Page 37 of Goode Vibrations

“So, no.”

“No, not really.” A snicker of laughter. “I do have my license, though. I promise.”

I frowned. “Why d’you make that sound like a lie?”

“I swear, I have my license. I just…haven’t exactly driven in…a while.”

“In how long?”

“Since I took the test?”

“And you can’t drive a manual?”

She shrugged. “How hard can it be? I know the basics. Clutch on the left, and you use your left foot for that. Push it in while holding the brake, let it out and press the gas.”

I checked our mirrors—it was just past six thirty in the morning, and the road was deserted. “Well, now’s as good a time as any, and this is as good a place as any. Give it a go, then.”

She hesitated. “Which gear is which?”

I laughed, tapped the top of the shifter knob. “It’s written on there.” I held her hand, helped her push it up into first. “First.” Down. “Second.” Up and to the right. “Third.” Down. “Fourth.” Back to far left, and up. “Reverse.”

She nodded. “Okay, I think I’ve got it.” She went through the gears on her own, naming them as she moved through them. “How do I know when to switch?”

I pointed at the tachy. “That gauge. See where it’s red? Switch when the needle gets close. But really, you’ll hear it in the motor, and feel it as well. It’ll speed up and the motor will sound higher, and then it’ll sort of go…sludgy and stop accelerating. That’s when you kick off the gas, push in the clutch, switch gears, then hit the gas again.”

“Oh. Makes sense.”

“But all that’s the easy part. Getting started is the hard part to learn. Once you figure out how to get into first, the rest’ll be easy.”

She glanced at me. “You, um, gonna tie up your shorts?”

I realized they were still only half on, and untied. “Oh. Yeah, right.” I fixed it. “Why, was it a distraction?”

She shrugged, hiding a grin. “I mean, yeah. A non-erect penis has always been funny and fascinating to me.” She ran her tongue over her teeth, smacking her mouth as if at a bad taste. “I need to brush my teeth.”

I chuckled. “Need a rinse? I’ve got some mouthwash.”

She smirked, quirked an eyebrow. “Yeah, that’d be good. I’ve got this…musky aftertaste. Must be from something I swallowed recently.”

I clambered into the back, found my toiletries and my bottle of mouth rinse. Brought it forward to her, and she made as if to pour it into the cap rather than sip from the bottle.

“No need to be weird about germs at this point, yeah? Considering where your mouth just was, it’s not gonna bother me if you go right from the bottle.”

She gave me a sideways glance and a grin as she swigged from the bottle, capped it, handed it back. Swished it around for a good half-minute, then rolled down the window and spat it out.

“Considering where my mouth just was, huh?” She realized the parking brake was still engaged, and released it—good thing, too, because I’d forgotten. “You were going to say something, before the driving lesson thing.”

I grinned. “Yeah, well, I’m still working out what to say. All that comes to mind at the moment is…deargod, woman. And close second to that, thank you. Maybe thank you is first. My blood is still making its way into my brain, I think, so sorting out normal operations might take a minute or two, or five. Because Poppy, you sucked the smart right out of me.”

She blew on her fingernails, buffed them on her shirt front. “Well, you know what they say, right? Men think with their dicks, which means I justblew…your…mind.” She mimed her brain exploding, both hands bursting from closed fist to open beside each temple.

I laughed. “I’ve not actually heard that one.”

“No? Where do you get your memes, bro?”

“I’m either traveling or off-grid eighty percent of my life. Haven’t got time for memes.”

“Oh, well I guess that’s a reasonable excuse.” She put the shifter into first, let out a breath. “Here we go.”