Page 73 of Guided by the Stars (Creating Destiny #1)

He grabs me then and pulls me to his chest. “Don’t you know?

You are the fire in my darkness,” he says into my hair.

“This world and everything in it could perish, and it wouldn’t affect me.

I’ve never allowed myself to feel anything but anger and hatred.

The life I’ve lived, it’s so easy to close myself off.

It helps to keep me alive. But from the moment I laid eyes on you, I fought myself because I knew you would be my undoing, and you are.

Haven’t you realized yet that I’m a selfish creature?

So yes, I am selfish enough to ask you to stay here with me.

” He pulls away and puts his hands on my face and tilts my head up to look into his eyes.

I can see he is breaking and that is tearing at me.

How do I walk away from this? I cling to him tighter, not wanting to let him go.

How do I just step away from the one guy I allowed in?

He snatched me, sure, but in the time I have been here, I’ve seen past all those walls and fronts he puts up to deter me and knowing why he did it, I understood.

But I know I can’t stay. I have to go back to Nora, back to Earth.

I’m not ready to die, especially after being here for what felt like an eternity.

I know I don’t want to be in this place.

Never getting to see colors again, or to eat in peace without some sinister meaning behind it, or see the sunlight.

I have always enjoyed sunsets. Nora loves the sunrise, and in my time here I have missed the times she wakes me up for coffee and just to sit and watch the sunrise.

My eyes sting so bad because I miss her so much, and Kai said he made sure they will help Nora, which makes this so much harder.

I know that last night I was ready to accept defeat.

I was ready to just lay down and do whatever to save Nora from this, to save my soul and body from the torment that I saw and the nightmares I endured.

I part my lips and Kai is watching my mouth like a hawk.

I lick my lips and bite the bottom one. I know this is about to break me just as much as him. “Kai,” I say.

“But I know you won’t stay,” his voice breaks and he reaches down and kisses me with so much passion it ignites a fire in my heart and I feel it breaking into millions of pieces.

He is asking because we both know he can’t leave.

Zeus and Hades are what keep him bound here.

He’s scared for my life, and Jax has a way around it.

He steps away and looks out towards where Cerberus is and then he speaks, “You’re stronger than I am, which is why I asked you here at this spot, because I know what Nora means to you.

It’s funny, isn’t it, that just on the other side of that river our journey started.

Now this is where we end, but it’s also where your life gets to begin again.

” He takes my hand and walks me over to Jax.

“I know I’m not worth giving up your life to stay here, but I needed to ask you so you’d know in your heart and in your soul that I asked and what that means. ”

I open my mouth to say something and he touches my lips with his finger to stop me from responding.

He points at the helmet Jax has in his hands.

“This will help you go unnoticed and get you past Charon, he will think he’s just taking Jax across.

” He turns to Jax. “I am trusting you to help her and Nora. Keep her safe and,” he steps closer to Jax and puts his arms around him and Jax hugs him back, “about the information last night, I’m sorry I came off that way.

My emotions are everywhere, which is saying a lot coming from me.

You’re the only family I have to watch over her.

” They clap each other’s back and step away .

“I promised you last night, I will keep her and Nora safe. You’re my family, too. Take care of yourself, brother,” Jax says.

Jax walks back over to me, and he has the helmet in his hands.

Kai takes my face in his hands again. He leans down and kisses the hollow of my neck where my necklace sits.

He trails warm kisses up my neck to my earlobe, taking a moment to smell me.

I know I’m doing the same. I have a fistful of his shirt in my hand, breathing him in deeply, memorizing the way he smells.

My heart is pounding so fast it feels like it’s breaking, my breathing is coming out ragged.

The one person I allowed in to show me there could be something beyond meaningless sex, someone to have actual conversations with, and I am walking away from him.

Then his mouth is on mine. His tongue is asking permission to enter.

I part my lips, granting him permission.

His tongue crashes into mine and he takes control.

I almost do it, I almost say I will stay, almost allow this kiss to change my mind, but Nora flashes through my head and I know I need to get to her.

I have to make sure she is alright. She is my family, the only person I have that is worth something, the only one who stuck beside me with all the bad shit that has happened.

