Page 6 of Hate Wrecked

RILEY

You finally get to go.

My flight is departing soon, and I need to board. But it won’t leave me—Rowan’s words and his plan keep replaying in my mind—the way he can escape, find solitude. I don’t know what that is. My whole life has been about my parents’ fame, my sisters’ well-being, and my mistakes.

He’s probably already left. He’s probably gone, done with me and my mess, with the grey area of us. This morning was tense. Gone was the slight shift last night when we spoke in the bathroom. Gone was the softness. He let down his armor, and it was on again this morning.

I stare at the jetway and the slow-moving people as they board to their final destination. To the States—to reality. Maybe they don’t want to run away from their lives and likely would think I’m selfish and stupid to want to run away from my own.

I grip my carry-on, still, unmoving.

It doesn’t feel like my own body turning around. It doesn’t feel like my soul leaving my plans behind. I’ve been reckless and foolish, and everything in between. But when I have a flight, I catch it. When I have a meeting, I take it. When I have a deadline, I meet it.

I walk fast, my suitcase wheeling behind me, my purse bumping off my body as I leave the entrance of the jetway—the place I’m supposed to be.

I hurry through the airport, breathless and exhausted from my hangover. God, I ’ m so tired of being hungover.

As soon as I step out of the airport, I’m greeted by a rush of warm, humid air that smells of salt and palm trees.

I take a deep breath, feeling the breeze brush against my skin.

Rowan gets to stay in paradise, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

The peacefulness and tranquility of the island are a stark contrast to the noise and chatter of the airport I just left behind.

And he gets to sink even further into that peace when he steps foot on that atoll.

Rushing to the car park, I try to calm the beat of my heart. Please be there.

The black rental he dropped me off in sits on the edge of the car park still. And I want to cry out at his profile, so comforting. Rowan is staring ahead, hands on the wheel, as if he’s in a trance.

My movement catches his eyes and pulls him from wherever he was.

His blue eyes are wide. Worried. Always worried about me.

He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door, coming around the car just as I reach it, dropping my suitcase and purse. “I want to go with you,” I blurt out.

He stares at me, and I stare back. I won’t take it back, and I see the defeat on his face. “My last task was getting you on that flight,” he says, jaw tight, though his eyes tell a different story. “Nothing is going how I planned,” he mutters to himself.

“I know. And you got me here. I checked in. And you did all you could do. And now I want to do what I want to do. Not what my dad wants, or what my mother wants, or what’s best for my sisters.

I want to go with you. Take me with you to the atoll.

I need...I don’t know what I need, but I don’t want to go home right now. ”

Rowan crosses his arms, looking up, away from me. “Riley... I can’t keep taking care of you if you won’t care for yourself.”

I step forward, nodding in agreement. “I know. It’s time for me to take control of my own life and my well-being.

A fresh start, a reset, if you will,” I say.

“And I’m willing to give my mother’s book a chance.

I’ll read it with an open mind.” I don’t know if I’m being completely honest with myself, but I let Rowan hope.

There’s a strange feeling stirring inside me—a longing for my mother that has been dormant for years. I don’t know if it’s because of Rowan and how he makes me confront that she exists in his world, or if it’s something else entirely.

Whatever it is, I can’t ignore it any longer. Reading her book could be the first step toward something that can heal the dark hole in my heart.

“Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself and her,” he concedes, looking me in the eye.

His eyes are so blue, and his Scottish accent is more pronounced, sexier when he’s serious. God. I’ve missed him. He has to know.

I step forward again and reach out to him, placing my palm on his forearm.

He stills. “Riley, you can come with me. But this...this is…” he pauses, his Adam’s apple mesmerizing me. “You and I… This is just a vacation—a short vacation. Then we go back to our separate lives.”

The sting is sharp, and I want to recoil. But I stay still, pushing every hurt down. “Of course.” I let go of his arm, stepping back. I don’t want to be like my mother—running away and after a man the way she ran after Asa. I can’t be like her.

But you are.

Rowan clears his throat, walking around me to grab my bag. “I planned on stopping for lunch before going to the dock. Make sure you call your sisters and father to tell them you won’t be on the flight. I don’t want them thinking anything happened to you.

I nod, though I know I won’t. I’m tired of everyone knowing where I am. And besides, it’s not like anyone was picking me up from the airport. I planned to take a rental home.

If no one knows where I am, I can just exist for a change. I won’t have to take care of anyone or promise my father I’ll make up with my mother soon. And I can unravel, make promises to myself that maybe I’ll keep.

Sinking into the dream, I watch Rowan pack my belongings into the car, mesmerized by the slow roll of his shoulders, the color of his auburn hair.

When he’s done, I get into the car, and I’m no safer there.

His scent is everywhere, and that’s not good.

I need the open sea, the beach, anything to distract me from him.

As Rowan comes toward me, my eyes remain fixed on the horizon. I know I’ve hurt him in the past, and I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again. Despite the fear of rejection gnawing, I decide to keep my promise to be more truthful with him.

If given a chance, I’d never lie to him again.

I may not chase him, but I’ll relive us every time I close my eyes.

He’s a curse and a shield.

He’s mine when I close my eyes.

I’m his if he reaches out to touch me.

But I know he won’t.