Page 26 of Hastings (Brothers in Arms #15)
CHAPTER 26
S tephen sought Madelyn out first thing the next morning. But when he knocked on her bedroom door there was no answer.
“Madelyn?” he called softly. Again, there was no answer. With a frown he headed downstairs to the dining room. He was surprised to find Madelyn and Essie already at breakfast when he got there.
“Good morning,” he said cautiously. To his surprise Madelyn gave him a bright, welcoming smile.
“Good morning, Stephen,” she said, quite chipper. Stephen wasn’t sure what to make of her mood.
“Is it?” Essie said sharply, glaring at him.
“Yes?” Stephen replied. He slid into his seat, still cautious. “You are both up early today.”
“So are you.” Essie said it like an accusation.
“I have to go and check on a few parishioners today,” he explained. “I’m behind in my rounds. I need to bring some of the produce from the garden and I have some remedies from Mrs. Tulane and the apothecary to deliver.”
“How wonderful!” Madelyn said with what seemed like genuine delight. “Do you do that sort of thing often?”
“Yes. At least once a week, sometimes more. Although during the winter I haven’t as much produce to deliver. Just whatever we can spare from the storeroom. More often than not, I have woolens and blankets and scarves to give out then, from the ladies of the parish who work on them over the spring and summer.”
“That sounds delightful,” Madelyn said wistfully. “Everyone must be so happy to see your arrival. And you get to go visiting so often!”
“Would you like to come with me?” Stephen asked. It was the perfect way to get her alone to talk about what she’d seen last night, and he was enamored of the idea of Madelyn making his rounds with him, as if she was his wife. Just the thought gave him a thrill. It confused and excited him. He’d just been with Hastings last night and here he was this morning longing for Madelyn’s company. Bouncing back and forth between the two was making him dizzy. He didn’t want to examine it too closely. For now, he was just going to enjoy all these new and exciting feelings.
“Oh, yes,” Madelyn said, her face aglow.
“No,” Essie said at the same time in a firm voice. “It’s bad enough we’ve had people from all over coming to visit and gawk at us. She doesn’t need to go parading around the neighborhood with the eligible parson, advertising her presence here.”
“Oh,” Madelyn said, visibly deflating. “Essie’s right. It isn’t safe.”
“I’m sure the neighborhood is safe,” Stephen argued.
“You don’t know that,” Essie argued right back. “And you can’t guarantee that something someone says about her isn’t going to reach someone who ought not to know.”
It was Stephen’s turn to sigh in defeat. “No. I can’t guarantee that.”
Madelyn put her hand over his on the table. “Don’t worry, Stephen. I’ll be all right here. And tonight we are to dine with the Westridges.”
“You can come with me some other time,” he promised. “After this is all over.”
She smiled wistfully. “Of course I can.”
He could tell by the way she said it that she didn’t believe it. At that moment he vowed to make it happen. She may not yet believe she belonged here, but Stephen believed it and was determined to make it a reality.
After breakfast, Stephen left and Essie went to check for any messages from Sir Barnabas and to “scout the area some more,” whatever that meant. Maddy was relatively sure it hadn’t changed since the last time she’d done it.
Maddy wandered upstairs with a book, planning to hide in her room. She wasn’t ashamed to admit it. She’d put on a brave face with Stephen this morning, but she didn’t think she could fool Hastings. She was glad he hadn’t appeared at breakfast. She was devastated about what she’d witnessed last night. Whatever was between Stephen and Hastings wasn’t merely a flirtation, or a simple case of physical attraction. She’d seen the way they’d looked at each other, the way they kissed. Whatever it was that Stephen felt for her, it could never compete with what she’d seen last night. And no wonder, given who she was and the circumstances that had brought her here. What had she been thinking, to ride out with Stephen today? This place and her confusing feelings for him and Hastings were making her foolish.
Seeing them together had destroyed her hopes, but at the same time it had been thrilling and arousing to watch the two men love one another. Maddy had known of it, had heard talk of men being together that way, of course. But they were both so attractive, so desirable, and to see them like that, half naked and enjoying each other physically, had made Maddy ache with longing. She couldn’t think of anything better than being held and loved like that by those two men, each extraordinary in their own way.
