Page 23 of Heartbreak Hockey

“And we’ll work out a schedule for FaceTime calls. Miss one and we’ll cut your balls off,” Bethany added.

Maybe our resident nine-year-old shouldn’t talk like that, but she’s a Meyer and it’s like trying to stop the rain in Vancouver. “Deal,” I said, and God, writing this all down reminds me that I never want them to grow up. I want them to always be my sweet little girls.

Who will rip a man’s balls off if they’re mistreated just like they were taught.

Later, I attempted talking to Rachel and Dawson who were blasting music in the room they stay in when they’re at Bea and Trish’s. With Theo still glued to my torso, I tried the door without bothering to knock because fuck them and their teenage drama.

Locked.

I banged on the door. “Open this goddamned door right now or I’m canceling phone contracts.”

I’d never seen a door swing open so fast. Rachel was in her team sweatpants,Bantam Girls Hockeyprinted down one leg. I’m so proud of her for that. When I was a kid, there wasn’t a bantam hockey league for girls, but now there is, and she made the team.

“Please, we’d love for you to come in,” she said with all the sarcasm in the world. Yeah, I was damn proud of her, and I wanted to strangle her a little at the same time. Trials and tribulations of raising a teen.

I stepped over the threshold unafraid of teen drama. “Get out there and apologize to Dad right now.”

“He’s not our dad, Merc. You are. Also, fuck no,” Dawson said.

They touched my heart and continued to act like fucking jerks. It’s mostly their delivery because they have the emotional maturity of eggplants at this age, but they’re not wrong about Dad sometimes. He’s not responsible and that’s why we don’t like leaving anyone with him for too long unless we have to. He once left Rachel, Dawse, and Bryce home alone to have a “quick beer” with a buddy when they were way too young to be left home alone. Dawson nearly broke his leg.

But Rachel’s not right about this. Dad loves the fuck out of them even if he doesn’t show it in whatever way the internet group of the day they’ve been hanging around has dictated it should be shown. She’d spilled a clever twist of words though. The truth would come at a cost; one they could get angrier about.

“I’m not your dad. I’m your older brother. I know you’re upset about me leaving—”

“Is that what you think? That we’re upset about you leaving? No. We’ve talked about it, and we don’t care. Leave too. See if we fucking care. Everyone leaves. We’re fucking used to it.”

We’re—all nine of us—bonded by that trauma, being abandoned. Maybe now I’ll be able to afford the therapy for them that I couldn’t afford for myself. “I’m not leaving. I’ll be gone, but not gone. I’m still gonna call home every week, Rach. I’ll need to check up on the pair of you. Make sure you’re doing your homework and stuff.”

That got Rachel to soften a little. “That’s what Dads do, Merc, just sayin’. ‘Dad’,” she said using air quotes, “never checks to see if we’ve done our homework.”

“I know I’ve explained to you about different love languages.” Learned that from a book.

“How’s this for a love language?” Dawson said. “We don’t need you. Hope you have a nice fucking time in Kelowna.”

Okay, maybe we swear too much in this family. I can see that as I’m writing this, but it’s too late now and I’ve got more important things to invest my time into like making sure they stay out of prison and learning not to drink and drive.

I wasn’t getting through to them that night. They needed some time with it. The feeling I’ll abandon them for greener pastures is too real and I needed to prove I wouldn’t, but that’s not a one-sided venture. They need to trust that they’ll be okay even if something did happen to me.

Not a lesson learned in one day.

I got it but still wanted to knock their stubborn heads together. “No matter what we’re going through, we don’t treat others badly. You can come out and apologize to Dad for how you spoke to him and then Bea for throwing a fit at her table or you can stay in your room for the night.”

“Would be nice if we had a room to be grounded to, Merc. Try again.” Dawson said it, but it was clear he spoke for both of them.

Fine. Point them. Technically, they have a room at Dad’s, but our lives are too hectic for them to stay in any one place. Maybe … maybe with the money I make I could expand the house. That’s a new thought that’s just come to mind as I’m writing this. Huh. Maybe journaling can be good for something.

But … where was I? Right. I was irritated by their teenage moodiness. We have enough shit going on in our family and we’re not going to be jerks to each other too. “I’m disappointed in you both. We’ll talk again in a few days. Go to bed.”

Pretty sure Dawson flipped me off as I walked out of the room. I caught Rachel’s hushed, “You’re gonna pay for that if he sees you.”

To which Dawson replied, “Don’t fucking care, Rach.”

It was best to leave that landmine alone. He wanted my attention, but not the good kind and I wasn’t going there for this. Not that night anyway.

* * *

Things got harder. Theo wasn’t eating or sleeping. I’d already received a healthy advanced payment from my new job, so I quit the old one and nabbed Theo to stay with me, extending an open invitation for anyone else to come by.