Page 29 of Hate Wrecked

ROWAN

We lay on the hood of the car, the lights of LA below us.

The sight never dulled for me, but Riley wasn’t looking.

She was gazing up at the stars, or what you could see of them anyway.

Maybe that was why the lights of the city fascinated me: because the lights of the universe were often obscured by smog in that chaotic city.

“Do you like living here?” she asked, raising her hand and tracing something in the sky.

“Yeah. It’s alright. Not where I want to be forever, though.”

“Me either. When I was younger, and my mom wasn’t acting much, we lived on the East Coast. My family has roots there, and my mom and dad wanted to raise us away from all of this. We lived on 200 acres in Katonah, New York, and had a tutor. I miss it.”

“What happened to it?”

“It’s abandoned. My mother got it in the divorce since her family used to live there. I guess someone tends to it, but…I don’t know.”

“Have you ever wanted to visit there?”

“I think it would feel weird. The family we had there doesn’t exist anymore. It wouldn’t be the same.”

“I would love to see it. I bet it’s beautiful.” It sounded like the kind of place I’d love to live. To write and be at peace. To raise a family one day. But those were thoughts I never said out loud. Especially to a young girl mourning the loss of her old life.

“It is. But Asa would never let you go there. He plays nice with my father, but… he’s jealous. Which is dumb.”

“Why is it dumb?” I asked, glancing at her profile.

“Because my parents are done.”

“Do you wish they weren’t?”

She shifted on the hood of the car. “I don’t know.

In a fantasy world? Yes. But I know they weren’t happy together, or compatible.

They didn’t fight the way my mom and Asa do, but…

I don’t know. My mom was happy being away from all of this,” she waves her hand to Hollywood below, “but she also resented the roles and how they fell into place.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad got to keep his career. The way men always do when a family is started. My mother was away in the country raising us, and she loved it, but she missed making art. She missed acting. And now she isn’t even doing that, not on screen anyway.”

“When does he act?”

“With him,” she said, not elaborating.

I looked away, staring at the faint stars above. “With Asa.”

I didn’t hate my boss. But I didn’t exactly like him. And the more I talked to Riley, the more I observed the dynamic of the home, the more I judged him.

He didn’t seem committed to the whole marriage thing, and maybe he fell for the image of Riley’s mother. But what did I know about marriage? Except that sometimes one partner lied and had a double life—like my father.

“I’m sorry,” I offered, closing my eyes.

I hoped Riley never felt like she had to change herself for someone. I hoped she would find someone who saw all the beautiful things in her—the protector.

“It’s a good thing you’re…you,” Riley said, turning toward me.

I opened my eyes, turning to my side to face her. “What do you mean?”

“There was a bodyguard in the beginning. When he and my mom first started dating. I remember him. Young, close to Asa’s age.

He was close with Asa and his costars on the show he was doing at the time.

He fell in with them”—she hesitated, looking away—“with all the stuff back at the house. Then he hooked up with Asa’s co-star, and I think there was something there between them, because Asa fired him.

He always talks bad about him. It’s like he set him up for failure.

Or maybe he was just jealous, I don’t know. ”

“Because of who he hooked up with?”

“Yeah.”

I stored the information away. Wondering if it would be helpful later. Hoping I was wrong.

Riley reached out then, placing her palm over my knuckles. A simple act, but a line crossed, nonetheless. It would be the first of many. I didn’t pull away—the first of many opportunities I had to create boundaries between us.

“I’m sorry. I need to touch someone. Please don’t pull away,” she said, low, her dark eyes boring into me.

“Okay.” I sealed my fate right then and there. I would do anything to protect her. I would try to be a shield between her and her family when I could. In that moment, I didn’t care about my job, my reputation, or my heart. And it fucked me over.

But I didn’t know it then. So I moved my hand, turning it over, threading my fingers with hers.

“I want you to know that I’ll take care of you. I know I work for him, but I’m here. If you need me to be.” And when I said I ’ ll take care of you , I meant that every morning I went into my job my sole focus was on seeing her. Being near her. Wanting to see how she was and if she was okay.

I was in over my head. Fucked.

But I was holding her hand with clear eyes. No ill intentions in my heart. No aim to take advantage of her. If she pushed for more in that moment, I would pull away. I would set that boundary. I would be different than my father in actions if not in heart.

“Okay,” she said, her voice a whisper

“Okay?”

“Okay, Rowan Finn. I believe you. You can take care of me.”