Page 22 of Habibi: Always and Forever

LET LOVE BE LOVE

BENNY

“L ee?” I call out, the sound swallowed by the slam of the door behind me.

Hurriedly, I kick off my trainers in the hall, not bothering to put them on the little brown shoe rack in my haste to find Lee.

I rush through the door on my left into the sparsely furnished living room with the big bay window that’s still waiting on curtains, and narrowly miss one of the old brown chairs with my toe.

We’d picked them up at a YMCA shop last week.

Cursing it like it purposely stood in my way, I continue through the door to the kitchen, only to find that empty too.

Where the hell is he? My heart wants to join the panic creeping into my mind.

Pulling out my phone, I see that my last two worried messages to him are still unread. His original text glares at me: Emergency, hurry home!

Home.

The word brings me so much comfort. It might only be two weeks since we moved in, but to walk through the door at the end of my shift, knowing I can close the door to the world behind me… Being able to relax and spend time with Lee in the privacy of these four, yet-to-be-painted walls is heaven.

Furniture and paint will come with time, but this little place is already filled with our laughter and love for each other. ‘ Soulmates ,’ Lee called us last week. And it’s true. Two souls that came together thanks to my sister’s meddling.

I couldn’t be happier.

“Lee? You up there?” I call out, the slight wobble in my voice betraying my worry as I make my way back through the hall to the stairs.

Still no reply.

The stairs, old and well-used, let out a chorus of creaks as I climb them two at a time. A ‘ shit ’ along with a thud cut through the silence just as I reach the top step. Despite his use of profanity, my heart instantly calms at the sound of his voice. He’s here. He’s safe.

“Lee, why’s the door closed?” I ask tentatively, knocking and listening for a response. Now that we live alone, we don’t close doors anymore. There’s never enough time in the rush to shed one another of clothes, in our ‘ we must consume each other right this second’ haste .

“Can I come in?” My fingers wrap around the handle, ready to push down.

“Just a sec,” comes his muffled reply.

As I stand there waiting, my reflection looks back at me from the long mirror hanging on the wall beside the bathroom door.

Messy blond curls greet me, along with my uniform, a red polo shirt, complete with pizza sauce stain, and black trousers.

Another long shift at Pizza Palace has me smelling like oregano and sweat.

A quick whiff of my underarms confirms that I urgently need a shower.

“Okay, ready now. You can come in,” Lee yells from the other side of the door.

Slowly turning the handle and pushing the door open, I’m greeted with dim lighting.

The beige curtains block out the last of the evening light; there’s just the flickering from Lee’s evening candles.

The sweet smell of coconut drifts towards me.

He’s washed in my favourite shampoo again.

Looking down, white petals dot the dark wooden floor, and my eyes follow the trail towards the side of our bed that sits in the corner of the room.

The bed, which took an hour to get up the stairs, still bears the memories of our laughter and kisses during our struggle.

My gaze lands on his baby-pink toes, and a jolt of arousal runs through me as my eyes continue along his slim, bare legs.

My heart rate picks up, the familiar thump-thump rhythm anytime I look at Lee.

My eyes continue their journey upwards to the pink material sitting on his hips. Fuck.

Unable to wait a second longer, my eyes meet his, and my mouth waters. Somehow, Lee projects an image of innocence while simultaneously appearing sexy as hell.

“Wow, babe, you look fucking gorgeous. And is that… a thong ?

Lee leans against the wall, where there’s still no headboard, propped up by our navy-blue pillows, his creamy skin a stark contrast to the bedding beneath him.

Lee’s posture, a slightly bent leg, and hands casually placed on the cover, combined with his glossy lips, make him look like a model posing for a magazine.

But this display was just for me, and I was a lucky son of a bitch.

I always joke that he looks like a K-pop star with his Korean heritage, but today he looks like a million dollars.

My cock is thoroughly enjoying the view, and all the blood rushes to its intended target area.

“Happy three-month anniversary, Benny,” he announces, voice filled with love. “Is this okay?” The way he gestures at his body with a wave of his hand, his usual MO when he’s worried.

“Okay?” I stammer, struggling to shift the growing bulge in my restrictive trousers. “It’s more than okay.”

He sighs softly. “Good, because I wasn’t sure…”

Cutting him off, fondness in my voice, I stride towards the bed. “Have you forgotten what I said?”

