Page 109 of Haze of Obedience

I wipe my cheeks. "Now, you're trying to make me cry harder."

"Sorry, my Little Diva. Can I see your arm?"

I hold it out to him. My fist still clenches the pill bottle.

He unwraps my arm and winces. "I have numbing cream."

"It's not in the kit."

"I have it in my pocket with the lemons and other items I got for you. I got some extra herbal stuff when you told me everything."

"You did?"

"Yeah." He removes it from the zippered pouch of his bag and gently applies it to my arm.

"That's..."

He stares at me and waits.

"Why aren't you taking these from me?" I hold up the pill bottle and move the conversation away from what I should tell him.

He traces my jaw with his thumb. "You don't need me to take those from you. You're strong enough to make that decision on your own."

You need to be stronger right now and stop taking the easy way out.

I clear my throat and force myself to be brave. "It's one of the things I love about you."

His eyes smolder with fire. "What is?"

I somehow find the courage to continue. "You do all sorts of nice things for me without me even asking. You think about things that I don't. I...I feel safe and taken care of by you."

"I'll take care of you for however long you let me." He blows on my arm but doesn't stop drilling his gaze into mine.

It hangs in the air. A suggestion that this could be more. We could be more.

"But you don't want me like that anymore...since I told you what happened to me," I blurt out. Heat singes my face.

There. I said it.

His eyes go dark. "Is that what you believe? I don't want you?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I'm confused."

He wraps my arm in a bandage, and when he finishes, he takes a deep breath.

The longer he doesn't talk, the more anxious I become.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

His eyes meet mine. "There's no one I've ever wanted the way I want you. I hate what you've gone through. What those bastards did to you..." He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, licks his lips, then opens his eyes. "I don't know what to say or do to help you heal. If I knew the correct solution, I would go to the ends of the Earth to find it. But I don't. And I hold myself back, all day long, trying to be a better man than anyone who's ever touched you, grappling with myself and questioning everything I do so I don't hurt you. Like this morning. I messed up. I knew it as soon as I did it. At that moment, all I thought was, I don't want to be that guy. The one who takes advantage of you and who you end up hating. So I'd give anything for a redo. All I want is a redo. I don't deserve one. I hurt you, and you've been dished out more than enough to last a lifetime. But don't ever question how much I want you. It's painful staying away from you."

I drop the pill bottle, straddle him, and cup his cheeks. "Then don't. I don't want you to. Take as many redos as you wish. You aren't like any man I've ever been with. You are better. Don't ever put yourself in the same box as any of them. And I don't want you to worry about if you should or shouldn't touch me. I...I just want you to claim me as yours and treat me as such."

His lips touch mine. "You want to be mine?"

"Desperately."

He kisses me, but it's only a teaser. "Just now or after this is over?"