Page 77 of Healing Conviction

She didn’t flinch at his dark humor. The first few times he’d done it, she’d sobbed for hours. But when she realized laughter was one of his only outlets, she sucked it up and smiled for the love of her life. Still, her husband knew her better than anyone.

“None of that sad face nonsense, my gal. The doctor said this time shouldn’t be as rough. We’ll have a little surgery here, a little chemo there, no big deal.”

He was right. The doctor had a much better feeling about this round than he had years ago. While the cancer had been extracted from his body, it’d never felt like it really left their home. For years, every day had been a question about whether the poison being used as medication was actually helping. When the oncologist gave them the all clear, the next year had still been a tentative celebration, always waiting for something bad to happen. And then it did.

“I’m glad you’re in good spirits. I think with the appointment so fresh in my mind, it’s hard to laugh about it for now.”

He nodded knowingly. “I know. Me too, but let’s sit a while and enjoy each other’s company.”

She smiled softly and settled down at the makeshift dining area in their bedroom. “That’s not much of a hardship.” When he smiled back, she decided to tease him again. “So tell me about this evil scheme, my dear.”

“Well, you see. I’ve noticed that my damsel has been in distress. I figured you’d like some cheering up and a little dinner date has always done the trick.”

Her heart cracked. Even after everything he’d been through, she was still number one on his mind.

“Frank, I—”

“No, listen. I know you’ve been under a lot of stress. I can tell.” He watched her as she ate a bite of mashed potatoes. “But it’s different this time. There’s something else going on. Isn’t there?”

She paused mid-bite, sure she was about to choke, even though the food was nowhere near her throat. Her face grew clammy, and she snatched a paper towel from the bedside table to spit her food into. Trying not to meet her husband’s eyes, she tossed the paper towel onto her plate and placed everything on the bedside table before drinking a sip of water. But as usual, he saw everything.

“Come here, my gal.” He moved his bed tray to the side and beckoned her with his hand. Her hand slid smoothly into his and they both pretended his weakened grip helped her rise from her chair.

She settled on top of him, careful not to hurt him. Even though he was still the picture of the sturdy man she knew, memories of him wasting away for months kept her from relaxing.

“Let me dry your tears.” Only his words and the rough paper towel he used to gently pat down her cheeks made her realize she’d been crying. The combination made all of her worries pour out and she squeezed him closer to take comfort in his embrace.

When her silent weeping finally dried up, they sat in silence for a little while longer. She knew she had to get up at some point, go into work, participate in a mess that she’d allowed to happen because she’d been too afraid of the consequences of cleaning it up when she’d had the chance.

“You can tell me anything, you know.” Frank rubbed her back as he spoke. She clutched him tighter, not even caring that she was ruining her suit.

“I know.” She nodded against his chest, ready for what he would surely say next.

“We can get through anything, you know.”

She huffed a laugh at their little mantra. “I know.”

“I love you, you know.”

A tear escaped down her cheek again. “I know.”

“Even if you’ve done something you’re not proud of.”

She paused at the deviation and lifted her head to whisper. “How did you know?”

His soft smile mended her heart. “I know you, Gail. You’re my gal. But I need you to trust me with what’s killing you. I can’t have you go before I do.”

That dark humor made her laugh this time. Funny how when it came to her darkness, she got the joke.

“I don’t want you to see me differently.”

He stroked down her spine and kissed her head. “Even if I saw you differently, it wouldn’t make me love you less.”

“You promise?”

She felt him nod without looking. “Promise. Even the worst things.”

His voice was calm, but strong with conviction, healing her broken soul after everything she’d done. Or hadn’t done.