Page 15 of Grave Kisses (Graveyard of Hearts Collection #1)

Kendra

Six Weeks Later

So much for staying in a hotel. I don’t know how the fuck they convinced me to do it, but I am staying in the basement apartment they have at the house.

I at least have my own area. Although, they are constantly checking on me.

The new system launches in a few days, and then I can finally end things once and for all.

I was hoping I could finish things weeks ago, but there have been so many setbacks.

I’m glad my ankle wasn’t broken, though.

Dealing with that the entire time would be awful.

I ended up sneaking away to get a scan a few days after I hurt it, and it was just a bad sprain.

I’m always sad. I just want to go upstairs and curl up in bed between them, but I can’t.

My death will hurt them enough as it is, so I don’t want to add to it by making their feelings stronger for me.

It’s not fair. I can feel myself sinking further and further into darkness, and I’m just waiting for it to swallow me whole.

I had hoped that maybe the cops would find Archer, but they haven’t. No one has said anything, really.

I know he is out there watching. Maybe he has always been watching. It feels like he has. I am just as scared now of him returning as I was when it all went down. Only now, I’m worried about who else he will hurt.

I look down at my phone, staring at the text from Archer.

I should be terrified, but I’ve come to accept that I will die.

I won’t let him kill me, though. As soon as this project is done, I’ll handle it myself.

I want to make sure it’s done right, so I have a plan to jump off a bridge.

I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to fly. I guess this is my last chance.

Archer: Ever wonder what your death would feel like, Kendra? I dream of it every night. Soon, we will both find out.

I lock my phone to abandon the message with all the others he has sent me. Maybe one day I will message back. Instead of eating dinner, I roll on my bed and face the wall. I stupidly agreed to having dinner with the guys upstairs, but I simply can’t pretend today that I’m not drowning.

It fucking sucks to be so desperate to breathe but unable to resurface. I can see everyone else watching me, but no one is saving me. Do I want to be saved? Do I want someone to talk me out of killing myself? Maybe. Am I willing to risk their lives to save my own? Absolutely not.

What I do know is that I am in love with Marcus and Bellamy. I don’t know when it happened or how, but I am, and it fucking sucks. It sucks to want to tell them, knowing they want me too, but knowing that opening up would cost them their lives.

“Hey,” I hear Marcus say from the staircase. “Dinner is done.”

“I’m okay,” I say quietly.

“Kendra,” Marcus sighs. “You haven’t eaten all day.”

“Fine,” I grumble, knowing he won’t give up. Plus, I want them to have at least a few positive memories with them before I die. Maybe it will help them find closure too.

I walk past Marcus and go upstairs. When I get to the top, I see far more people than I expected. Martin, Noel, Julie, and Jesse are here. Bellamy is standing in the doorway of the kitchen. I turn to go back downstairs when I realize this is set up, but Marcus catches me.

“Move,” I say simply.

“No. Sit,” he says, matching my deadpan tone.

“Move out of my way!” I yell at him.

“Sit down,” Marcus says with a grave tone.

“Fuck you,” I growl. “Get the fuck out of my way.”

“Sit. Down.”

“Why don’t you fucking make me, asshole?

” I yell again. I don’t know why I’m so pissed off, but I know they’re going to try and force me to talk.

They’ve been asking a lot lately what’s bothering me.

Marcus suddenly picks me up and throws me over his shoulder before carrying me through the kitchen and to the living room.

When he drops me to my feet, he catches my wrist as I go to smack him.

I am fuming, and I don’t know why. I can feel the inevitable spiral coming, and I don’t want that.

If I fall apart, their comfort will break me, and they will find out my plan.

“Get pissed off all you want, but I still give a fuck about you,” Marcus says.

“Well, don’t,” I say, pulling away and stepping back. “Just leave me alone. Let me go.”

“Let you go where?” Bellamy asks.

Fuck.

“Stop caring. Stop trying to be close to me. Just leave me alone,” I say. “I don’t even want to be here.”

“Where would you rather be?” Bellamy asks.

“Anywhere else,” I lie.

“Alright,” Martin says. “Here’s what’s happening. I don’t give a fuck if you get mad at me. I hope you do, actually, but it’s still happening. You are going to sit down and talk to us, or Jesse is filing the paperwork for an involuntary commitment.”

“You’re kidding,” I deadpan.

“Not at all. If you think for one fucking second we don’t know what’s happening, you aren’t nearly as smart as I thought,” he retorts.

