Page 89 of Goode to Be Bad

I nodded. Hesitated. “I…I think if I’m going to have a chance at sorting through all this in my own head, I’m just going to need some time and some space.” I eyed him. “I’m normally a really social person, and I’m not normally a ‘give me space’ kind of person. The opposite, usually, but—”

He slid up behind me, wrapped his arms around me; and even though I could feel his manhood against my buttocks, and his hands were clasped just under my breasts, it was a nonsexual thing, an embrace. Comforting and nothing else.

“You don’t have to explain, Lex. You can tell me you need space to think. It ain’t gonna upset me or offend me or make me think you need to be away fromme. I get it. I really do. I’ll be around, but you take the time you need.”

“Why are you so understanding?”

He laughed, kissed the side of my neck. “Because Iwantyou to do what you need to figure this out, Lex. Also, I think being understanding is a pretty big part of showing someone you love them. I ain’t an expert by any means, but it makes sense to me.”

I leaned back into him, soaking up the comfort of his embrace, and the feeling of knowing he had no expectations. “What would you say if I told you I wanted us to not have any sexual contact for right now?”

“I’d say we’ll both need to wear bathing suits, because you bein’ naked all the time is gonna make that real fuckin’ hard for me.”

I wiggled my ass against his limp sex. “Doesn’t feel all that hard to me right now.”

He growled. “You just said no sex, woman. Don’t set me up for failure.”

I sighed. “Sorry. Habit. Plus, I’m having similar trouble with you being naked. Believe it or not, I’m attracted to you, and seeing you naked is not doing anything helpful for keeping my hands to myself.”

“Joking aside, I’m with you on making sure what happens between us is focused on the mental and emotional stuff, rather than the physical.”

“We’ve got the physical down, I think,” I said.

“Yeah,” I agreed, laughing. “I’d say we do.”

He let me go. “You still hungry?”

I shook my head. “Want to wait and see how that sits first. I still feel queasy and a bit hungover.”

He held my arms, kissed my cheek. “There’s no right or wrong way through this, Lex, except not dealing with it at all.”

“Which is what I’ve been doing for years.”

“And now it’s caught up to you.”

“I won’t drink like that again,” I said. “I promise.”

“Don’t promise me, promise yourself.”

“I want you to know. I realize how scary that must have been for you.”

“It…wasn’t awesome.”

I twisted, and it was very difficult indeed to not fall into the easiest thing—his lips, his skin, his muscle and hands, his cock and his heat.

I managed it, though. Barely. It took all I had, but I managed to pull away, to not touch him, and face the water, letting my thoughts finally—after years of suppression and avoidance and blocking it out—return to the darkness inside me, to the old terrible memories, the deep wounds.

I dredged it all up, bit by bit. Sat in the old agony, and let it flow over me.

Knowing I was safe.

Knowing I was loved.

16

Myles

This time, she wasn’t avoiding me. She was lost, though. In thought, in herself, in memory. I saw her crying and sat near her in case she needed comfort. She held my hand but said nothing and so I let her have the silence of my presence.