Page 16 of Grave Kisses (Graveyard of Hearts Collection #1)

“Baby, you have nothing to apologize for,” Bellamy says. “I know you might have felt alone the last six weeks, but you weren’t. We’ve been right here beside you, no matter how hard you pushed.”

“Why put up with it?” I ask.

“Because you are worth it, Kendra,” Marcus says. “You are worth every second of all the good and bad moments. No matter what is thrown at us, we are here by your side no matter what.”

“I just want to be happy. I want to feel safe,” I say.

“Let’s go in and make sure you are okay. Afterwards, we can curl up in bed and watch a movie. How does that sound?” Marcus asks.

“Really good,” I sniffle.

“Alright,” he chuckles. “Let’s go get your clumsy ass looked at.”

I am lying on the hospital bed waiting for the doctor to come back. They did a bunch of scans to make sure I’m okay. I am bored, and I just want to go home now. When the door opens, I sit up.

“Okay,” Dr. Trask says as he sits on his rolling stool and moves to the end of the bed. Marcus and Bellamy are sitting in chairs beside me. “So, scans came back good. You don’t have any obvious damage from the fall.”

“So, I can leave?” I ask.

“Mmm. Not just yet,” he says. I am ready to lie my ass off to keep myself out of a padded room when he continues talking. “I ran some routine blood work, and it appears that you are pregnant.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” I snap.

“Oh wow…” Marcus says.

“Oh wow, nothing. There is no fucking way. I’m on birth control.”

“Miss any days?” he asks.

“I mean, my apartment blew up, and I had to get a new prescription. I only missed a few days,” I say. He gives me a deadpan look as if to say I am a giant moron. “Fuck…”

“Your bloodwork compared to your last menstrual cycle would indicate that you are about eight weeks along,” he says. “I’d like to do an ultrasound to see how baby is doing.”

“No,” I say. “No, I can’t be… I don’t know who… But if he… Oh, fuck.”

“Look at me,” Bellamy says, squeezing my hand as I start to panic.

“I can’t put a baby in danger. I can’t,” I say tearfully.

“No matter what happens, we are right here, okay? We will do everything we can to keep you and our baby safe,” Bellamy says.

“We’ve got this, Kendra. I promise, we can do this. Okay? Let’s see how the baby is and go from there.”

“Maybe just stay away from stairs,” Bellamy adds, and I laugh. A nurse comes in, pulling a portable ultrasound with her, and Dr. Trask stands up.

“Okay. You are far enough along that she is going to do a belly scan. If we have trouble seeing, we will switch to the transvaginal scan,” Dr. Trask says.

I just nod because I might cry if I speak.

The nurse sets everything up before having me raise my shirt.

She puts a clear jelly on my lower belly before pressing the wand on me.

I cover my eyes with my arm and pray to whatever God will listen to me that if I am pregnant, that I didn’t kill the poor thing with my lack of coordination.

They are all so quiet that it starts to scare me. When I move my arm and look at Marcus, his eyes are wide as he looks at the screen. “What?” I ask. “What’s wrong? Is it dead? What happened?” I ask, panicking.

“Uhm…” Bellamy says. “Doc…”

“Someone fucking tell me!” I snap.

“I see two babies with two strong heartbeats,” the nurse says. Her voice is so calm that I forget to freak the fuck out for a moment. “Do you want to hear?”

“Did you say… Oh no…” I say quietly.

“Look here,” she says, turning the screen. “See those little flickers?”

“Yeah…”

“Those are the heartbeats,” she says. When she clicks a button, the room fills with little thumping sounds. “Baby A is at 145 beats, and baby B is at… 152.”

“They are okay?” I ask. “I didn’t…”

“They are very well protected, Mama,” she says with a sweet smile. “They don’t really get above the pelvic bone until closer to twelve weeks. They are doing great.”

“I’m pregnant… with twins…”

“You are,” she says. “I’ll get you some pictures printed.”

“Uh… okay,” I say. She wipes my belly off before turning back to the screen. A few seconds later, she pulls the pictures off a printer under the screen and hands them to me.

For a split second—not for long but long enough to forget—I think about calling Alan to tell him the news.

Only I can’t call him. I will never be able to share this with him, or anything else ever again.

That hurts worse than anything so far since he died.

Knowing my children will never know just how amazing he was… hurts.

Dr. Trask sees how out of it I am, so he turns to Marcus and Bellamy. “She needs to get an appointment with an obstetrician to establish care. I can write down my wife’s information if you'd like, she is one.”

“Thank you,” Marcus says.

Everything goes by in a blur. Marcus signs the discharge papers while Bellamy gets me up and helps me get dressed.

I am a bit sore, but I am mostly just stunned.

I did not expect any of this. I have had so much on my mind that I didn’t even think about having missed a few days of my birth control.

I have been late so many times because of stress, so that didn’t register either.

When we get back to the truck, Bellamy sits in the back with me, but no one makes me talk.

All I can think about now is how I was fully intending on killing myself, but now I have two babies to think about.

They didn’t ask for this, but I want to give them a life that I wish I had.

I will be for them what Alan was for me.

When we get to the house, I am exhausted. Bellamy doesn’t give me a chance to get out before he scoops me into his arms and carries me inside. “I can walk,” I say.

“You can also fly down the stairs with very little effort,” Marcus says casually.

“Speaking of flying,” Bellamy says as we go upstairs. “I love how you were all Oh, I wanna fly , and God was all, Bitch, shut up. You can fly over here and change these diapers. ”

“It’s freaky how nonchalant you are about making suicide jokes,” I laugh.

“Eh. Sometimes we have to make light of dark situations in order to find the silver lining,” Bellamy says, sitting me on the end of Marcus’ bed. “No more hiding out in the basement.”

“Okay,” I say softly.

“You’ll sleep between us every night, you’ll let us take care of you, and you’ll stop trying to off yourself by falling in random places. Kay?” Bellamy continues.

“Ooo. Tough luck, bud. I’ve been clumsy my whole life,” I say with an innocent smile. “I’ll try to be more careful.”

“I hope you understand we are not letting you out of our sight until we are confident that not only you are safe from Archer, but also yourself,” Marcus says.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I admit.

“Good. Let’s get dressed for bed. You need some rest. We can handle everyone else tomorrow.”

“Mkay,” I yawn. I stand up and undress down to nothing before Marcus pulls one of his shirts over my head. When I climb into bed, I face Marcus, and he pulls me to his chest while Bellamy snuggles up close behind me.

“I’m sorry,” I say after a long stretch of silence.

“For what?” Marcus asks.

“For not taking my birth control… For wanting to die… Everything, really.”

“It’s okay,” Marcus says, kissing my forehead. I sigh as I relax into him, and he chuckles. “Grief is one mean bitch, Kendra. We heal however we heal, and it’s our job to support you through it all.”

“I’m in love with you. Both of you…”

“We love you too,” he says, lifting my chin and kissing me. “Go to sleep, Little Brat. You’re avoiding sleep like a toddler.”

“Am not,” I laugh. “Goodnight, guys.”

“Goodnight, Kendra,” Bellamy says, wrapping his arm around me and resting his hand on my lower belly. Something about how natural this feels is the most comforting thing I have ever felt. I let myself close my eyes, and sleep drags me under.