“Fuck you, Martin. Fuck all of you. Why does anyone give a shit anyway? Marcus fucking wanted me gone, so why not just let me go?”

“You think killing yourself is going to keep us safe?” Marcus asks. “He will not stop until he is caught or killed. He feels entitled to CyberSafe, and we are all in the way.”

“I’m done,” I say. “No one can make me stay here. Fuck all of you.”

I turn and manage to get past everyone. When I get to the basement door, I hear one of them coming up behind me. Instead of just talking, I yank the door open and run down the stairs.

You see… I’ve always been clumsy. I can trip on air, fall upstairs, and evidently throw myself down them also.

Halfway down, my foot catches, and down I go.

Everyone collectively yells my name as I tumble down the stairs.

When I reach the bottom, I roll to my back with I have my hands over my face and I am laughing so hard that I sound like I am crying.

My hands are pulled down, and Marcus smiles at me.

“You are the clumsiest person I have ever met, you know that?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, still laughing. It’s not humor, though. It’s the irony. I intended to throw myself off a bridge into a shallow river in just a few days, but here I am, bouncing down the stairs like an unrestrained ball.

“Deep breath, sweetie. Relax for a second,” he says, seeing through my bullshit and understanding that I am on the verge of actually sobbing. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, relaxing a bit. “Good girl. Did you hit your head?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper.

“Does anything hurt?” he asks.

“Just my pride,” I say.

“Well, I’m still going to take you to get checked out,” he says.

“Is this your way of getting me locked in a padded room?”

“Do you need to be in a padded room?” He asks as he scoops me into his arms.

“Probably,” I mutter.

“Me and Bellamy will take her to be seen,” Marcus tells the others. “Eat, and we will be back.”

“Let me know if you need anything,” Jesse says.

“I think the stairs knocked some sense into her,” Marcus says. “I’ll let y’all know.”

Marcus takes me upstairs, and Bellamy grabs my bag on the way out to the truck. Once I am in the back with Marcus, he lets me sit on my own as we drive.

“We know about the will,” Bellamy tells me, glancing up at me in the rearview mirror.

“How long?” I ask.

“Since the day Jesse wrote it up,” Marcus says. “I really don’t want to have you locked up, but we are figuring this out one way or another. So, start talking.”

“No, because then you will lock me up,” I say with a frown. Marcus sighs and motions for me to come closer. When I do, he pulls me into his lap to straddle him.

“I am going to explain something, and then we can go from there. Everything I say goes for Bellamy as well,” Marcus says.

“Okay,” I say, almost annoyed.

“I love you, Kendra. We both love you,” Marcus says, and I tear up.

“We have been watching you drown yourself and refuse to see that we are all trying to reach out to you. We could have forced you to talk, but we wanted you to want to come to us. Today was an intervention of sorts because we weren’t seeing progress…

We want to help, but we need you to want us to help… Will you please let us help you?”

“I don’t think you can,” I say tearfully.

“Try me,” he says. “No matter what you say, we won’t judge you for it.”

I contemplate what he is saying. I see the desperation in his eyes, and I break. “I was going to kill myself,” I say so quietly that I almost can’t hear myself. “If I am going to die, I want to be in control of it… I don’t want Archer taking anything else from me.”

“When were you planning to?” he asks softly.

“After the launch on Wednesday,” I admit, looking down. “This system was the last thing I planned with Alan, so I wanted to complete that first.”

“How?”

“A bridge… The one that overlooks the river,” I say.

“Why a bridge?”

“Because I wanna know what it feels like to fly,” I admit.

“What do you think it would accomplish?” he asks, lifting my face up to look at me. I have tears rolling down my cheeks that he gently swipes away.

“No one else would have to get hurt,” I sniffle. “Everyone around me gets hurt… My birth parents died… Alan died… Your dad had that heart attack. I just wanted to save everyone from him.”

“Kendra, baby… Do you want to die?” Marcus asks.

“No.” I choke out. “I just want to be happy… I am so tired of being sad… but it feels too late.”

“It’s not, but why do you think it is?”

“After… When we had sex… I just ignored you two. I was so mean…” I say. “I didn’t feel like I deserved any of that when I would just end up getting everyone hurt… I already lost Alan; I didn’t want to lose y’all too.”

Marcus wraps me in a tight hug, and I fall apart. He holds me close as I cry and doesn’t let go. Eventually, the truck stops, and Bellamy gets out and goes around the truck to stand at the door beside us. I sit up and wipe my face before looking up at them.

“I’m sorry,” I whimper. “I’m so sorry.”