Page 39

CHAPTER 39

Henry

I stood in line with my sister, indecisive over what I was going to order for lunch.

It’d been nearly three days since I had gotten back from Brideshead. Three days, and a hundred unsent, deleted texts I couldn’t find the courage to send.

I’d done everything I could, focusing on work, watching movies, I’d even started running on the outdoor trail with some of the other tenants from my building.

Nothing would erase Grayson Sanderson from my mind.

Which was probably why I leapt at the chance to grab something to eat with my sister. Even if only for an hour or two, I could focus on something that wasn’t my royal fuckup of the century.

The first man to come along since my ex, and I’d completely ruined everything because of...

Well, because I couldn’t fathom how anyone would want me, when I wasn’t good enough for him.

I’d been so excited when he proposed, all those years ago.

At the idea of forever.

I thought our love was the things dreams were made of.

But I knew then, standing there in the cafe, that it was all me.

I saw what I wanted to see. I saw a young, attractive man who was friendly enough in public, but who always had to “work late” or attend some function I wasn’t invited to.

I never saw the signs he was cheating, because I truly believed he loved me.

Because I loved him.

Or rather, I loved the idea of him. A fiancé, a husband. Maybe even a father. And all those dreams fell apart the minute the truth was revealed. He never wanted me. He never really wanted to get married, he told me that night. He was doing it because it was just what was expected when you’d been with someone a while, and I seemed like a nice enough guy.

I’d closed myself off after that, because I didn’t want to be someone’s number two option. But in doing so, I became so closed off that I didn’t even consider the possibility that I could be someone else’s number one priority.

Like I said, I have the worst fucking luck.

“What are you getting?” Mia asked.

“Probably the same thing I always get,” I said as we moved up in line.

That’s when it clicked.

I looked at the menu, remembering the day Grayson and I met up—so I could give him back his wallet, of all things. Because he’d left it at my house.

He’d teased me for keeping my order simple, and then nonchalantly shoved a cinnamon roll at me.

Offering me more than just a dessert.

He was offering me a chance to try something new. A chance to break the same cycle, the same rut I’d been stuck in.

Big changes, start with small ones.

A lost wallet.

A cinnamon roll.

A horseback ride.

A kiss.

I looked at the menu differently after that.

“You know what, I think I’m going to change it up this time,” I said. “I’ll have the caprese wrap. And a cinnamon roll. With a cafe mocha, please.”

Mia shrugged. “I didn’t think you liked cinnamon rolls. You always said they were too sweet.”

A soft smile tugged at my lips. “People can change you know,” I said, feeling the weight of my words, as I thought about all the ways I had changed, just in these last few weeks.

With Grayson.

We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, he had said.

Granted, when he said it I knew he meant sexually, but I realized at that moment as I placed my order, that his words went beyond the physical attraction we shared.

This dynamic, bold, commanding man who was a natural born leader was more willing to defer when it came to me.

That depends, will you let me lead?

His words reverberated in my brain.

I’d never once considered that I was topping from the bottom, but I realized I was.

I pushed and pulled at Grayson, unsure of my footing, of my feelings. But nothing in life was certain.

Nothing except the moment we had in front of us.

And all that truly mattered was how we spent those moments. I’d spent them worrying, talking myself in circles and telling myself I wasn’t enough for Grayson, instead of allowing myself the pure joy and happiness I felt when I was with Grayson to rule me and my heart.

“Have you heard from Grayson at all?” Mia asked as she finished her order, walking over to the counter with me.

I shook my head, all the truth converging on me at once. I needed to fix this. I needed to apologize, and I needed to make things right.

Because I didn’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. I wanted things to be different.

I deserved the chance to love again. I deserved happily ever after.

“No, I, uh... I think I fucked up, Mia,” I said, grabbing my tray.

Mia blinked at me in confusion. “What? What do you mean?”

“I’ve been a fucking asshole to Grayson...”

Mia’s gaze softened as she said, “Ahhhhh.”

“Fuck,” I cursed.

Mia blinked again. “You don’t usually curse,” she said as we took our seats.

“I know,” I said, taking a sip of my mocha latte. I’d never had one before, but it tasted pretty good.

New things.

New experiences.

New is not a bad thing.

“I just don’t know how I’m going to fix it, but I need to.”

“Just call him.” She shrugged. “You think too much,” she nipped.

“What if... what if I call him and he wants nothing to do with me? What if I blew it?” I asked, biting my lip.

Mia popped a tater tot in her mouth. “What if you haven’t? What if your prince charming is waiting for you to come to your senses?” she said with a grin. A shit-eating grin.

“You know something I don’t, Mia?” I asked, narrowing my gaze at her.

Mia puckered her lips, her grin mischievous. “Only thing I know is Grayson leaves work in about an hour. He should be home by five o’clock.”

“And how do you know that?” I asked, a plan already forming in my brain.

“That’s not important,” she said, plopping another tater tot in her mouth as I slid my phone out of my pocket.

My fingers hovered over the letters of my keyboard nervously. I pushed the nerves down though, knowing they’d always be there. Until maybe, one day they wouldn’t be.

New things, Henry.

New things equal new results.

Are you free tonight to meet up for some coffee?

I sent the text, letting out a deep breath as I did so. I expected to wait a while, after all it had been days since I heard from him.

But he messaged me back almost instantly.

Absolutely.