Page 50 of Grand Master

RED ROOM…

“I don’t know how to feel, Josie…” I talked lowly as I placed the palm of my hand on the center of the Red Room door.

A hushed beeping noise sounded off and seconds later the heavy steel door slid open.

The smell inside of here matched the same smell as Hell Cage.

The Red Room walls were red with no windows, it was humid inside but not as hot as the other room.

Smack arms were tied in front of him. His head hung low as blood leaked from his nose and mouth.

Before I could take a step forward, Josie wings cut through the stale air.

Her white talons gripped Smack’s shoulders and before she could dig in, he screamed at the top of his lungs.

She used her beak to rip downward on the side of his face; her sharp claw rose up and jabbed right into his left eye.

Josie’s feathers flared in a frenzy which told me that she wasn’t just angry…

Josie was furious. The more Smack cried out and screamed, the more intense Josie’s attack became.

I counted down from twenty to one, then clicked my tongue sharply.

She stopped abruptly but hooted and eyed me intensely like there was more damage that she sought out to do.

She turned her head mechanically back at Smack then launched off his shoulder making sure to slap him in the face with her feathers as she flew off to the shadows of the room.

The silence in the room after her attack was louder than his screams. Get it over with, speak your peace then leave. I walked over to him slowly; I made sure to leave a little space between us before I squatted in front of him.

“After all of these years…since we were kids, I let you breathe. I’m pretty sure you know how far my name proceeds itself.

You know what I’m all about Smack. I wondered if you ever asked yourself, why the fuck would a man like me allow such of a poor excuse of a man like you to still walk the earth? ” I raised my thick brows.

He didn’t respond, just whimpered pathetically.

“I thought about killing you when you stood on the sidewalk asking if I saw your bitch ass daddy. I wanted to kill you because your father killed my pops then laced my momma’s crack.” My jaws clenched tightly from the memory.

“He took them from me, so I felt nothing killing Rosco. I proved to myself and him that he would never be worthy enough to take the board that my Pops dominated…I wasn’t going to allow him to be able to tell the tale either.” My voice dropped low.

I looked into his one good eye, since Josie made sure to claw his right eye halfway out. Smack sniveled and shamelessly dropped tears as he winced out in severe pain.

“I left you alive Smack because the same look that you had in your eyes that day was the same feeling I felt all of my young years. Our father’s failed us…

they loved the streets more than us. I chose to make a change, doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad to those who judge, but I’m doing something.

When I saw you years back, I didn’t think you would step into Rosco’s shoes… ” I chuckled bitterly.

“You don’t have a loyal bone in you, like father like son…

I really hoped that you didn’t walk in his shoes.

I told myself that if you did…I’d give you the opportunity to redirect your steps…

I did that by offering distribution of Owlette.

Of course, you wanted to prove yourself to your men since you let me openly bitch you out in front of them?—”

“My dad didn’t fail me, and I didn’t fail him. H-he loved me!” He swallowed down bitterly.

I blinked as his chest heaved. Each breath that he took was shaky.

“Y—you failed your pops, and in the afterlife, you continue to embarrass and fail him. This street shit is just another cycle of life that you’re trying to change.

None of this shit gone stop, you ain’t God and fasho didn’t make you superman to save every crack head walking the streets.

” He coughed violently and gasped for air as more blood gushed from his eye and into his mouth.

I stood up and laughed sinisterly.

“You a sick ass muthafucka Grand. Parading around with owls and soldiers playing God when you need some fucking help. Muthafuckas don’t just fear you, they feel sorry for you.

My Pops always told my momma how Kendrick’s only son was fucked up in the head with a mental illness and how he felt sorry for you.

He thought he would be doing you a favor of getting rid of Kendrick.

He said that maybe the system would get you and put you on meds since you always talked to ya self. ” His voice cracked.

His words felt like a blade had gone across my ribs. People knew back then that I had a problem? I thought I hid it well.

