Page 63 of Heartbreak Hockey

Fuck, I could see myself building a life with you.

* * *

Iread that last line over and over. It’s gonna haunt me. I’ve never thought something like that before let alone written it down like I’m carving it into stone. I can’t think like that. We have an agreement and I’ll stick to it. Things with us are good.

As good as they’ll be anyway.

The team’s been on the road. Boy do they hate my methods, but they’re loving their stats. My methods have never been the issue. I get distracted by what’s happening at home. That’s my downfall. How can I feel anything but guilt when I know I play a strong role as a primary caregiver, and I’ve left them all just like their mothers did? Their dad isn’t all that attentive either. I’m conflicted and it’s what drove me to drink last time.

Bea and Ari know this about me so they’re hiding things from me. They think they’re so fucking clever, turning Bryce to their side. I’m proud of how much he’s stepped up though.

They left me no choice but to turn to the youngest of the Meyer teen division who are still not over the fact that I’m gone but are willing to accept bribes.

“Fifty bucks, and you spill,” I say to Rachel.

“Fifty? What am I supposed to buy for fifty bucks? One Starbucks coffee?”

I’m in a hotel room in Boston. Yeah, Boston. I’m real excited about that. I have thirty minutes before I have to give my team a pep-talk and warn them that if they kill the other team, they can’t play hockey in prison. I also want to steal a kiss from Jack if we can get a quick moment.

“A hundred and then I move on to Dawson.” I should have started with Dawson. He would have taken fifty.

“You have a deal. What do you want to know?”

“Every bit of gossip you can think of.”

“Let’s see.” I can imagine her, lying on her back on her bed, her shaggy dark hair splayed on her comforter with her bare feet kicked up the wall, putting her footprints all over it. She always talks on the phone like that though it’s less talking, more texting these days. “Everyone’s worried about the baby.”

No wonder they were hiding that from me. “What’s wrong with the baby?”

“We dunno yet. Maybe nothing. Sandra was bleeding or something? I don’t really know. She seems fine now.”

Scrubbing a hand over my face, I gather the patience for this conversation. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have called her before the game. “Is Sandra okay?”

“Didn’t I say she seemed fine?”

I huff and reason that if it were deadly serious, one of my idiot siblings would tell me. “What else?”

“Theo’s cried for you every night you’ve been gone. He’s not sleeping.”

“I’ve talked to Theo and Bea. No one told me … they should have told me,” I snap.

“Don’t shoot the messenger. You sure we should do this? Maybe there was a good reason I was threatened life and limb not to tell you anything.”

“Yet, you still told me.”

“Duh. You offered me money. Everyone’s got a price, Merc.”

“I want my money’s worth. Tell me the rest.”

Ari’s short on work. Trish fell at work and broke a bone in the bottom part of her leg and is on crutches, which means Bea doesn’t have the help she normally does. The girls have been getting in trouble at school, which is unheard of, so I know that’s to do with me being gone. Something’s going on with Dawson, but Rachel refused to rat him out.

“What about you?”

“As if I’d tell on myself.”

“Do you always have to be up to something?”

“Well, uh, there’s kind of this boy so I’m maybe the only one who’s glad you’re not here because you’d definitely want to kick his ass.”