Page 80 of Goode Vibrations

“Well, he’s good enough that I’ve learned things from him.”

She seemed to be mulling over what to say. “I’ve tried to let you girls have space to figure this stuff out for yourselves without going super Mom on you.”

“But.”

“You haven’t made the best choices where men are concerned, dear.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I’m not going argue with that. It’s not really been me choosing the men, per se, so much as letting myself be…”

“Used?”

I sighed. “I wish I could disagree with that, but I can’t.”

“You have more to offer a man than your body, my love,” Mom said, her voice careful, gentle. “You need to see that, but just as important is thathesees it.”

I gnawed on how much to tell her. “He sees it,” was all I said.

“He does? How do you know? How is he showing you that, Poppy?”

“How real do you want this talk to get, Mom?”

“As real as it can get, Popsicle.”

I snickered at that. “You haven’t called me that in years.” I eyed her. “You want it real?”

“Yes.”

“When we first met, honestly, it was just…”

“Sex?”

It was weird to talk about this with my mom. I wasn’t sure how much she really knew about that side of me. “Yeah.” I hesitated. “Mom, this is awkward.”

She put her AirPods back in the case, and the case in her purse at her feet. “Poppy, I know I wasn’t always there for you when you were younger. I know there’s been a lot of stuff all of us have swept under the rug, not talked about. And I’m done. Give me the truth, and there’s no such thing as TMI. Not anymore.”

“You were struggling with Dad dying. We all were.”

“Doesn’t excuse it.”

I sighed. “No, it doesn’t.”

“So, I’m sorry, Poppy. I should have been a better mom.”

“I forgive you.”

She rested her head on my shoulder. “So?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time looking for attention in all the wrong ways, in all the wrong places.”

“Men. And sex, at what I imagine was far too young an age.”

“Honestly, yes. But it’s all I’ve had. Dad dying messed us all up. For me, it’s…not understanding what love is. How to…to love, and be loved.”

“Sex was the only way you could conceive of it.”

“Yeah.”

“And Errol? Is he different?”