My hand twitched at my side; Josie flew across the room and landed rightfully on my shoulder. She made a low hooting noise reacting to the emotional shift that she felt in her hollow bones.

“Rest in piss.” I hawked up spit and spat it right on top of his bare feet.

I gave him my back and walked out because there was nothing else left to say. Smack chose his fate; we all did and had to answer to it all one day.

Instead of me placing my hand against the wall panel to close the steel door behind me, I left it open as I walked out with one thought swirling in my head.

I’m not crazy, pops loved me in his own way…fuck what anybody thought back then. Rosco wasn’t doing me no favor by killing my old man!

My jaws locked up as Smack’s words did a loop inside of my mind. I nodded towards my men and started towards the steps. My Pop’s face flickered in my mind, those black eyes, his face balled up in disgust.

You should be proud of me Pop’s…. Fuck! Why do I still hope for your approval? I shook my head and leaned against the cold wall in the stairwell.

He only loved me, when I proved to him that what the doctors said about me wasn’t true. He would love me now if I walked in his shoes, but his footsteps were wrong! I told myself over and over.

Josie clawed gently at my shoulder, breaking the heavy trance, I was in. Her glossy big eyes stared straight into mine.

“I love what I do, Josie…I can’t save everybody, but I’ll never stop trying. I just have to learn how to start living a little more outside of these walls.” I told her.

She blinked her eyes and tilted her head like she understood.

Her acknowledgement comforted me enough.

I refused to become the same man I buried when I was thirteen.

I closed my eyes again and pressed my back against the wall letting the silence take over me.

For the first time in years, I let myself wonder what it would’ve been like if Pops hugged me more than he taught me about the streets.

What path would I have taken if my momma chose me every once in a while and fought on my behalf to let me remain in school.

What would I feel like now if I heard the words ‘I love you’ more frequently from Pops? Tone’s words echoed next, and the air became too thick to inhale.

“You ever think about kids?”

That question hit deep, and I didn’t want to admit to him that I never pictured it before Mira.

But I saw it clearly with her…Carrying our child.

Me protecting and not training he or she.

If I had a kid with her, I would learn how to love properly so I could teach my child love and not survival.

All of those random thoughts terrified me; I felt fear of failing in that aspect.

But it also lit something inside of me that I hadn’t felt since I was a boy watching my mother smile on the days that she was happy and content with me and Pops being home.

I opened my eyes, not caring about the heavy tear drops that ran down my face.

“I gotta hear her voice…I need to see her, Josie.” I whispered.

Josie ruffled her feathers with silent approval.

I pushed myself off the wall and continued up the steps until I reached the elevator.

Each step towards my room I battled the war inside my head.

My obsession with Mira pulled me one, way then there was my need to protect her from myself dragged me in a different direction.

When I made it to my room, I stared at the black walls for a second before looking up at my owls.

Josie flew up to the rafter to join them as all of their eyes penetrated mine.

I didn’t bother undressing. I dropped down to the edge of my bed, elbows on my knees and exhaled slowly.

I didn’t have a headache, but my mind wouldn’t shut up.

How do I love when all I’ve ever known is control and possession? What is real love?

With each inhale, memories flooded me, some sweet, most bitter.

The weight of everything I’d carried for years seemed to settle on my shoulders all at once.

I reached for my phone, my thumb hovered above her contact, ‘ Little Owl ’ I hesitated and removed my thumb, as if the act itself could both mend and break me.

I tried to believe Tone’s words from earlier…

I deserved a little peace, even if it was borrowed from the sound of Mira’s voice and her presence along with the sound of her violin.

I wanted her, not just physically but her smile, voice and the way she encouraged me without forcing me to open up and talk to her more.

I knew I conducted myself robotically but that came from a place of shame from when I was a boy.

Most of the time it felt like my severe impulses would land me right in jail.

My Pops never wanted to believe the mental issues that I battled hard with since he claimed that type of shit didn’t run in our family.

Whenever he witnessed me acting out of the norm, he’d beat my ass good for it.

