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I said, leaning my back against the frame of my bed.

“You told me that you like me. Right?” she asked, so much of her nervous mannerism fading as each day went by.

“I did. We arefriends.” I emphasized, raising an eyebrow at her as she continued to move my way slowly.

“You’re all awfully irritating,” she said in a snide tone.

“How so, little lamb?”

“Your brother says he likes metoomuch, and it’s quite obvious Sonny doesn’t like me at all. Now you’re telling me that you can like someone as a friend? How many ways can you all avoid this?”

“Too much? Not at all? What are you asking of them?” I tried to piece together her disjointed thoughts.

“Nothing they can’t give me. But they won’t.” She exhaled through her still flared nostrils, she was pissed. “I just want to be in control of what happens to my body. I want to get to choose.”

That was a request I could sympathize with.

“What are you asking ofme?” I narrowed my eyes, though with her naked in my room it was hard to pretend like I didn’t already know.

“You know what I want,” she said bluntly.

“I’m not the one, little lamb.” I shook my head at her, though with her giftwrapped in front of me it was hard to believe the words were coming out of my mouth.

“Someone has to be, why not you?” Her eyes glossed over as she stood above my bed.

“Because I don’t want to be responsible for breaking your heart, Romi. You give your body to me, and I’ll take everything else that goes with it. But I’m a selfish bastard. I’ll only ever like you; I can’t do more than that. Do you understand?” I asked but she shook her head.