Page 72 of Goode Vibrations

She smirked. “Me either.”

I followed where she was leading. “You’re suggesting we take time without a physical, sexual component.”

She nodded. “I know it sounds crazy, but I—”

“It’s not,” I cut in. “It makes total sense.”

“It does?” She didn’t expect my reaction.

“Poppy, I know I’m a guy and therefore expected to think solely with my dick, but…I have got a heart and a soul and a brain. And yeah, it makes sense. Neither of us have ever had a relationship, period, let alone anything like one that wasn’t entirely predicated on sex.”

“Was it sexual for you with Leslie?”

I nodded. “Sure. Met her at a bar, hooked up with her, kept seeing her, and it just sort of became…something. Sort of. Not really. It was mostly sex, and that’s why it ended, because she wanted it to turn into something not just sexual, and I wasn’t having any of it.” I jutted my chin at her. “You and Reed?”

“Same. He was in one of my classes. He was cute and funny. The sex was good, and it seemed like he was into me. Never had a clue otherwise until I walked in on him cheating on me.”

“So, we’re agreed. I think it makes sense for us to try it. I’m not saying I’m excited about it, but I think it’s smart. It’s something I’ve never done, never even thought about. Would never even consider, normally. Like, no sex? What’s the point in anything, then, yeah? But with you…there’s a point.”

She chewed on something silently, started to speak, but stopped.

“Out with it,” I said. “Whatever it is, just say it.”

She looked away from me. “I guess I’m worried, though.”

“About?”

“If we cut out sex, what if…” She ducked her head. “You’re gonna say I’m dumb, but just hear me out. I’ve been told my whole life that I’m beautiful, okay? By everyone. So this isn’t…it’s not exactly a self-esteem thing.” A sad laugh. “Maybe it is. I just…since I became sexually active, the only attention I’ve ever gotten from men has been sexual. I’ve been proposed to by strangers. Asked by random men on subways if I’ll star in their pornos. I was in Starbucks one time and this obviously super-rich guy asked I wanted to be his wife and move to…some country in the Middle East. Saudi Arabia, I think it was, and be his, and I quote, lead wife.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah. And guys I connect with, it’s sex. Professors have offered me the easy A if I sleep with them. I can’t have male friends because they always end up trying to hit on me. If a guy finds out I’ve slept with someone he knows, he assumes I’ll bang him too. It’s always all about sex. So…I guess part of me wonders…”

“If it’s possible for me to feel anything for you, enjoy being around you, without sex being a part of it?”

“Right,” she said, in a quiet whisper.

I held her hand. “Nothing I say is going to matter, not in this.” I touched her chin, brought her eyes to mine. “I’ll just have to show you.”

She swallowed. “Why would you want to?”

“Because I told you about Mom and Dad.” I dropped my gaze. “Because…you mean something to me. You matter to me. Because I want…I want something to matter, something that’s not sex, too, Poppy. A lot of what you just said is true of me, too. And I want something more from this.”

“How long?” she asked, searching me; the meaning of her question was obvious.

“Hell if I know.” I stood up, paced away. “Until we know. Until…” I laughed. “I honestly don’t know. How about we say at least through your sister’s wedding?”

She bit her lip. “That’s a long time.”

I snorted. “Yeah, it is.”

“We could always change our minds.”

“Or we could stick to it and see what grows out of it.”

She nodded, eyes dropping. “Until after the wedding, then.”

“Pop?”