Page 9 of Hate Wrecked

RILEY

“It’s not a far swim,” I said to the bodyguard as I stretched out by the pool, my little yellow bikini shifting as I moved, begging him to look my way.

Some things in life were undeniable truths the moment they appeared. Some things were slow truths, the kind that seeped into your bones and infected your black hearts.

There was one truth that would never leave my soul: Rowan Finn was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And he wasn’t supposed to be out behind my mother’s house with me, staring at the ocean, but he was.

The watching had grown bolder and, at times, more timid. I liked the way he volleyed between both. I liked him. And though we hadn’t had many chances, he sometimes stole away like this to find me. And I enjoyed talking to him even more than looking at him.

He walked closer to the pool, pushing his glasses off his face so I could see his eyes. I liked that. I hated when men hid behind their glasses and their creepy stares.

You never knew what they were looking at. It was deliberate.

I placed my book on my chest, waving a hand at him, pulling him from his daze. “Hi.”

Rowan smiled. “Sorry, hi. How are you?”

“Good. Are you on a break or?” I glanced toward the ocean, toward the cove. “Thinking about making a break for it?”

He laughed then, white teeth, wrinkles around his eyes. “No. Not thinking about making a break for it. What did you say? What isn’t far?”

I nodded toward the water, to one of the places I liked to hide. “The cove. It’s not a far swim.”

“Oh.” Rowan looked back at the house, then turned back, rubbing his neck.

I glanced back at the house. Two of the bodyguards Asa used were inside with him and my mother. And Rowan was outside with me. “Kicked out of the good ole boys club?” I asked.

He laughed. “Kind of. Big kid talk in there, and I’m not important enough to know.”

“I hardly think that’s true,” I mused. He was important to me. A bright light in a house full of drama and messiness.

Rowan laughed quietly, perhaps knowing what I was doing.

“Do you like working for Asa?” My stepfather was closer in age to me and Rowan than he was my mother. It made sense he had a young man as his bodyguard. Perhaps he figured he could lure Rowan into his partying ways.

I had been lured into them.

“He’s a good boss,” Rowan answered, taking a sip of his water.

“Do you think you’ll always work for him?” I wanted to know how long Rowan would be in my life or if this was just a stepping stone. It happened. Young men learned the ropes with one celebrity, training under a more experienced bodyguard, and then they moved on to bigger and better things.

I didn’t want Rowan to move on. I wanted him in our house as long as he would stay.

I was beginning to enjoy my visits with my mother less and less because she never focused on my sisters and me. They always centered around Asa. We weren’t the most important part of her life. We had been set aside. Replaced.

But Rowan made things brighter. Even if all I did was watch.

Rowan cleared his throat. “I don’t know. Right now, I’m just trying to learn as much as I can.”

“Is this what you always wanted to do?” What did young Rowan dream of in Scotland?

“Yes. My father was a bodyguard.”

“Did he retire? You said was ?”

Rowan looked toward the ocean, eyes squinting in the brutal sun. “No, he died.”

My stomach lurched, and I turned away from him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Rowan looked away from the ocean, walking closer to me, taking a seat on the lounge chair near me. “I was young.”

I placed a bookmark in my novel and set it on the ground, angling my body toward him. “How…when did…” I struggled with the question.

He saved me from my stuttering. “I was ten.”

“I’m sorry. You must miss him.” I went through the motions, saying what I needed to say. But deep down, I wanted to pull him close, cradle his head against my chest, and let him say anything he needed to.

“I do.” His jaw was tight, his voice like gravel.

I looked inside toward my mother. She was fading away before our eyes.

Losing herself to Asa and all his wild life inflicted on us.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with an older woman being with a younger man.

But he changed her in ways my sisters and I couldn’t keep up with.

Where was our confident mother? The movie star? The icon? Where did she go?

Losing her to him was a slow wound. I felt bruised all over internally, my emotions bubbling like lava. But to lose a parent completely? I couldn’t fathom it.

I couldn’t wait to get home to my father. To hug him close. Because Rowan couldn’t do that.

I had another question lodged in my throat, but I couldn’t let it out.

As if Rowan could sense it, or perhaps he just knew from experience the way this conversation went, he spoke again. “He was the body guard to a politician. He died protecting her. We left Scotland shortly after the accident.”

“To here? To LA? Is that where you went?”

“No. New York. My mother had family there. A sister. We lived with her for a bit before getting an apartment of our own.”

“City? Or state?”

“City.”

“There are less brutal places to start over,” I mused.

“It was less brutal than staying in the house he lived in,” Rowan replied, looking down at his hands.

I let the silence swell around us. Talking to Rowan was different than talking to the boys who chased me. I listened when he spoke; I devoured his profile, his jaw, and his hands when I was near him. My eyes were greedy for him. And my ears were desperate for his voice.

He was barely a man, not much older than me. But I felt like I could learn everything from him, alongside him, if only we were different people.

I knew I couldn’t get involved with our stepfather’s bodyguard.

My sisters saw the way I looked at him, and they warned me away.

So I tried desperately to heed their warning, to just flirt a little while keeping my distance.

They were so beautiful in their youth and wisdom.

I took care of them, and they took care of me.

And perhaps, they didn’t want me to make the same mistakes our mother did. I looked just like her. Maybe I could act just like her, too.

But God, I wanted him. I looked out to the shore again, my voice dreamy as I spoke. “It’s not a far swim.”

I reached out to touch his hand, slow and sure, before pulling away at the last minute as the door to the house opened.