Mira got comfortable with me, she made me forget what others surrounding me thought of me although I stopped giving an initial fuck.

Those big hopeful eyes didn’t judge me after a while, that in itself made me feel good.

My obsession for her since the first night I laid eyes on her spread throughout me like a rapid never-ending fire. Uncontrolled, and unhinged.

My phone vibrated, I didn’t move at first because I figured it was Tone. I didn’t want to have any more deep talks with him for the night.

Enough was enough…

It stopped ringing and I exhaled. Minutes later, it started back up again. I looked down at the screen and my heart leaped out of my chest.

‘Little Owl’

My heart stalled like it forgot how to beat in real time. I stared at the black letters against the bright background and wondered if my mind was tripping. I picked up and remained quiet for a couple of seconds before sighing roughly to let her know that I was listening.

“Kenric, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Her voice sounded angelic.

It made my chest ache; I leaned back until my back touched the cold silk comforter behind me then looked up into the dark sky.

“Kenric.” She breathed into the phone.

Why she playing with me like this? Like I won’t get up and go to her, just to hold and kiss her pretty lips?

I pressed the phone harder against my ear like I wanted to feel her through it. She had no idea what her actions and words did to me.

“Why did you call, little owl.” I said lowly.

“I just—I don’t know Kenric, well I do know.

I felt something… earlier when we talked, you weren’t okay.

You seem like you’re always in control and because of me leaving to gain my own clarity, you spiraled.

I know about your condition, and I read about it while I’m staying over at Yvette house.

I don’t want to be a trigger that sets you off.

I didn’t intend to run, Kenric. I plan on being here for you as a good friend.

” She inhaled a sharp breath after rushing all the words out.

I remained quiet as I replayed her words in my head. After I took her against her will, killed Darius, and chained her…she got freedom and still worried about my well-being…Mira wanted to make sure I was okay… My throat tightened.

“I’m not okay,” I licked my lips. “I’m trying to figure out how to give you something I’ve never had…How to try to give you me, that is if you will eventually want me without breaking you in the process.” I admitted.

“I love what I built here, and I won’t stop any of what I do?—”

“I’d never expect you to stop or change, Kenric.” She sighed roughly into the phone.

“I saw you kill, saw the cells, and your beautiful creation inside of your lab. You’re very…

interesting. Different, and it scares me to my core that I find it all attractive.

The way you touch me, look at me…I’ve never had that before Kenric…

I’m just trying to find understanding in it all, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to eventually try something…

I don’t know what that something would be, but uhhh I do kinda like you.

” There was a long pause after she whispered the last bit of words.

I sucked in a deep breath and chuckled lowly.

Seconds later my chuckle turned into a full laugh from the gut.

Leave it up to Mira to be the one to make me laugh after a hell-bent day of battling emotions.

It felt good, eased my soul and it made me crave to have her next to me right now.

I longed for her thick curvaceous soft body pressed against my body.

“I mean, it’s not every day that a girl like me gets kidnapped by a fairy godfather of crackheads.” She giggled into the phone.

The sound of her laughter wrapped around me, warm and unexpectedly, after everything we’d both been through.

For a moment, the weight of it all didn’t press so heavily on my chest, and I could almost imagine a version of us unburdened by history or scars.

I hesitated, searching for the right words, wanting to hold onto this fragile peace between us.

“I’m scared,” I stated lowly. “Scared I’ll break you or make you regret ever meeting me.

I know that I’m not normal, I also know that you don’t like my concepts and the way I do things.

I’m scared, little owl. I took you and tried to save you…

I killed on your behalf so you would never be mistreated by a pussy like Darius…

If I was to get you, and have you to myself… I don’t know how to?—”

“Be teachable, Kenric.” She cut me off breathlessly.

“Let me teach you how I like to be held…how I crave to be adored and to feel protected…have patience and then when the time comes, we both need to agree to be teachable and learn how to adapt unselfishly by each other needs and wants.” She finished her statement.

“How do we start from here?” I asked.

“We start as friends.”