Looking down, he picks at the polish on his nail, a nervous habit. “No, I haven’t forgotten,” he replies timidly.

“Good.” With my focus entirely on him, I coax, “Tell me.”

He doesn’t look up, but replies, “That I can be whoever I want to be.”

Gently, I ask, “What else?”

“That I can wear whatever I want, and you’ll always love and support me.”

I wish he could see himself as I see him: a gorgeous man with a compassionate heart, who I hope one day will say ‘ screw you ’ to the world for judging his more feminine qualities.

Climbing onto the bed and swinging my legs over his, I hold him still.

“Look at me.” The moment stretches, but I’m patient with him.

Eventually, dark eyes slowly meet mine. “I’ll always love you, Lee, even if the entire world disagrees.

You are beautiful, whether you’re bundled up in a hoodie or showing a bit of skin in a crop top.

If you want to wear lip gloss and nail polish because it makes you feel good, then you fucking do that.

I will love you through every style, through every changing season. You hear me?”

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, arms instinctively reaching for me as I steady myself above him. “You know I can’t help but worry.”

I do know.

It breaks my heart to see him grapple with his anxiety, the brightness in his eyes fading as his thoughts consume him.

I’d like to believe that my consistent reassurance and support are making him improve, little by little.

I’ll tell him over and over that he’s perfect and that our home is his safe haven.

I’ll spend the rest of my life pouring all my love into him.

“I love you too, Benny.”

The tension melts away as I exhale, smiling. “Kiss?”

He nods, his glossy, peach-smelling lips finding mine, and our tongues twist in a frenzied dance, as if we’re dying of thirst and need each other to survive. One thing I adore about Lee are his kisses, which are passionate and unrestrained.

Breathless, I pull away, my heart pounding. “Babe, I need to take these off before I explode!” I say, gesturing at my obvious hardness.

Lee chuckles and reaches for my erection, his fingers brushing against my very sensitive bulge. “Is this for me?”

“It’s always for you,” I grit, planting a kiss on his forehead. I give him a playful wink as he bites his bottom lip, hopping off him to relieve myself of my clothes. His eyes are on me as I undo my belt buckle, then my zip. Slowly, I let the trousers drop, and my boxers go next.

I love seeing the rose colour spread across his chest as he looks at me. He’s still a little shy but doesn’t avert his eyes from my nearly naked body, and I love the way I affect him.

Raising my arms to take off my shirt, I realise I don’t exactly smell great. Lee has gone to all this effort, and all I’m offering him is a sweaty body. “Maybe I should take a shower first, babe. I stink to high heaven.”

He bolts upright and shouts, “No! Um, please don’t shower; I like the way you smell when you’ve been working all day. It’s… sexy.”

Upon receiving this piece of information, I lift an eyebrow and tease, “Oh, you do, do you?”

Lee nods slowly, sucking on that bottom lip. I swear, he’s going to be the death of me!

“I guess I’ll just have to shower later, then.”

Reaching for the hem of my shirt again, Lee suddenly blurts. “I’m ready.”

My feet squeak on the floor as I scramble to pull my shirt back down. “Ready?” I repeat, confused, tilting my head to one side, trying to understand.

“Yeah, you know… for sex,” he whispers as if we’re in a crowded room, not just us alone in our home.

“I’m ready, Benny,” he breathes, eyes locked on mine.

“I want this with you; I want to feel you inside me. I know we’ve been waiting, but I don’t want to wait anymore.

” His cheeks colour, but he never breaks eye contact with me.

“It’s our three-month anniversary, and I was hoping we could celebrate. ”

I’ve dreamt of this day. The number of times over the years I’ve woken up hard and aching from visions of us together, and now he’s saying the words out loud. He wants me.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to.” The sadness in his voice reaches my ears.

“No, I mean, yes,” I blurt. Shit, I’m fucking this up.

Taking a breath, I start again. “I’m not saying I don’t want you, Lee, I do, I really do.

But are you absolutely sure about this?” I make my way over to the bed, reaching out to clasp his hand.

“There’s no rush. I told you I’d love you even if we never have penetrative sex. ”

Lee’s hand squeezes mine as he pushes himself up to his knees and moves closer to me.

“I promise,” he whispers the words as if they’re a sacred vow.

“I want this. I want you . I’ve… even got myself ready.

” His voice trails off, and he averts his gaze, seemingly embarrassed, but I only offer him love.