Not once has she turned me away. I pull away from his kiss.

Tears are leaking from my eyes and they hit my cheeks. Kai kisses my tears away.

I take a deep breath and reach up behind my neck to unclasp my moon necklace.

I grab his hand and place the necklace in it.

I touch his face, this is my goodbye to Kai.

“This is so you never forget me. My necklace means alot to me, along with the phone I lost, but I want you to keep the necklace. Maybe someday you will smell it and remember the red-headed, blue eyed girl who you kidnapped and our short-lived story will come rushing to your mind.” He smiles and shakes his head, though his eyes sparkle.

“Thank you, this has just become my most cherished possession.” He brings my hand up and kisses my fingertips where our hands intertwine.

We both know this is goodbye. Staying has so many ramifications that we don’t know yet.

So we do what we know we have to do. We pull up our big boy boxer briefs and say goodbye.

We are from two different worlds and Hades has him bound to this world. I smile with no real joy in it.

I take my hand and place it on his face.

“Goodbye, my Skoteino.” It is what he called me after our first time together.

I practiced how to say it over and over until I could pronounce it correctly.

The look in his eyes is pure pain and heartbreak, and he touches the back of my hand as he pulls it from his face and brings it to his lips, kissing my fingertips.

“Will I ever see you again?” I ask. I must be a sucker for heartbreak, but I also want to know if there is any hope.

He pulls me then, hurrying us to a running stream.

“This water is the same water that makes up Styx, the river you crossed.”

I shake my head. “Ok,” I say, because I don’t want to be rude.

“Ask me again,” he says, looking me in my eyes so intently.

“Will I ever see you again?” I ask.

“I swear upon the Styx, I will find my way back to you.” A chill goes through my body, but not in a bad way. It is like the goosebumps you get when you know you’re going down a rollercoaster and it’s going so fast and you don’t know if something bad will happen.

“What was that?” I look at him because I’m wondering if only I felt it .

“I forget that you don’t know this universe you’re a part of, but you’ll see.

What is it you humans say? Google it. Remember to always wear what Jax gives you.

It’s also a part of me, just as this necklace will always stay on me.

” He smiles, then he walks me back over to Jax, who places the helmet in my hand.

I pull my hand back and walk away before tears slip out.

I don’t want that to be the last thing he sees of me.

Jax has fallen into step beside me and I notice Cerberus is asleep.

I quickly put the helmet on and I don’t even know if Kai or Jax have the power to see me or feel me.

But I don’t look back all the same as I keep my head up and move forward.

There is Cerberus, snoring and drooling everywhere.

I know now that Kai has always controlled him the same way he did the hellhounds.

Once we arrive at the gates and I see Charon’s boat, I take a huge gulp of air and force myself not to turn around.

I want to run back and tell him I choose him and that we will be happy together.

I can feel his eyes burning into my back, but I am afraid it is my imagination and what happens if I turn and he isn’t there, or worse, what if he is still there, watching me?

I know I will have no comfort here, any word or comfort from Jax will give me away.

So I stand there, looking ahead, because I can’t change my decision.

I wish it was Kai with me, but I know that in order for me to get away he stole the helmet and Hades will know it is missing.

He is buying us time to get out of here and to reach Nora safely.

Stepping onto the boat, I don’t look back, I keep my face forward and I allow the tears to come because my heart is breaking.

It’s being replaced by something which is dark and cold.

I am losing a part of me and I am going crazy because I know that without Kai I am lost to this never-ending night and I don’t know if I will find my way out of it .

Would I endure the torture from Hades if it meant Kai and I could leave?

Would I spend a month in Tartarus being tortured and watching those horrors over and over?

The answer is yes, I would, because Kai means that much to me.

But I wasn’t given those options. This was a plan set in motion without me, and I have to accept it.

I wipe the tears from my face as the boat moves along the river Styx.

I turn my head to the side, not enough to allow me to look back, but enough to whisper, “Goodbye, Kai. My dark prince.” I have a feeling deep in my bones that I won’t be seeing him again.

I hope and pray to all the gods and goddesses that it isn’t true, but when have things ever gone my way?