Page 57 of Heartbreak Hockey

“I want to hear, I’m just telling you that I’m far from perfect. Don’t expect perfection from me. I won’t expect it from you either, deal?”

“That takes a lot of fucking pressure off.” Maybe we might be good at this? “Rhett says a scout from the Eagles is coming. It’s not for sure, he doesn’t know when, and he wanted it to be a surprise.”

He nods. “You didn’t want to ruin the surprise, but you knew I’d ask why the hell you were talking to him.”

“Yes. He said some other stuff too, but how do you feel about that first bit?” I ask.

“Can’t help the excitement about that, it’s my dream. I know what he’s planning though. If I play for the Eagles, we’ll be together again.”

“That’s the other part. He called you his fiancé and said you’d be starting your life together at the end of the season. We weren’t anything at the time, so I told him that we weren’t.”

Jack doubles over with laughter, slapping his knee. “Good Lord. That’s ambitious considering the first time we talked in since we broke up was this past September.”

“He sounds delusional.” I squeeze his hands. Him sitting on that other couch seems too far away even though our knees are touching.

“Maybe about that. He’s just being him about this. He’s always been—”

“A tad psychopathic?” I kiss his knuckles, and he gets closer, resting his forehead on mine.

“C’mon, you know I like the villain, beast man. You’re not that much different from Rhett. I have a type.”

Not sure if I like being compared to that guy, but he doesn’t seem upset. I’ll take the win. “He’s your unfinished business,” I say. It’s not a question. “Is there any truth to what he’s saying?”

Jack sits up, but I refuse to let go of his hands. “I don’t know, Merc. We broke up over a year ago instead of getting engaged because I wouldn’t quit hockey and become a kept man. Rhett’s richer than God by the way.”

“I know a bit about the Elkingtons. So, you picked hockey?” That’s what I would have done. That’s what I’d been doing until I got canned. Then it was me choosing my family over having a relationship.

I know the deal with Jack and that I’m not supposed to be envisioning a future with him, but this conversation steers my thoughts down the “what will happen to us if he gets drafted” road anyway. We’d be in the same position he and Rhett were.

Suddenly trying to make both work—a hockey career and a relationship—isn’t so cut and dry. I’d move hell and high water to make it work with Jack.

“I did, but so did he. Know what he wanted me to do? Start a doll shop on Etsy. My dad—the other dad—has one. He makes linen rag dolls, and I don’t mind helping him from time to time, but going from pro athlete to house husband was just—”

“Insulting? There’s nothing wrong with being a house husband—I’m practically one without being an actual husband—but not if you’ve got another dream you’ve been working toward.”

“Yeah, exactly. Guess he’s trying to make up for it with the scout.”

He’s got that look about him again. The haunted one. He’s thinking about it.

“Is this you breaking things off with me, Merc?”

“Wasn’t my plan, no.”

“But what if I get signed to New York? What if I marry Rhett? What if—”

What if?There are too many what ifs in life to worry about them all, but there are some what ifs you don’t dare leave hanging to wonder about.

“The only what if I don’t wanna wonder is, what if I never had these moments with you?”

“That’s nice, Merc. I don’t wanna wonder that either. Whatever happens, no regrets.”

“There’s only want one thing from you, Jack.”

“My sweet ass?”

My smile widens. “When you’re in my arms you’re mine.”

“All yours. Come over here. Why you all the way over there?” He drags me by my forearms to the couch he’s on, tossing his hat to the one I abandoned. There’s an awkward couple of minutes of us arranging each other until finally, I’m sitting upright against the couch arm, and his head is in my lap, and I run my fingers through his wild dirty blond tresses. “I can be yours under those circumstances, Merc. What you did in the restroom in Calgary was pretty fucking hot. Do more like that.”