Page 47 of Grand Master

“I didn’t run,” she said. Her voice was soft but insistent, painted with exhaustion. “I just—I needed space. Time to think, to breathe on my own without you pulling at me, shaping me, deciding for me. It wasn’t about you. I just needed to hear myself for once.”

“Mira, you know freedom is an illusion,” I replied, voice velvet over steel. “You can run, you can hide in corners and alleyways and train stations, but there’s no place I can’t reach if I choose. I won’t ask again. Why did you run?”

“I told you,” she whispered, more to herself than to me, “I needed to connect with myself without you in my face…touching my body…” She sighed shakily.

“You made me feel things that I never felt before…sexually, and mentally…I started off hating you, Kenric. Now my feelings are dangerous…It hasn’t been twenty-four hours and I’m craving you in dangerous ways. My entire being reacts to you…I’m not running, I just need space.”

I closed my eyes, seconds later, Josie’s weight returned—a cool, feathered solace. I listened to the storm in Mira’s breathing, the fragile hope laced through her words and wondered how long it would take for her to realize that some truths, once spoken, can’t be unsaid.

“I still can taste you on my tongue, I smell you on my top lift…the crown of my dick memorized the way your walls collapse around it, I—” I swallowed down roughly then squeezed my eyes shut.

“I’m going to punish you, Little Owl…I’m gonna punish you so well, you will never attempt to pull no bullshit like this again…

at least without communicating. Enjoy the time that you have, get your mind right and think about today’s actions.

You don’t have to come to me; I’ll find my way to you and make you answer to what you did. ” I grunted.

It felt like my soul was battling to lurch out of my body to find its way to her.

“I’m sorry, Kenric…I can come?—”

“I’ll see you soon, Mira.” I cut her off sharply.

“Okay.” She sniveled into the phone.

“Mira?” A sinister smile stretched the corners of my lips.

“Yes?” She answered timidly.

“I’m gonna make it hurt, painfully good.” My anger broke through my voice as I tried my hardest to self-calm myself.

“I didn’t disappear, like I said I needed space and was too scared to just say it. I feel a connection; I like you a lot Kenric…It’s just?—”

“Scared?”

That one word knocked all the breath out of me. I flopped down in my seat; Josie’s claws dug through the thin fabric of my shirt as I leaned back in my chair.

“I thought I miscalculated,” I muttered to myself.

“I must have pushed to hard and tried to move too fast. At first, I wanted to break you down fast, then own you…I broke my chess board.” My voice cracked.

I felt a painful sting behind my eyelids as darkness swallowed me whole. My head started to throb again, my vision impaired.

“Kenric baby…”

I heard her talking but I couldn’t breathe right.

What was it about this woman that had me losing control of everything including my sanity.

I watched the ceiling shift in and out of focus as she continued to talk to me.

My throat felt like I had swallowed glass.

I couldn’t get the negative thoughts of Mira trying to escape me for good out of my head.

“I love my violin, Kenric. Don’t you know that I can’t be away from it for long.” Her soft sweet voice cracked through my haze.

I gripped the edge of my desk as I forced myself to focus.

“I don’t feel right, little owl.” I forced out.

“Kenric?” I heard the concern in her voice, but it didn’t do enough to stop what was happening.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head between my shoulders. My heart raced, no longer a beat but a stampede.

I’m spiraling…. The last time I spiraled uncontrollably was the date of both parents’ deaths. Josie made a low hooting noise directly in my ear. She felt the shift and my panic.

“Tell me what’s happening, Kenric! Talk to me.” She pleaded desperately.

I ran my hand down my face again, then looked down into my desk drawer. My thoughts sped at a rapid pace as I tried to mentally decide if I would take one of the blue vials that Nemesis provided me with or light up a laced blunt with owlette to calm me. Which one will work?

“I can’t think straight, my head feels full…everything is loud inside.” I tapped the side of my skull roughly.

“It’s the same feeling I got when I was thirteen…it’s the noise, little owl… the noise always comes back chaotically even when it’s quiet…”

I picked up the blue liquid, using my thumb to take off the top, I tossed it back in a rush and swallowed it all down in one gulp.

“You shouldn’t have left the way you did,” I whispered, “I know myself and how much I can take. When I lose a piece that I care about… I unravel.”

“You’re here now, Kenric…you can get through this. You have to trust me! It’s not fair to guilt trip me into coming back right now because that’s what you want so badly. You have to believe that we can take things slow and I’ll come back.” She sighed roughly into the phone.

“I need you, Mira…” I confessed, barely audible.

“I don’t want to need you, but I do…you made that noise quiet. You playing the violin…your big eyes, the scent of you and your pure strong aura…I never felt it before…I need it…”

“Then I’ll stay on the phone, until the noise fades…We both need time to think…”

The noises in my head and the strong impulses to go after Mira already started to simmer down.

I was too stubborn to want to admit that though.

She stayed on the phone while I closed my eyes and pressed the phone hard to my ear to just hear her breathing.

Josie took in all of my wreckage as my mind slowly started to gather its broken pieces to fit them back into place.

A subtle warmth unfurled through my chest as the blue liquid settled deep inside of my veins.

The potion that Nemesis made me, started to blur out the sharp corners of my thoughts.

The chaos dulled, but a hollow ache remained.

I tried to focus on Mira’s breathing, I wanted it to be the thread I clung to, pulling me back from the edge.

“I’m scared, Mira,” I admitted, my voice rough and ragged. “Scared of how easy it is for everything to slip away. Scared of what I become when I can’t hold myself together.” The confession felt like a release that I had been holding back since a kid.

Her silence and breathing felt like security. It wasn’t empty, but patient, she waited for me to find my footing. I listened to the hum of the line, letting it anchor me.

“Kenric,” she breathed finally, her tone softer, and steadier.

“You’re allowed to be scared. I am, too.

But we’ll find a way to quiet the noise together, even if it’s just for tonight.

I’m not letting go, but I demand the proper space and time…

I’ll even welcome whatever punishment that you have on hold for me when the time comes. ”

A brittle laugh escaped me, the pressure in the forefront of my mind eased all the way up.

“I’m still gonna make it hurt, painfully good. I’ll let you be for now, but I’m coming for you soon little owl.”

“I’ll be ready for you whenever that is.” She challenged.