When she was outside Hastings’s door she looked over and froze. The door was open, and Hastings was standing there in his shirt and breeches. Their eyes met and they stood looking at one another for a moment before Hastings turned away, grabbed a brush from his washstand and began to brush his hair. Maddy was fascinated by his dark, wavy hair the same way she was with Stephen’s freckles. She wanted to be the one to brush it; to run her fingers through it. She sidled over and leaned on the doorframe, openly staring.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said.
“For staring?” he asked, setting the brush down. “I don’t blame you. You got quite a look last night.” He turned and leaned back against the dresser crossing his arms.
“That’s what I’m sorry about. Last night.” She clutched the book to her chest defensively. “I didn’t mean to intrude.”
“No?” he asked. His eyes saw too much as far as Maddy was concerned. He looked as if he could see right down into her soul sometimes.
“No,” she affirmed. “If I had known that you and Stephen were—” She stopped abruptly. “What I mean to say is that I would not have disturbed you.”
“If you had known that Stephen and I were what?” Hastings asked.
“Indecent,” she answered primly, blushing. Her reluctance to say exactly what it was, and her embarrassment, were foreign to her. She’d always spoken plainly. But to put it in words seemed to demean it somehow.
Hastings stood straight and took a step toward her. “Indecent? Is that what you think? That we were indecent?”
“No,” she said softly. “I don’t.”
“What did you think?” he walked closer while he was saying it, until he stood next to her.
She just shook her head, too embarrassed to put into words what she’d thought when she’d seen them. Hastings leaned one arm on the doorframe over her head and she was surrounded by the rich, dark smell of him. “Did you want to be me?” He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Did you want to have Stephen like that?”
“You know I do,” she said with false bravado. Why did Hastings reduce her to this? She’d taken on bigger men, men much more frightening than him. And yet with him she wanted to surrender. She shook off the lethargy assailing her. “But obviously it will never happen,” she added firmly. “Now that you two are…together, I won’t pursue it.”
“Oh, I think you should,” Hastings said quietly. He hadn’t backed away from her. She was caged by his arm, his body, his scent, the heat of him. “I think he’s half in love with you already.” He gently kissed her temple and her heartbeat quickened. “Can’t say I blame him.”
She sighed in frustration. “I know you have feelings for him,” she argued. “Why would you say something like that? I know you don’t trust me. You’ve said as much. And you don’t seem to like me that much, either.”
“Don’t I?” he asked, easing back a little to look down at her. “I liked you plenty when I kissed you the other day.”
“That?” She dismissed with a look. “That’s nothing. Men kiss girls all the time and they don’t mean a thing by it. You said so at the time. ‘I didn’t mean anything by it.’ That’s what you said.”
“People are always throwing my words back at me,” he said. “As if I’m supposed to remember everything I’ve ever said. And if the truth be known, I don’t think you trust me, either.”
She looked away, debating whether she trusted him or not. She was surprised to find that she did. And it wasn’t just because Stephen obviously trusted him. “His name is Harold Pinter. Lord Harold Pinter.” She looked back at him and he seemed confused.
“Who is Lord Harold Pinter?” he asked.
“The man who also wants me killed. Besides my father, I mean. He has a position in the Colonial Office.”
Understanding dawned in Hastings’s eyes. “Why does he want to kill you?”
“Because I know he had Bleecker kill someone for him. Someone he needed to get out of the way so he could get his position. Unfortunately for him, it also meant Bleecker now owns him. They cut a deal, and he secretly trades goods meant for the colonies to my father. For a price, of course. He…courted me, for lack of a better term, while they were arranging things. And because I acted the stupid, docile criminal’s daughter, they talked freely around me. From Pinter, I learned the names of other men who have similar deals with my father.”
Hastings tapped her temple. “You do know an awful lot, don’t you?” he whispered. “And why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I do trust you,” she told him honestly. “I think I always have. With my life.”