Page 22 of Grave Kisses (Graveyard of Hearts Collection #1)

“Where do you think your feelings are?” he asks. I think I am attracted to him, but something is holding me back. I don’t know what it is, but this doesn’t feel like something that should be rushed. It doesn’t feel like I am the one deciding my emotions, and I don’t like that.

“You are a nice guy, Jeff,” I say. “But there is so much going on right now… I really need for things to go slowly. I don’t want to rush anything and ultimately get one of us hurt.”

“I understand,” he says. Jeff and Marcus let me sit up, and I stand.

Sitting makes me feel like my head is going to explode.

I let Jeff pull me closer until I am standing between his legs as he sits on the edge of the bed to face me.

He has his hands on my thighs, and it’s not that I am uncomfortable, but this doesn’t feel natural.

At all. Before, being near him was comforting, but being this close…

I am being so paranoid, and I don’t want to hurt him.

Not when he just lost his wife. He may very well be grieving and reaching out to me.

Isn’t that a thing people do? It’s not real feelings, just grief.

I think right now it’s best to move at a snail’s pace and see if his feelings stick around and if I become more comfortable.

I look up at Marcus and Bellamy. They are both watching me, and neither of them looks like they like how close we are.

Maybe they sense how uncomfortable I am.

I hope they call it a night because I just want to be alone with them.

I need to think, and I can’t think with Jeff here.

He overwhelms me. Whether that is intentional or not, I don’t know. I feel bad for thinking it is.

“Look,” I say. “I’m not saying no, but I do think that for the sake of both of us, we should focus on what’s happening right now.

I don’t want things to get more muddled than they already have.

If you want to hand off the case, that’s okay.

We can still talk and see where things go.

If you think you can handle things, that’s fine too. ”

“Okay,” he says with a tight smile. I know he doesn’t like that answer, but that is what is best for my babies. Their future is my priority, and being involved with him makes that complicated.

“Well, I am exhausted,” Bellamy says.

“Same,” I lie.

“Well, I will go so you all can rest,” Jeff says as he stands.

I go to step back, and he cups my cheek.

I have no fucking idea what to do right now.

Every time I try to move away from him, it’s like I am made to get closer again.

He looks like he is lost in thought, but then he leans into me; I panic.

No, I freeze. I want to pull away, but I don’t.

I let him kiss me. When he pulls away, I move away from him entirely and stand near Marcus.

That one kiss just solidified that I feel nothing for him, but I don’t feel like I can admit that he scares me.

“I’m going to make her get some rest now,” Marcus says before looking at me. “Go get in the shower. I’ll come help in a sec.”

“Okay,” I sigh. I don’t want to make it seem like I am using this to escape, but I am.

I turn and go to the bathroom so I can shut myself in.

I get the water on and focus on getting my clothes off.

I step into the now scalding hot shower, and I realize I am trembling.

What is wrong with me? I was managing my paranoia until he touched my hip.

It’s like I went into fight or flight mode, and I froze.

Just like I did with Archer. I feel stuck in this situation, and I don't like it.

By the time Marcus and Bellamy get into the shower with me, I am crying.

Marcus turns me to face him and cups my face.

Bellamy kneads my shoulders, and it helps keep me calm.

“I need you to be really fucking honest with me right now, Kendra. We are not mad at you whatsoever, but I do not like how triggered you seemed. What do you really feel for him?”

“I don’t,” I say tearfully. “I feel awful. Like I lead him on. I was mostly okay until he touched my hip. I thought maybe… maybe there was something there, but… I just wanted to get away from him. It felt unnatural and…”

“And what?” he asks when I stop talking.

“It scared me,” I nearly whisper, as if he might hear me if I speak too loudly. “He scares me.”

Marcus wraps me in a hug, and Bellamy moves his hands to my waist. “We encouraged him to talk to you because we too thought there was something there. You deserve all of the happiness and comfort the world can offer, and I didn’t want to force that door shut if you possibly wanted it open…

but I felt how uncomfortable you were. When you were standing between his legs, and he started touching them, you seemed to withdraw…

like you were trying to disappear… You were tense when he kissed you and nearly ran away the first chance you got. ”

“I’m afraid to say anything now,” I admit.

“He just lost his wife. I think that is what is driving this, so… maybe it’s just best to play things out for now.

If I fully reject him, it might hurt the case, and…

I just need Archer to be found. I can’t hurt Jeff any more than he already is, or Archer might actually kill me. ”

“I agree,” Bellamy sighs. “I don’t like the idea of lying to him or making you put yourself in a position where you have to pretend, but… We can be the bad guys and intercept.”

“Right. If you don’t want him touching you, he won’t. It’s that simple. I have no problem being the controlling asshole boyfriend,” Marcus says.

“I think it might be for the better that we hire a private investigator, though,” Bellamy says. “And I know exactly who we can call.”

“Who?” I ask.

“My sister,” he says, kissing my shoulder. “We can get you in bed, and I’ll give her a call.”

“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “I am exhausted.”

“You just stand there and look pretty. We will take care of you,” Marcus says. He gently lifts my chin and kisses me. Everything disappears, and I lean into him more, soaking in all of the love and comfort I can. When I pull away, I smile up at him.

“I love you both so much,” I say.

“We love you too, Kendra. Always,” Marcus says softly.