Page 33

CHAPTER 33

Henry

I watched Grayson leave the billiards, feeling like a complete and utter failure of a human being.

All day I’d ransacked my brain, trying to find even a shred of memory of what had happened between us, but there was nothing. I hadn’t truly blacked out from drinking since my freshman year of college, in which my sister had to take my ass home.

And after that, I swore I’d never get black out drunk again, knowing the position I put myself in.

But I’d had a good time, up until my memory faded to black. The things I could remember—singing karaoke with Mia, Julie, and Grayson, sucking Grayson off underneath the underpass, tasting all the wine, dancing with my sister—I had meant what I said to Mia. I couldn’t remember the last time I had so much fun.

I hated that I couldn’t remember what had happened between us.

Casual sex wasn’t something I did.

But I knew, despite having no memory of it, that was exactly what happened.

We fucked.

There was a sliver of a chance that we might have just passed out, but I could remember making out with Grayson, among other things, so the leap was only logical.

And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to be fucked by Grayson. Or that I didn’t think about fucking him. Which was certainly a new development for me, being as I’d never topped anyone before.

But it wasn’t the ninety-nine point nine chance we had sex that bothered me. What bothered me was that I had been careless with my heart, and with Grayson’s.

I wanted to take my time with Grayson. I wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to break my heart like my ex. I needed to trust him. I needed to know with absolute certainty that Grayson didn’t just see me as a fun weekend, and was going to discard me the minute we got home. I needed to know Grayson saw me as more than just the younger brother of his sister’s bestie, and I also didn’t want things to be awkward after this weekend, with the wedding on the horizon and any other events I might see him at. After all, this weekend wouldn’t last forever.

What was going to happen when we arrived home and went back to reality?

Would Grayson still want to be with me without all the romance and sophistication surrounding us?

When the reality wasn’t all glamping tents and waterfall hikes and expensive wine?

I wanted more than anything to tune out the anxiety, the panic, and the negative thoughts that threatened to sour the best weekend I’d had in a long time. But I couldn’t get my head out of my ass, and because of that, I watched Grayson leave, and I did nothing.

Mia nudged me from my internal prison. “Your turn,” she said, her gaze soft, understanding.

I grabbed my stick, lining up my shot as I sucked in a deep breath.

Some things in life were simple. Like playing pool. The rules were understood, and there was a clear indication of what to expect when you played the game. I wished life was like that. Easy to understand, easy to play.

Instead, it was messy and chaotic. It was scary and thrilling, and beautiful and ugly all at once.

Crack!

The clacking of the balls sounded together as they dispersed, the eight ball going right in the corner pocket like I had hoped.

Giselle whistled in approval as Riley and Aaron high-fived one another.

“Damn, Henry, I wish my brother were here to see that. He’s the best player when it comes to the game. I bet you could give him a run for his money.”

Giselle said with a smile.

“I’d love to see that,” Aaron said with a laugh. “Someone putting Gray in his place for once.”

My blood chilled, my face expressionless at the casual mention of the object of all my desires.

Their words only made me feel worse.

Giselle took her spot, as Riley reset the rack. Mia settled beside me.

“Did something happen? Between you two?” she asked gently.

“Oh something happened,” I murmured. “But, neither of us can really remember what. ”

Mia’s eyes widened, her mouth forming an ‘o’. “And that is a bad thing?” she asked cautiously.

I felt my shoulders loosen with defeat.

“I just... I don’t want to be some casual... fling, Mia. I—” I ran my hand through my hair, feeling the heat of my skin as my words spilled out of me relentlessly. I was powerless to stop them.

“You like him,” she said, her voice solid, matter of fact. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah, I do,” I whispered, my voice shaky.

“So then tell him,” she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I sighed.

“I can’t.” I admitted.

“Why not? That man was pining after you all fucking day, and you can’t even see it, can you?” She huffed.

“What?”

“You are so thick sometimes, Henry. Not everyone is a liar and a cheat like—”

“I know that, Mia,” I snapped.

“Do you? Because it looks to me like you’re living in the past with a ghost instead of living in the moment with someone who is obviously crazy about you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I sighed, fidgeting with my stick. “I fucked everything up, anyway.”

“Then fix it,” she said, as Julie called her to take her turn.

I watched my sister line up her shot, her gaze flashing at me before she struck.

The balls scattered across the green in all directions, and hers slowly crawled to a stop, in the middle.

I passed my stick off to Riley, not wasting another moment. “I’ll be back,” I said, leaving it at that as I trotted off in the direction Grayson had disappeared.

Anxiety still flooded me, but now it was met with something else.

Hope.

I’d been so focused on the fact I’d messed everything up, I hadn’t even given a thought that maybe I could fix it. Apologize for my dumb behavior. Tell him I liked him.

Maybe even... loved him.

I stopped dead in my tracks as I set my gaze on him. He was standing up from a table, where he was with someone and they looked pretty chummy. The man moved to hug Grayson, wrapping his arms around him. Grayson wrapped his arms around the man, and then... and then he kissed him.

My heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight.

“Fucking knew it,” I said, turning around on my heel, only to hear Grayson call out my name.

Tears prickled my eyes as I headed toward the exit, toward the transport concierge.

“Henry, wait,” he called.

I held my sob in the entire ride back to the glamping tent, my fist balled as I felt like crumbling. Just as we arrived, the rain started to pour, and I ran from the transport to the front step as fast as I could to avoid getting soaked.

I threw open the door of the dome, relishing in the silence of being alone and I let out a gut wrenching sob that was as desperate as it was painful.

“Fuck,” I cried, slamming my fist against the domed windows. I tore away, headed for the shower, when the door opened, pulling my attention once more.

Grayson stood in the doorway, the lantern light casting a golden glow on him, his blue button down soaked, clinging to his perfect chest, his dark hair wet, hanging in his eyes like some Esquire Brand Mr. Darcy.

And I both hated and loved it all the same.

“I can’t do this with you,” I said, my heart beating so loud I thought it would echo in the room.

“Henry, please, it’s not... it’s not what it looks like,” he said as he took a step closer.

Enraged with several years of pent up baggage, in his presence I came undone.

“Oh really, Grayson? You going to tell me he tripped and fell onto your perfect mouth, and you were giving him CPR?” I growled.

“He’s... Cody’s not important to me. Not anymore.”

I let out a dark laugh. “Anymore, right.”

“Henry, please, just listen to me!”

“Listen to you? Listen to what, your lies? You said I was yours!” I cried, my stomach turning in anguish.

“You promised!” I yelled, as several years worth of trauma unleashed itself on Grayson.

Grayson stepped forward, but I held my hand up to stop him. I worried if he got any closer, I might actually explode into a million pieces.

“Don’t,” I said shakily. “Just... leave me alone,” I said through tears and sobs.

“Henry...”

“I mean it, Grayson,” I said as I headed for the shower, not looking behind me. Because I knew if I did, I would see Grayson’s heart breaking too.

And I’d know it was because of me.